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37 of 89 (42%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 11:23am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 11:48am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2020 @ 1:15pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 2:01am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 12:08pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 3 Jun, 2020 @ 3:33am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 2:46am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 4:25am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 5:02am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 9:30am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 5:09am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 6:38am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 9 May, 2021 @ 5:08am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 3:09am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 2:12am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 9:16am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 3:56am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 3:27am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 5:05am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2020 @ 1:15pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 3:27am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 5:03am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 2:20am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 3 Jun, 2020 @ 3:35am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 11:50am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 1:52am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 5:04am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 9 May, 2021 @ 4:50am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 6 May, 2021 @ 2:48am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 12:00pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 9 May, 2021 @ 5:59am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 23 Aug, 2021 @ 1:59am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 24 Aug, 2021 @ 3:07am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 19 Aug, 2021 @ 1:16pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 9 May, 2021 @ 5:53am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 23 Aug, 2021 @ 3:06am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 9 May, 2021 @ 5:17am



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
15 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
19 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
7 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
1 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
5 / 30

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 30

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
0 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
2 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
450 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
23 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
7 / 10
+9

9 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked