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54 of 89 (61%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:53am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:10am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:11am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2014 @ 12:33am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:04am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2013 @ 2:56pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:09am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:50am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2013 @ 1:28am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 3 Jan, 2014 @ 4:15am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 3 Jan, 2014 @ 5:23am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 5 Jan, 2014 @ 4:11am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 29 Jun, 2016 @ 8:23pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2014 @ 5:28am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 30 Jan, 2014 @ 1:02pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2013 @ 1:50am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 3 Jan, 2014 @ 5:55am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2014 @ 5:43am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 8 Jan, 2014 @ 10:04am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2013 @ 4:48am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2013 @ 4:10am

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 3:49pm

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 26 May, 2016 @ 3:49pm

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 11 Jun, 2016 @ 11:18pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 8 Jan, 2014 @ 9:45am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:58am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2013 @ 1:28am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2013 @ 3:11pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 3 Jan, 2014 @ 4:59am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2014 @ 5:43am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2013 @ 1:30am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2014 @ 12:05am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2013 @ 2:58pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 30 Jan, 2014 @ 1:04pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2013 @ 2:41pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 8 Jan, 2014 @ 10:09am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2016 @ 8:31pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2014 @ 3:22am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2014 @ 12:40am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2014 @ 5:23am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2014 @ 6:01am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 11:20am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2013 @ 1:19am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2014 @ 3:21am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2016 @ 8:39pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 5 Jan, 2014 @ 4:12am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 29 Jun, 2016 @ 4:12pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 29 Jun, 2016 @ 8:40pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 4:42pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2017 @ 5:05pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2017 @ 7:36pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 3 May, 2020 @ 6:57pm

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 3 May, 2020 @ 7:33pm

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 29 Jun, 2016 @ 9:11pm



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
6 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
15 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
2 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
3 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
2 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
8 / 30

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
22 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
1 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
12 / 30

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
15 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
1,145 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
8 / 10
+11

11 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked