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RECENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Dire Warning - Save Yourselves

15 September, 2021 - Your Local Congressman | 0 Comments

Hello ladies and gentlemen,
This is breaking news. An Ivar Sanders Anomaly has been detected in eastern China. Our man on the scene, Ethan Vrhel, has confirmed these reports with his "Ingrida 500" measuring device. Specifically, Sanders Measuring Unit (SMU) levels have reached 10000, a level not seen since the late 90s when the current incarnation of Ivar Sanders was born. Previous known incarnations include "African Ivar" 85 years ago. Notably, the birth of an "Ivar Sanders" foreshadows difficult and dangerous times- the birth of Deshaun (African Ivar) in the 30s heralded the start of WW2, and the birth of the current Sanders marked the start of the "War on Terror". While other incarnations of Sanders beyond Deshaun are unknown, a rumored "Anime Ivar" may have had something to do with ancient land wars in Asia. Although each Sanders Anomaly product goes on to live a relatively normal life, a rumored "Anti Sanders" could arrive any day now, marking the end of humanity as we know it. Even more horrifying, given the current pandemic situation, it is not unlikely that the latest Sanders (the one who triggered the Ingrida 500) is already
ඞ Among Us ඞ
Jokes aside, this isn't the time to mess around people. Prepare yourselves for a possible doomsday scenario.
May God help us all,
Max Jensen

AFRICAN IVAR DEAD AT 82

2 September, 2018 - Your Local Congressman | 0 Comments

Today we have some sad news ladies and gentlemen.
African Ivar, real name Deshaun Nakato, has passed away at the age of 82 surronded by friends and family in the town of Mubende, Uganda. He died at 5 am, East African Time. A cause of death has not yet been determined, but Ugandan authorities do not suspect foul play, and believe the death to be due to natural causes. Deshaun was known for his smile, his delicious Posho recipe, and his uncanny resembelance to Ivar Sanders, American musician and youtube legend. Deshaun gained notority after a colorized photo of him from the 70s became widespread on the internet, with many noting that he looked exactly like Sanders does now.
If you would like to support Deshaun's family, please uninstall Fornite. It was written in Deshaun's manifesto that video games are the devil, so this is a way to at least partially honor his wish.
He is survived by his five wives and ten children.
-Max Jensen