http://i.imgur.com/DQ0yiSf.png

They're right, you know.

WELCOME TO THE GUIDE THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. HAVE SOME NICE SPLASH ART I MADE IN MSPAINT


Starting in the big world of team fortress two can be a very scary thing. Sometimes starting in and seeing that giant robotic hunk of a man staring at you (SEE PICTURE BELOW) can be frightening for a lot of players.

BUT I'M NOT LIKE A LOT OF PLAYERS SO LETS GET RIGHT BALLS DEEP INTO THE NEST OF ALEXANDER GRAHAM'S BUSH.


PRESS THAT GIANT ♥♥♥♥ OF A BUTTON NAMED PLAY MULTIPLAYER IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH BEING AUTOMATICALLY PUT INTO A SERVER WITH 0 PLAYERS IN IT AND TRADE SERVERS THAT CONSIST ONLY OF WHEAT BRAND PAIN TRAINS AND TURKEY DINNER.


OR YOU CAN BE COOL AND ACTUALLY DO THE WORK YOURSELF BY PRESSING SERVERS BUTTON YOU TARDS.

FROM HERE WE'LL FIND A GIANT WINDOW THAT TOTALLY DOESNT MATTER. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS FINDING THIS SERVER.


HOLY HELL WASNT THAT FAST, HOPEFULLY YOU DONT RUN INTO A GUY NAMED DRRT. HE'S A SENILE AUTISTIC HUNK OF A MAN, AND THIS IS COMING STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH.

NO SERIOUSLY HE TOLD ME HIMSELF

Finding one's niche is simple, you simply pick the class that corosponds to your favourite activities and pass-times.

The scout is fast and shoots guns.

The Soldier is slower and shoots bigger guns.

The Pyro shoots fire

The Demoman goes BLAM BLAM BLAM

The Heavy has the biggest gun

The Engineer makes more guns

The Medic shoots medicine

The Sniper has a Sniper

The Spy has a suit


NOW LET ME DUMB THAT DOWN FOR SOME OF YOU SLOWER FOLKS

THE SCOUT IS KENYAN

THE SOLDIER HAS A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ RPG WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED

THE PYRO IS SATAN

THE DEMOMAN HAS EXPLOSIONS

THE HEAVY OVERCOMPENSATES FOR SOMETHING

THE ENGINEER IS THE DEMONIC LORD OF MACHINES

THE MEDIC GIVES TYLENOL

SNIPER NO SNIPING

THE SPY HAS A SUIT

GOT IT? GOOD HAVE A DIAGRAM OF WHO TO PLAY AS



ON TO THE NEXT STEP

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LEFT CLICK TO BANG

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IF YOU HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT BY NOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOOT PEOPLE. IF YOU STILL HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT BY THEN LET ME REITERATE


I WANT YOU TO MURDER SOMEONE BRUTALLY

QUIT YOUR WHINING YOU BIG PANSY ITS KILL OR BE KILLED AND IF YOU DONT KILL THEN YOU WILL BE KILLED BY THE KILLER THAT KILLED YOUR ASS BACK TO WEST GERMANY. BY NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY SAYING: "WOW HOW DO I PULL OF A FEAT OF NATURAL DISFUNCTION BY THE MURDERING OF A FELLOW HUMAN SPECIMEN?"

SIMPLE


BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG


YOU CAN STOP SHOOTING WHEN SOMEONE TALKS TO YOU IN THE CHAT IN A WAY SIMILAR TO THIS

WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO PASS UP A CHANCE TO REUSE THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

BEING A SNIPER IS SIMPLE, AIM AT THE HEAD AND SHOOT. HOWEVER IF YOU BODYSHOT YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST TAUNT. TAUNT BY PRESSING G AND WATCH AS YOU STAND HELPLESSLY OPEN TO ALL BACKSTABS BY THE SUAVE LOOKING SADIST WITH THE KNIFE.

OR IF YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT WORDS YOU CAN TAUNT IN THE CHAT




NOW FINALLY YOU MAY HAVE BIT THE DUST AND DON'T WORRY, IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. EXCEPT FOR OUR LORD AND MASTER, RONALD REYGUN.



NOW LETS FOCUS ON THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE

OKAY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW EVERYTHING TO KNOW ABOUT TF2

WHAT? YOU DONT?

GO WATCH STAR_ ON YOUTUBE THEN HE'LL TEACH YOU THE WAYS OF THE KILL

NOW IF YOU NEED ME I'LL BE PLAYING DOTA 2 LIKE A MASSIVE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HUNGARIAN TARD MONKEY