The first step of how to enjoy Halloween is pick the correct game for the job. I suggest Team Fortress 2 as it is a lovely team based game with a glorious Halloween event going on. COUNTER STRIKE GLOBAL OFFENSIVE



TEAM FORTRESS 2 HALLOWEEN EVENT? MORE LIKE MAGICKA WIZARD WARS. GET THE RIGHT GAME UP YOU CRETINOUS-REX.


Once you have the correct game loaded, find a server and prepare to dominate. If you're having troubles with dominating

GO READ MY OTHER GUIDES YOU WONKA

Already read my other guides but not doing as good?

READ IT YOU LYING SCUM

Once you have found a game and are significantly bored with your life, you must go trick or treating. I suggest going to the secret agency. They normally have rice krispy treats there. Sometimes they have mars bars. One time me and my buddy found a dead rat. It was cool. I like dead rats. Sometimes. Good times. Goooood times.


What you want to do is find the entrance most suitable for someone dressed as a cop like yourself. I suggest following the other guys dressed as cops. You can pretend you're raiding a terorrist base for hostages like a bunch of larpers. Once you have assimilated yourself into the enemy fortress execute plan Z.


What? You don't know what Plan Z is?


WELL EXCUSE ME FOR GETTING A BUNCH OF UNGRATEFUL NUGGETS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THE JOB TO MY PLANS

Plan Z:


Find your Target.


PREPARE TO ACTIVATE YOUR HIDDEN TALENT



♥♥♥♥ YOU DID IT TOO EARLY NOW WE HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN IF WE WANT TO DO IT. EXCEPT WE DON'T YOU ALREADY RUINED IT SO JUST KILL BERT AGAIN AND LETS MOVE ON TO THE NEXT LEG OF THE RACE.

SO YOU WANT YOUR SMASHIN BASHIN GOOD TIMES TO BE RECOGNIZED AS A POLITICAL ICON FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS? WHAT ARE YOU, OBAMA? HOLDING A GOOD SLAM JAM PARTY VAN IS MORE THAN JUST LOOKING GOOD IN THAT LUCIOUS FOX OUTFIT STORE BRAND LUXURY DOG COSTUME FROM IKEA.

YOUR FIRST STEP IS TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

YOUR SECOND STEP IS MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO COME TRICK OR TREATING ARE DEALT WITH.


LEAD YOUR UNWANTED COSPLAYER TO THE CORNER WITH CANDY THEN TAKE HIM OUT. NON-LEATHALLY I MIGHT ADD.




NOW RETURN TO YOUR PARTY TO CHECK ON THE PROGRESS. IT'S NOT A GOOD PARTY UNTIL SOMEONE GETS LAID.


EXTRA POINTS FOR DOING IT ON THE STAIRCASE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE. MAN THOSE GUYS KNOW JUST HOW TO MAKE A GOOD PARTY A GREAT PARTY. WITH THAT DONE, WE MOVE ON TO OUR FINAL STEP.

Sometimes when you've just thrown a smashing party, people will come by asking for scraps of leftovers, or if you have enough time for christ in your life. THIS IS HOW YOU GET THEM TO ♥♥♥♥ OFF BECAUSE WE DON'T NEED NO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MORMONS nice religious people IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

FIRST, FIND YOUR TARGET

HE'S PROBABLY AT THE FRONT DOOR YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥

SECOND, PREPARE YOUR GO AWAY ITEM OF CHOICE

I SUGGEST AN AUTOSHOTGUN, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF COSPLAYING AS A RED NECK WE'LL USE A SAWED OFF SHOTGUN

THIRD, GIVE HIM THE BUSINESS



THAT'S HOW YOU DISH OUT THE TRASH AND GIVE OUT THE BASH

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT, I'VE TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HALLOWEEN

EXCEPT HOW TO ACTUALLY SCARE PEOPLE BUT WE'LL COVER THAT NEXT MONTH

OR WILL WE?


HAPPY HALLOWEEN YOU ♥♥♥♥♥, NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I HAVE BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.