Caution, Intense language and perhaps verbal insult to consumer, viewer discretion is advised for those under the age of 306. However it is censored so that's always a plus.

You'll want to find a gun that you can work well with, or at least gives the enemy team as little as an advantage if they kill you.

I know your kind, you're probably looking at that buy menu thinking

"I GOTTA GIT A DEGEL, ITS SO FUXIN K00L I'M A SUPA L33T SHOT"

BETTER MAKE SURE YOU DON'T THINK THAT YOU LITTLE ♥♥♥♥♥ BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY BALLS DEEP INTO THE ♥♥♥♥ HAWK'S NEST.


DON'T EVEN ♥♥♥♥♥♥ THINK ABOUT BUYING THAT LAST ONE. ONLY PROS CAN WIELD IT'S FLIP ASS POWER AND IF YOU'RE READING THIS, AND YOU ARE, YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT LIKE I CAN.


ANY MORE QUESTIONS? NO? GOOD, MOVE ONTO THE NEXT STEP.

SO YOU MANAGED TO SURVIVE THE ♥♥♥♥ STORM OF THE FIRST ROUND, AND YOU MUST BE WONDERING WHAT YOU NEED TO BUY NEXT.

The key to the second round is to buy a weapon you work well with, as well as Kevlar and maybe helmet if you can afford it. Don't spend all your money, as it's only round two. If you die there, you'll have nothing for the next couple of rounds aside from pistols.

I RECOMMEND THE AUTO SHOTGUN.



THIS BEAST OF A GUN SHOOTS BULLETS AT THE SPEED OF A POLAR BEAR WIPING IT'S ASS AFTER TAKING A VELOCIRAPTOR ♥♥♥♥. LET ME TELL YOU, THOSE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DON'T GIVE A SECOND LOOK BECAUSE OF HOW ♥♥♥♥♥♥ FAST THEY DO IT.

People will often go with the P90, which is arguably the best SMG in the game, however, If you're unable to aim accurately, it's a sure-fire way to waste money, give the enemy a gun and get ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

STICK TO CORNERS, KNOW YOUR ENEMY. THE LAST THING THEY'LL SEE BEFORE YOU FILL THEIR UGLY MUG FULL OF LEAD IS YOUR BEAUTIFUL GUN.


DON'T BELIEVE ME? LOOK AT THIS PRETTY LITTLE HOOKER TRYING TO GET A SODA.


WAVE COMPLETE, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT STEP.

Sniping is a valid tactic as to provide assistance from a safe distance to your friends, assuming you have the gear and know how to not shoot friendly players in the shins.


FIRST THING YOU NEED IS YOUR GEAR. AT THIS POINT, BUY YOURSELF ARMOR AND A DEFUSE KIT. THAT ♥♥♥♥ WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE 5000 TIMES OVER. THEN BUY YOURSELF A GUN. LETS LOOK AT WHAT WE SHOULD TAKE FOR LONG RANGE ENCOUNTERS, SHALL WE?


You'll want a SNIPER RIFLE, not a SCAR WITH A ♥♥♥♥♥♥ SCOPE. Autosnipers are nice but lack any ability to stay on target half the time. You'll end up spamming the whole magazine before you even hit the enemy. The AWP, like the root beer, is a one shot beast that allows you to kill if you hit someone anywhere. People will say "AIM 4 THE HED N00b"

I say: SHUT UP AND LET THE EXPERT WORK YOU CHUCKLE ♥♥♥♥.

Hitting in the body is acceptable with an awp due to the fact that it will;

1. KILL HIM
2. KILL HIM
3. KILL HIM
4. KILL HIM
5. HE'LL DIE
6. YOU CAN ACTUALLY HIT THE BODY EASIER
7. ♥♥♥♥ YOU

ONLY EXPERTS WHO WANT TO SHOW OFF SHOULD HEAD SHOT.


R U EVEN TRYING BOT ULYSSES??????

WANT TO KNOW HOW TO SHOOT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, LOVE THE AMERICA AND HAVE ALL THE MONEY?

TOO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BAD I'M TEACHING YOU HOW TO PLAY COUNTER TERRORIST, NOT HOW TO BECOME BILL ♥♥♥♥♥♥ CLINTON


Often you'll find in your shooting filled adventure, SOME BONDAGE ASS FREAKS.


Hold E on them to pick them up. If you have a defuse kit, it will take roughly one second.

IF YOU DON'T, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T MAKE PLANS TO GO TO DINNER BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE THE LONGEST 5 SECONDS YOU'VE EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE.


Once you have the hostage, return to the spawn area and you'll be gifted with an automatic win.

YOU WANT TO BE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥ TRAITOR? FINE

During competitive game play, you'll be switched to the Terrorist team automatically as a way to even the game mechanics. Terrorists have some different weapons than the CT team. Each gun plays differently and each team has their own specialties with those guns.

Often, you'll be given an objective as to protect the hostages, but in this guide we're going to blow up THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ IRAQI SCUM HEIL OBAMA.

BRING THE BOMB TO THE BOMB SITE THAT DISPLEASES YOU MOST FOR MORE EFFECTIVE CLEANSING



TYPE IN YOUR BIRTHDAY AND FAVORITE NUMBERS


WAIT 45 SECONDS AND YOU HAVE YOURSELF A NIGHT CRATOR CAKE




Any references or satirical jokes on events that may or may not have happened in the past, present or future are not the political viewing and we take starving african children very seriously.