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░░░▌░▄▄▄▐▌▀▀▀░░ This is Bob
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░░░░░░░▀███▀█▄░░ Over Steam
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Own a sword for manor defense, since that's what the Magna Carta intended. Four heathens break into my cottage. "What in the Lord's name?" As I grab my aventail bascinet and windlass arbalest. Punch a bolt through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Throw a pot of naft at the second man and miss entirely since it's a hand thrown grenade in the dark and burns down the neighbor's harvest causing them to starve in the winter. I have to resort to the pot of boiling oil at the top of the hay loft. The boiling oil completely drenches two men and cause them to scream in agony and writhe on the ground, racked with incomprehensible pain. The screams of pain frightens horses in nearby stables. Draw sword and charge the last terrified apostate. He bleeds out with no one to assist him since this is Feudal Europe and nobody gives a ♥♥♥♥. Just as the Magna Carta intended.

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to move it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I’m going to be alright and that there’s nothing to worry about. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The keyboard lights flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes soul. The power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has collapsed into a dark, earth-shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the gale force winds and the 500-decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under.

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.

OwO