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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. There can be only one.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ is NIP losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ breakdown. I don't want to believe CS:GO is so corrupt. I want a team to believe in. I want GeT_RiGhT and forest to be top 1 and 2 players again and fix this broken team. I cannot ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought NIP was doing well in groups???? This is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥.