hai ;)

 
Want to see a magic trick?
Once I wave this magic...
( Warning: Magic Staff Battery Critical )
Don't mind that...anyway, once I wave this staff,
I will vanish right before your eyes.
Ready?

Now you SEE me,
and now you...            Still do...
                      

That's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!      Noooo! Look at me!
                      

I SUCK at this            Seriously!?
                     

SCREW this!             Sigh....
                    
 

 
I once had a pet bowling ball named "Applesauce".

Me and loved to roll the streets, but one day he rolled off the sidewalk & into a gutter. Kids across the street laughed & started yelling "Gutter Ball". I felt bad. The next day, I went back there with "Gutter Ball, I mean " & saw those kids again. Little did they know, was a perfect size for what I had bought yesterday on Amazon

A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I gave a kiss on his head, which is pretty much anywhere on him, loaded him into the "Tube of Terror", took aim and

...but I completely missed the kids & instead took out a car, the entire first floor of the local school, Sam's dog Buxley & 38 trees.

Years later, I received a package. In the box and to my surprise, there he sat, all shiny & round...my . Next to him was a postcard that read "Greetings from Australia". I found this in my yard"
 

 
Want to see a magic trick?
Once I say the magic word,
this incredibly pissed off
will change back into a cute little

Ready?
 
 
KABLAM              ♥♥♥♥, too BIG!


KABLAM-O           ♥♥♥♥, too MANY!


KABLAM-OMG     ♥♥♥♥, it WORKED!
               

Easy peasy lemon...

 
         ♥♥♥♥, RUN!

           Want to see a magic trick?
When I wave this wand and say the magic
word, this will turn into a baby duckling.
                          Ready?

KABLAM
   

...wait, that's not a baby du...  RUN!

Having a friend like you truly
     brings joy to my heart.
  You will always be loved