A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The horse, on the verge of a breakdown, responded: “When I was 3, I was abused daily by my owner. Me and the other horses in the barn called him ‘Mr. Whip’, because he always had a whip on him to beat the horses that tried to escape from their enclosures. Mr Whip was an alcoholic. He would whip all of us extra hard when he was drunk, which believe me, was often. Me and the other horses would bond over our whipping experiences. I was good friend with them. All 5 of them. I was nicknamed ‘Racer’ by the others, because I had won a horse racing contest a few years back. First there was Diddy. His stall was right across from me. He was a quiet horse, kept to himself mostly. Every once in a while he would make conversation with me about his whippings, and oh man, did he have some whippings. Mr Whip would whip him everyday. He said he didn’t like the look of his ‘big nose’. I felt bad for the guy, seeing Mr. Whip beat him every morning. Then, in the stall next to Diddy on the right, was Kicker. Kicker was the strongest, and he could kick good. That’s why we called him kicker. He was the badass of the group. He despised Mr Whip. Every time Mr Whip walked past his stall, Kicker would give him this look. This “I would really like to kick you in the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ balls right about now” look. Right next to Kicker, on the left was Blinker. He was blind in his right eye because one day, Mr. Whip threw a pitchfork at him because he tried to escape his stall. Blinker ended up committing suicide a few months after Mr Whip blinded him with a pitchfork. I don’t blame him. He was easily the most damaged. Every time he would talk with the other horses, he would talk about how his father would beat him as a pony. Poor guy. Right next to me, on my left, was Origami. He was named that because he would talk to us about his love for the Japanese arts. He had sort of a god complex, thought he was better than everyone. Called himself "The Alpha”. He got the special treatment from Mr Whip because he would ride him into town every week. I guess he didn’t want to damage his legs. What an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ he was. On my right, was Johnny Utah. He was from Utah, ‘nuff said. He was probably the most friendly. We would talk every day. Mostly about our love for American Cinema. Every Friday, Mr burns would watch a movie in his house. He had a window right in front of the tv. We had windows in our stalls, and it just so happened the television was angled so we horses could see it through the windows in our stall. Only the horses on my side could see it, because it was directly through the back windows of the stall. Johnny Utah’s favorite film was ‘The Godfather Part ll’, while I was more of a ‘Clockwork Orange’ guy. Mr Whip watched a lot of movies. Besides our whippings, and cinema discussions with Johnny Utah, we horses didn’t really have anything else to bond over. One day, we where all feeling rebellious. We decided we had had enough. We discussed plans to escape, and Origami, being the pretentious ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ he is, decided that he would lead us to escape. Of course, none of us horses let him. We eventually decided that Kicker would lead us, considering he was the strongest. At this point Blinker has commuted suicide a few months back. The plan was simple. Every Saturday morning, Mr Whip would sleep extra late from watching movies and drinking. So when Mr Whip fell asleep on that Friday night, we would begin. We desperately tried to jump over the stalls, and get to the small walkway in between our stalls. Kicker was the first one to make it over, probably since he had experience riding with Mr Whip. After Kicker got out, he helped Johnny Utah out of the stall next to me. Johnny Utah went to free me, while Kicker tried to help Blinker. Then once I was free, I helped Diddy out. Now all we had to do was run. And right when we where about to run out of the farm, to our horror, Mr Whip came running out of his stall to get us. We all ran like hell in the opposite direction in which he was chasing us. Diddy fell down, and broke his front left leg. Mr Whip was about to whip him, but me and the other horses wouldn’t let that happen. We all went up to Mr Whip, and surrounded him in a circle. He couldn’t fight off all of us. Kicker then kicked Mr Whip in his groin, giving Kicker that long wanted revenge for him abusing all of us. Mr Whip fell to the ground, covering his balls. Then, Kicker looked at me, hatred in his eyes, and said ‘Quit stalling and finish him.’ I looked down at Mr Whip, and pulled my hoof off the ground, and stomped that ♥♥♥♥♥♥’s head in. It was a spur of the moment decision. He was killed instantly by the impact, and I stand there. Blood all over my hoof. It was over. Years of suffering, and mental trauma was over. We horses all looked at each other for a solid minute without saying anything. Kicker then told us to split up. We had all committed man slaughter. We needed to get out. Kicker told us to walk away, and to never show our faces at this farm again. We all went our separate directions. I walked into the sunrise, wondering what I would do with my life now that I’m free. I tried getting a job rounding sheep, but I was rejected in place of a hound dog. I got a job as a customer service employee at a Walmart, but I was fired my first week for not smiling enough. And now, 1 year later, I’m broke, and living on the side of the street in an oversized cardboard box, using my last remaining money to buy alcoholic beverages. Apparently Diddy ended up getting caught, and sent back to a local farm. Johnny Utah ended up trying to hang himself, but the ceiling collapsed on him, crushing him to death. It’s on the news. They didn’t say their names, but from the newscaster’s descriptions. I can tell it’s them. I don’t know what happened to the other 2, but I doubt their life is any better. So I’m here. And that’s it. This is where I am. It’s not long before the police find me. So I must leave soon.” At this point everyone is looking at the horse, mesmerized by his life story. The bartender nods his head slowly and replies: “Go. Leave now brother.” The horse grabs his beer, and leaves. The next day, the news talks about the horse. “Last night, a horse walked into a bar, and told it’s life story. After that horse left, it walked into a nearby river, and drowned itself. The body was found this morning, with a note. The note said 'It wasn’t worth it’. The horse is currently unknown.” So in the end, I guess you could say that he wasn’t horsing around.