1 person found this review helpful
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 130.3 hrs on record (85.5 hrs at review time)
Posted: 13 Oct, 2014 @ 8:15am
Updated: 8 Aug, 2015 @ 7:00pm

You might fear the alien. That's understandable. It's bigger than you. It's faster than you. It has armor for skin and acid for blood. It's a predator. And so when it's around, you might be tempted to crawl or run or hide. That's totally understandable and natural for a prey animal. But you don't beat the alien by acting like some kind of belly-crawling worm. You don't beat it by hiding like a mouse. You're not going to live by running like a deer. It's a predator. It expects prey to do ♥♥♥♥ like that.

You need to understand something very critically important: you are not prey. You are a ♥♥♥♥ing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ human being. ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ing Sapiens mother♥♥♥♥ing Sapiens. You are the supreme alpha predator of the galaxy and the alien is just another animal. It aint got ♥♥♥♥ on you. It can't figure out fire. Humans figured out fire hundreds of thousands of years ago. Hell, the dumbass thing can't figure out doorknobs. Humans have figured out nuclear ♥♥♥♥ing fission. Humanity's natural place is at the top of every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ food chain. In the ♥♥♥♥-measuring contest of evolution you've got it beat by eight steel hard inches, and you're not even playing as a dude.

Don't hide in a locker or cabinet. Don't flee like some wimpy rabbit prey animal. Walk, calmly and with purpose. Go to your objectives, and don't fear the alien, pity the alien. Because for all of that eggsuckers natural weapons, it can't science worth ♥♥♥♥. You're Amanda Ripley and you have the ability to science that ♥♥♥♥er to death. Science and engineering have put you on top of the foodchain. If you act like the predator you're meant to be, half of the time the alien doesn't know where you are, because it's too stupid to realize that it's the prey in this equation. You set lures and traps and the alien, being a lesser predator, falls for them. And if it's dumb enough to try to engage?

You use humanity's oldest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ science against that animal. You unleash liquid hellfire. You weaponize humanity's oldest chemistry and give the alien a taste of alcoholic pain. You drop a pipebomb right under the vent that that dumb beast will drop out of and send it scurrying back to momma with its tail between its legs. And hell, then you kill its mother♥♥♥♥ing momma with science too.

Science, ♥♥♥♥♥. It's what's for breakfast, lunch and dinner. served up by the galaxy's number one ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ magnificent ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ alpha predator.

10/10.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award