𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗮 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗲, 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗰𝗲. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀, 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗮 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝗹𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗖𝘂𝗯𝗮𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗴𝗲𝗲𝘀, 𝗜 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱-𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘀, 𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆. 𝗢𝗰𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝘄.

𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗼𝗱𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗯𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗽𝗶𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗶𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘂𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘂𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗲𝗱, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆-𝗠𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲𝘀. 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗼, 𝗮 𝘃𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗹𝗮𝘄 𝗶𝗻 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘂.

𝗨𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗜 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲-𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘃𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗺𝗮𝘇𝗼𝗻 𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀. 𝗜 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗲𝘁𝘀, 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗻𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜'𝗺 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗱, 𝗜 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝘆𝗮𝗿𝗱. 𝗜 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝘂𝗿𝗯𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗢𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀, 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹, 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲.

𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘁, 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗲. 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱𝘄𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘀𝘄𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗼𝘆 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲. 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗻, 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀. 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗜 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗝𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗴𝗮𝗹-𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗜 𝗯𝗮𝘁 𝟰𝟬𝟬. 𝗠𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝗶𝗿𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘀. 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗲.

𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝗹 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘆. 𝗜 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝘀𝘁, 𝗠𝗼𝗯𝘆 𝗗𝗶𝗰𝗸, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗿𝗯𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝘁. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗜𝗔. 𝗜 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸; 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽, 𝗜 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿. 𝗪𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘃𝗮𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗱𝗮, 𝗜 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿𝘆. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘄𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝘀 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.