What the ♥♥♥♥ did you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ say about Karums, you little ♥♥♥♥♥? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in my local folk-dance ensemble, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the hearts of Estonian women, and I have over 300 toes. I am trained in singing revolutions and I’m the top singer in the entire Latvian Song Festival combined choir. You are nothing to me but just another slow-poke-cheese-curb-hating Estonian. I will wipe you the ♥♥♥♥ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in the Baltics, mark my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥ about Karums over the Internet? Think again, ♥♥♥♥♥♥. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Russian gopniks across Tallinn and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for mild inconvenience, maggot. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can beat you at kiiking in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in saldejums, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Rigas Piena Kombinats and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ♥♥♥♥. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot. I will ♥♥♥♥ fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kiddo.

Ingredients
1 18.25-oz package chocolate cake mix
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 2/3 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cups cocoa
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
7 large eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup butter or margarine (softened)
1/3 cup water
1 t vanilla extract
1 12-oz can of coconut pecan frosting
1 or 2 6-oz cans of vanilla frosting
Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Coat two nine-inch circular cake pans with butter or margarine.
2. In a large bowl, combine cake mix and remaining dry ingredients and until well-mixed.
3. In a second large bowl combine remaining cake ingredients and until well-mixed.
4. While mixing, pour wet mixture into dry mix bowl until well combined.
5. Pour half of mixture into each of the two greased cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick stuck into cakes comes out completely clean.
6. Let cakes cool for at least half an hour then trim top of one of cake to make a flat top.
7. Ice top of cut-off cake with coconut pecan frosting. Place second cake on top of first to create a layer. Add some extra cocoa powder to vanilla frosting and use to frost entire cake.
8. Chill in the fridge and serve. For added authenticity coat entire cake in chocolate chips or shards, add six dollops of white vanilla frosting to top of cake with cherries on each dollop, and light up a single candle for the center. Note: I use the chocolate chips and cocoa powder as part of the cake mix when I make this but I believe that they might actually be intended to be used as decoration. Regardless I love the way the cake is with the extra chocolaty-goodness