Install Steam
login
|
language
简体中文 (Simplified Chinese)
繁體中文 (Traditional Chinese)
日本語 (Japanese)
한국어 (Korean)
ไทย (Thai)
Български (Bulgarian)
Čeština (Czech)
Dansk (Danish)
Deutsch (German)
Español - España (Spanish - Spain)
Español - Latinoamérica (Spanish - Latin America)
Ελληνικά (Greek)
Français (French)
Italiano (Italian)
Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
Magyar (Hungarian)
Nederlands (Dutch)
Norsk (Norwegian)
Polski (Polish)
Português (Portuguese - Portugal)
Português - Brasil (Portuguese - Brazil)
Română (Romanian)
Русский (Russian)
Suomi (Finnish)
Svenska (Swedish)
Türkçe (Turkish)
Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
Українська (Ukrainian)
Report a translation problem
For starters, the vacuum cleaner might be dirty. It's likely that there might be dirt, dust, and bacteria that could cause an infection if they come into contact with sensitive tissues.
The vacuum cleaner is also dry. The penis is meant to be moist, and a vacuum cleaner with high suction power could chafe some of the delicate skin that could cause bleeding, flaking, irritation, swelling, and abrasions.
The vacuum cleaner will not hesitate to be rough with your penis- prolonged suction could damage the blood vessels, as well as stretch your penis. This could lead to moving parts in the vacuum damaging it further, or even getting stuck and needing medical intervention.
Be careful where you put your penis- it is not as pleasant as it sounds on surface level.
And yes, I am speaking from experience.
You will be left with a husk of a machine, all because you decided to critique my mental ability... was it worth it?
Not even your mummy can help you now ♥♥♥♥ boy.
██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete.....
████████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete....
████████████]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete....
█████████████████] 99% complete.....
🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Brothers of Islam are irreplaceable ☪I could never delete you Brother!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Mujahideen👪 who would give their lives for ﷲAllahﷲ Or never get called ☁️Brother☁️
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh ♥♥♥♥, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
Usually when my penis gets hard I’d just masturbate it off but recently I’ve just been getting tired of masturbating. It just not the same anymore. It puts me right to sleep, gets ♥♥♥ all over me, and I just been feeling miserable and dirty after it.
Now, my alternative has been pretending it is a gear shift lever on a manual car. It can be pretty funny.
I seriously hope I’m not the only one.
WARNING: YOU IT’S EASY TO HURT YOUR PENIS WHILE PRETENDING IT’S A GEAR SHIFT LEVER. REPLICATE THIS PRACTICE ONLY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Am I the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for making her stop calling it that? Or should I just let her keep it up? I'm afraid this waking nightmare may never end.
UPDATE: I spoke with my girlfriend regarding this nickname fiasco. She informed me that it was not the princess that was little, it was the piddles that were little. That didn't make me feel much better tho.
I offered another nickname, per another user, "princess big and long piddles" but she said that was a mouthful. We compromised on allowing me to pick a nickname for her penis. Thanks everyone.
⠸⡇⠀⠿⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣠⠾⠁⣀⣄⡈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠂⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡿⢿⣆
⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣶⣆
⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦⣴⣾⠸⣼⡿
⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟⠉
⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
BEEP BEEP BEEP