No I'm Geeber 😭😭😭

Hi uhm! This is gonna be really crazy but hear me out? Please? Okay. Right. So my girlfriend goes by geeber on her account and she tried to claim it aaaaand *bowomp* username is taken... she uhm, she's really upset? Like. She won't eat, she's kinda refusing to sleep and saying it's stressing her out and that she's worried her friends are gonna forget her or not remember her because of her new name and it's just.. It's just really stressful for her. So I kinda come to you man to man and have to ask, can you change your name for me? For her? Surely there's another name you've gone by at some point? But for her she's always been Geeber and I don't want her having anymore anxiety attacks and with her history of self-harm and the fact we are long distance I am stressing over the fact I might not be there for her when it all becomes too much. This would help me a lot and most importantly you'd make the sweetest girl in the worlds day. So, thank you. It's an appeal to empathy.

Hello Mr Brown.

goober

Hi. This is Wilford Brimley. Welcome to Retardation: A Celebration. Now, hopefully with this book, I'm gonna dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off, the retarded don't rule the night. They don't rule it. Nobody does. And they don't run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don't lock eyes with 'em, don't do it. Puts 'em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming "No, no, no" and all they hear is "Who wants cake?" Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

yes?