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it doesnt take long to make tuber tony quiver. the man is tough, hardened. he is after all, a member of the potato planum. likely he fought alongside the aubergine armies during the war. he might even have been at the battle of mandrake mountain. the man has no doubt been left broken by his service. but no degree of ptsd, of trauma induced machismo, can withstand a bard as gifted in the gemüse gab as you.
when youve finished speaking tuber tonys eyes have changed. theres redness there; red like the sun setting in winter, red like the juice of a tomato. he slowly rises from his seat and at last breaks his dreadful stare. without a word tuber tony leaves the crowded bar and in his absence you realize the silence of the room. people are trying not to look at you. even the rhubarb at the piano has stopped her ragtime performance. you turn back to the counter.
another one please, bar tender
you gather yourself, take a shallow breath and meet tuber tony's gaze. youre trembling, but you wont let tuber tony intimidate you. you cant. you know your life depends on it. despite the damage to your psyche you manage to compose your nervous system. gradually, you make the trembling stop. youve been holding his gaze for a few seconds now. his eyes are blank, bleached of any emotion, any feeling, any empathy. how could you possibly relate to a man so driven by revenge, so tortured by loss?
but you are not one to back down from an impossible task. when you finally draw the strength to speak you dont even hear the words you say. you focus on the subtleties of speech-craft, just like they taught you in the broccoli bards college all those moons ago - long before the cabbage conflict. you find the rhythm of your sentences, monitor your tone, concentrate on holding in the panic and giving the appearance of someone who wont be intimidated.
"my name, is TUBER TONY, of the POTATO PLENUM" he announces in a rough vibrato "it has been exactly two months and four days since you, the vegetable scourge, mercilessly gunned down my brother PETE of the ASPARAGUS traders, in cold starch," the stranger pauses to lift a silvery grey hand cannon out of the folds of his cloak. he places it on the table with a loud clang. he never breaks eye contact. you take 2 points of psychic damage as you tremble under Tuber Tony's unwavering gaze.
"i have come to exact vengeance, in accordance with the rules of the Carrot Concordat. prepare to duel, or make your peace with God above"
a: (draw weapon) b: (use speech: [challenging - 32%])
you blink as you fire your weapon, and as the smoke clears you open your eyes to see, crumpled before you, the bloody remains of asparagus pete. his hands are clutched to his chest, desperately clawing at his asparaguts as they dribble out onto the floor. your eyes meet, and he mouths something at you before his eyes roll back into his skull. its almost as if you could see his asparasoul leave his body... off to vegetable heaven. goodbye asparagus pete, may you rest in asparapeace*
Tekken Project Lead Katsuhiro Harada Reveals
a: (buy asparagus) b: (kill asparagus pete)
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Hope to see you soon