Hi and welcome to Dota 2. In this video game you will learn how to last hit, defend high ground, gank, avoid ganks, split push, sneak Roshan, and more! I hope you will give this game a go and join me and my other miserable friends as we try to win games we don't actually enjoy. Prepare to be matched with other losers as you try to climb the Match Making Ranking ladder in hopes of suddenly becoming a 15 year old "mid-or-feed" prodigy picked up by a team in desperate need of a player to make themselves relevant again. If you are unable to receive the recognition you deserve from 5 million viewers all struggling in the same position as you, you can always drop out of college, wasting $100,000, rebel against your parents' wishes and join your local Dota 2 team in hopes of making it through the qualifier rounds to get a chance at playing against the real teams before losing 0-2 and receiving $1,000 compensation prize money. If that STILL doesn't work out, you can always get to 7,000 match making rating points by spamming one overpowered hero (OSfrog) then move all the way from Korea to Germany to work for the 2nd-place production studio as one of the "analysts" because everyone else there randoms every game and only knows how to shout his head off.

After failing to reach either of goals because you have finally realized how unrealistic these goals are, you can give up on your dreams of becoming a world famous Dota 2 professional, touring the world with his group of 4 friends, and finally settle for wasting away your evenings with your other hopeless friends as you try your hardest to destroy 5 random enemy players who just want to have a good time. After showing those worthless casuals that you truly deserve a direct invite to the next International, you can trash talk the mess out of the players you "totally rekt" and move on to searching for another match; another match which will almost certainly result in more pain than pleasure as you and your teammates argue over who gets to go mid and who is forced to buy wards and stack camps all game.

Once you have destroyed your wrists through thousands of hours of Dota 2, you can finally hang up your Razer Epic Naga DeathAdder 5000x Deluxe Gaming Mouse (TM) and call yourself a retired Dota player. When the Dota 2 competitive scene grows large enough to the point where it is broadcast on national television and has become a high school sport, you can finally tell your nieces and nephews, and not your children because you don't have any since you spent your golden years locked up in your room playing Dota 2 with your other sorry excuses for people you call your "boys", how lucky they to be born into the golden age of Dota 2. You can tell those young whippersnappers that you were an original Dota 2 player who had to sacrifice everything, including his comfortable middle class lifestyle his parents paid for, to play Dota 2 competitively, only to result in "things just not working out" as you inevitably failed to accomplish anything. You can tell them you were shafted during the almost bi-monthly team shuffles as teams didn't want to pick you up due to your impressive skills, when really you were too busy flaming to notice you went 3-16 on Queen of Pain versus a 15 year old Pudge player.

Once you have journeyed through Dota 2's incredible universe, spending thousands of dollars on hats while complaining whenever a new hat that "goes against the hero's lore" is introduced, only to eventually purchase it yourself, you can finally sleep soundly knowing you, too, were an integral part in the development of the professional e-sports scene!

Hi and welcome to Dota 2. In this video game you will learn how to last hit, defend high ground, gank, avoid ganks, split push, sneak Roshan, and more! I hope you will give this game a go and join me and my other miserable friends as we try to win games we don't actually enjoy. Prepare to be matched with other losers as you try to climb the Match Making Ranking ladder in hopes of suddenly becoming a 15 year old "mid-or-feed" prodigy picked up by a team in desperate need of a player to make themselves relevant again. If you are unable to receive the recognition you deserve from 5 million viewers all struggling in the same position as you, you can always drop out of college, wasting $100,000, rebel against your parents' wishes and join your local Dota 2 team in hopes of making it through the qualifier rounds to get a chance at playing against the real teams before losing 0-2 and receiving $1,000 compensation prize money. If that STILL doesn't work out, you can always get to 7,000 match making rating points by spamming one overpowered hero (OSfrog) then move all the way from Korea to Germany to work for the 2nd-place production studio as one of the "analysts" because everyone else there randoms every game and only knows how to shout his head off. After failing to reach either of goals because you have finally realized how unrealistic these goals are, you can give up on your dreams of becoming a world famous Dota 2 professional, touring the world with his group of 4 friends, and finally settle for wasting away your evenings with your other hopeless friends as you try your hardest to destroy 5 random enemy players who just want to have a good time. After showing those worthless casuals that you truly deserve a direct invite to the next International, you can trash talk the mess out of the players you "totally rekt" and move on to searching for another match; another match which will almost certainly result in more pain than pleasure as you and your teammates argue over who gets to go mid and who is forced to buy wards and stack camps all game. Once you have destroyed your wrists through thousands of hours of Dota 2, you can finally hang up your Razer Epic Naga DeathAdder 5000x Deluxe Gaming Mouse (TM) and call yourself a retired Dota player. When the Dota 2 competitive scene grows large enough to the point where it is broadcast on national television and has become a high school sport, you can finally tell your nieces and nephews, and not your children because you don't have any since you spent your golden years locked up in your room playing Dota 2 with your other sorry excuses for people you call your "boys", how lucky they to be born into the golden age of Dota 2. You can tell those young whippersnappers that you were an original Dota 2 player who had to sacrifice everything, including his comfortable middle class lifestyle his parents paid for, to play Dota 2 competitively, only to result in "things just not working out" as you inevitably failed to accomplish anything. You can tell them you were shafted during the almost bi-monthly team shuffles as teams didn't want to pick you up due to your impressive skills, when really you were too busy flaming to notice you went 3-16 on Queen of Pain versus a 15 year old Pudge player. Once you have journeyed through Dota 2's incredible universe, spending thousands of dollars on hats while complaining whenever a new hat that "goes against the hero's lore" is introduced, only to eventually purchase it yourself, you can finally sleep soundly knowing you, too, were an integral part in the development of the professional e-sports scene!