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For a time, I was an avid sinkpisser. I probably went over a year without pissing in the potty. It was so easy to unbuckle my pants, and let that meat log hit the edge of the bowl with a smack. The sink was always perfect pissing height too. No splash. But then I started running into problems that threatened the longevity of the piss. You see, I would shut the drain hatch, so I could look upon my creation. One time I even pissed blood. But the white bowl white start to get these stains on the inside. I could never explain this if my parents asked. To this day, there are stains, and I must confess I have largely given up the sinkpissing ways. I do however, still do it in public bathrooms or if I'm at someone else's house, so I guess I didn't entirely quit. This is my story.
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After the first week of being vegan I woke up ripped. My toes had so much muscle mass they looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger. My biceps were so heavy I wouldn’t be able to lift them if I wasn’t vegan. My neck had become a pyramid of muscle and vein and I was so strong I didn’t need to take my car to work, I just walked there and the city moved underneath me somehow. After the second week I laid an egg and out popped a smaller version of me. I took him with me everywhere and together we laughed at meat eaters and bashed the skulls of school children eating Lunchables. Finally on the third week I transformed into an ascended being, I shredded my human form and became a beautiful celestial piece of broccoli. Now I move across the universe blessing worlds with my wisdom of all things. I am officially a vegan.