I take complete responsibility here, my apologies. It wasn't you.

wtf i didnt pvp with you in ER

WTF is this, amateur hour for gay pr0n fiction writers? GTFO

After a good game I added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We talked for several months and became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great jokes and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for an Elden Ring party. He said he would come, so I was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling on my ear, I felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ slamming into my leg. I hit him and then knocked. It turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.

You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Zora and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another Elden Lord, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beating me. Then you add some random invader to the mix, your chances of winning drastically go down. See the 3 way at The Lands Between, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because dummies KNOW they can't beat me and they're not even gonna try!
So Zora, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at The Lands Between. See Zo, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at The Lands Between.

You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Zora and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another Elden Lord, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beating me. Then you add some random invader to the mix, your chances of winning drastically go down. See the 3 way at The Lands Between, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because dummies KNOW they can't beat me and they're not even gonna try!
So Zora, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at The Lands Between. See Zo, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at The Lands Between.