this is my official gooning retirement notice i will no longer be gooning in the year of 2025
i've moved onto better things such as jorking it, yanking myself and touching dem nuts
thank you for reading this important statement

rip fallen warrior, succumbed to the female

✨ Seriouslyyy, where can I, um… relieve myself? 🥵💦 Like omg, I’m a poor lil’ freshman in Santa Rosa dorms 😩, and my roomie is this international student who literallyyyy skips class to grind League of Legends 🎮 for 16 hours straight EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 😤🤯 Like dude, he even has his groceries delivered and eats ALL his meals at his desk 😩🍜. So he’s literally NEVER leaving the room for more than 5 minutes (10 if he decides to actually shower that day 🚿💀).
So, like… aside from my room, the ONLY other place I thought about letting loose 💦 is the shared bathrooms… but like, dropping my essence 💦 on a public shower floor just feels so nasty and morally heinous, you feel me? 😖🤢
I’m LOSING it here, guys 😭💀. It’s been 3 WEEKS and I can LITERALLY feel this intense pressure building in my, uh… special region 👀 every time I sit down 💦🥵. PLS someone, ANYONE, tell me a place I can, um… "do the thing." 🥺👉👈

-rep deletes comments when people talk smack

They know the flow sound lovely, like sunday roast potatas

✡️L'Shana HOva SLUTS‼️🥳🍎🍏 It's the FIRST1️⃣ day📆 of TUSHrei🗓️🍑 and a NEW🆕 year⏳ in the JEWISH CALENDAR‼️💫🤩 Time ⏲️ to LICK👅 some HONIES🍯🐝then get HORNY📯and BLOW THAT SHOFAR🎺🔊🎶 till 🧔‍♂️D-DDY RAMs🐏 it in 🫨😝Then throw🫳 your sins (& PANTIES👙🩲) down the river🌊 and tash-LICK😜 up that pomegranate juice🧃🦵🦵📩📨 CHALLAH round🗣️🍩to 5️⃣7️⃣8️⃣4️⃣ naughty SHUL🕍GIRLS👯 to see who's the biggest ♥♥♥♥♥-a📜😉 Get 🔟 back😳😍 and you'll inscribe 6️⃣1️⃣3️⃣ shawties💁‍♀️🫦 in your 📖BOOK of SLUTS📚💃 Get 0️⃣ back😬🤧 and you'll just be a HAG🧙 sameach 🫠 till next year⌛

Precision shots