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You've been visited by the propane god, I tell you what. Copy and paste this to 5 of your friend's profiles, or Hank Hill will bring the pro-pain

This player is fantastic, just needs to work on communication, positioning,
aerials, shooting, scoring, saving, defending, pace, dribbling, flicking,
airdribbling, passing, demolishing, bumping and sportmanship. Other than
that, this man is a beast! <3

How, you might ask, does one measure the penis of a barnacle?  

I will tell you. To measure the relaxed penis, Neufeld just pulled it out and assessed it under a microscope. To measure one in all its fully extended glory, he needed the following contraption: a system of pulleys, which controls an open bottle, which leads to a rubber tube, which is connected to a hypodermic needle, which feeds into a capillary tube, which is glued to the base of a severed barnacle penis. All of these elements are full of seawater.

By using the pulleys to raise and lower the bottle, he could control the pressure in the needle and carefully pump a specific amount of water into the penis. The team describes it as a “gravity-fed pressure system for inflation”.

It’s as if Rube Goldberg built a fluffing device