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Calvin lay there in bed, next to his tiger...

1 March, 2014 - Trained attack toddler | 2 Comments

His fourteenth birthday was tomorrow. He was getting older, puberty striking at his mind, voice, and body. He kissed Hobbes on the cheek, puling him closer and thanking him for being his friend.
Then it happened. It had been happening often since he was thirteen and he had no control over it. His erection tented his boxers, pressing against his friend's rump.
"Stop.." Hobbes mumbled with a growl, pushing him away.
Calvin turned onto his back, pulling his under shorts down and revealing his standing pillar, about five inches. Average, he figured.
He shook Hobbes awake. He didn't wake easily and grumbled and growled, but eventually sat up. "What, Calvin?" He asked angrily, wanting very much to go back to sleep.
"I love you."
"I love you too.." Hobbes said awkwardly. 'What is this about?' He wondered.
"Do you really love me?"
"Yeah, why?" Hobbes sat up further, sleep forgotten.
"I want to mate with you.." Calvin blushed.
"Wait! What? You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near the liscence plate said "fresh" and had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I though "nah, forget it, yo home to Bel Air"!
I pulled up to the house at about seven or eight, yelled to the cabbie, yo homes, smell you later. Looked at my kingdom, and I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air.

Has anybody ever tried cooking with their own semen?

14 February, 2014 - Trained attack toddler | 3 Comments

About a month ago I got adventurous and decided to fap into the frying pan, using my semen in place of little extra butter I usually put in the pan when I'm grilling grill'd cheese.
I didn't notice much difference in flavour when I tried it, although it definitely didn't taste any worse.
Last night, however, while in the process leading up to grilling two sandwiches for lunch for myself and my sick mother, I noticed my neighbour's 13 year old daughter changing in the yard next door (our window sort of faces out into the neighbour's yard, the suburban layout of our community is somewhat strange), presumably after getting out of the pool. I got the urge to fap and decided to encorporate it into my cooking again in secret.
My mother did seem to notice a difference in flavour for the better - I nonchalantly told her I used a different butter, which in it's essence wasn't entirely a lie, I just didn't specify it was my nut butter. I'm not about to outright lie to my mother.
I consider myself a respectable man of principles, you know.