Unicorns eat PUBS for breakfast!

(Please READ) So here I am, 5:37 AM typing this story to you. Asking you to please read this latest issue from "Jay's Life:Please God, ♥♥♥♥ Me Like A 747" It all began 4 days ago, if you guys are curious, the way i make most of my market at the moment is are stock, Selling and buying, at times it allows for surplus of money use, other times im struggling. Anyways, 4days ago i was making good money. Sitting at my lovely computer A Late 2010 iMac High tier. Well i shut down the computer and decide to call it a night. Have a wonderful rest on my new bed....Wake up..eat, workout, shower watch news, watch stocks on tele, SIT ASS AT COMPUTER....Turn the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing on..and i notice...there are no harddrives showing up to choose from...then an error message of "NO BOOT DRIVE DESIGNATED" Well, MY FACE WHEN I JUST LOST ALL OF MY STOCK NOTES AND INFORMATION ON LARGE TRADES!!!!. Okay, at this point im stressing myself out and give myself a migraine , and if you know me…Im prone to DEATH by these.. no really if i have a bad enough migraine i could die. Due to my condition. So i do what i normally do to calm down AND get rid of headaches… Code name 420! I dash to my stash box… pack a half of a bowl, and mellow out for two hours. Eat my weight in crab dip because…i have literally no self control at this point because i DIDNT realize i smoked the higher up stuff i had bought…at that point i go back in to my computer and decide to turn this negative into a positive and think of it as a fresh os install. So i install OSX Snow leopard the next day, the install and download of updates takes about 4 hours to finish….THEN download 4 gigs and update to OSX lion, the newly released OS by apple. Get it in about 4 hours of downloading..install takes 45 minutes….everything works fine. I get ready to bootcamp the sucker up..burn a windows 7 disk go to pop it back in…my disk drive dies…..YAY ME. So yeah, Ive been sitting here all night trying to fix it with firmware patches since it's still detected….(Something just popped into my head for CHIBI btw. Y U NO TXT ME D:?)… Well the firmware ♥♥♥♥ doesn't work so its clearly hardware…and then I freak out remember i bought an extended warranty! then instantly fall into the deepest depths of despair..i will have to go to…THE APPLE STORE… See, Jay's last visit to the apple store destroyed part of his soul… I will tell you why. I walked into that store, and was instantly approached by some dementedly happy employee whom said. "HelloOOOOooooO Welcome to the APPLE STORE!" My face when said greeting > <(o___0)>
She responds to my confused look in an odd way because, recently at the time jordan had a florida tan….i don't know what neurons fired off in her head.. But she began speaking to my in spanish… SO APPARENTLY I LOOKED EITHER LIKE A MEXICAN YARD WORKER COVERED IN DIRT SINCE I HAD A TAN…. Or i can just make women talk in tongues with my godly 7/10 looks. So yeah after that awkwardness i tell her exactly what i want and she begins to suggest i get the 27 inch iMac…. with an i7. She begins to tell me it has 7 cores…and is clocked at 4 ghz….none of this information is correct..im computer savy…so i respond "Do, you even know what you're talking about" Well those words alone are enough to make this girl start CRYING no BAWING her eyes out cussing me out pointing her finger in my face, they were going to kick me out after removing her from the floor HOWEVER a employee and woman who were doing one to one training sesh right next to us interjected saying i did nothing wrong and told them the full story along with me. So i have the manager help me…finally get this computer (The computer with the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ disk drive) and here we are a year later. Im afraid to experience another APPLE FUN DAY…where I'm almost kicked out of the mall. So now I've made an appointment for 1:00pm TODAY…and can do nothing but think of the horror….