Mega Man is the worst character since sliced bread.

I took out my equipment bag. Just a Kar98 and some loose rounds. I filled the clip and popped it in like a doctor pops in a baby's broken shoulder. I picked up the rifle and held it in my mouth like a mother holds her stillborn baby on New Year's. After I finished swinging it around, I aimed and looked down the sights. I saw two rice ♥♥♥♥♥♥ patrolling the building across from me. My mission was to hang back until reinforcements came. They would distract them and I could take the building then. But those dirty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ were really testing my patience, walking around with their messy heads to the sky as if they were defying God. Laughing and clattering their moonspeak. Constantly taking the clip out of their guns and putting it back in. I spit on the floor and sat down on it. I would not stand for this, mainly because I was sitting down.

But mainly because I am a 57 year old man with a wife who's probably cheating on me and I want to shoot my gun. It's been a long 2 weeks since I last shot my gun. So I got up and went outside. There were a lot of birds outside, I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate birds. Their little eyes and stupid beaks, and the high pitched sounds they make want to rub sandpaper down their throats. I took aim at the ugly bird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ but then I realized that wasn't what I came out here before. I turned to generic castle ripoff. I was going to fire at them but not to kill. Yeah like a warning shot, a warning right to their heads. I spit down the barrel of my rifle to wet the bullet. I did it in case they had chopsticks on them and wanted to catch the bullet. You can catch a noodle but you are not catching a slippery speeding 7.92x57mm death pencil.

As I took the shot I wondered, "Why haven't the birds gone home?" They were young, curious and eager to discover more. What they were going discover out here was a world of death. A place where it's not people fighting but countries. A person wouldn't normally want to kill the person who saved them, regardless of what side they were on side. War was different, and soon these baby birds would know it. No amount of squawking bring momma bird back. After I was done pondering about nothing, I failed to notice that the enemy had already starting firing back at me. Luckily for me, the sun behind me was going in the line-like eyes. Their shots were so poorly placed they even missed the broad side of the barn, which was also behind me.

I laughed and walked over their while they were reloading. I hopped over their cover, and immediately collapsed to the ground. I forgot I was not 57, but actually 75. Damn my legs were not working and I was all out of spit to make my bullets fire faster than their bullets. I knew I needed to do one thing in this moment. Become Godzilla. I started roaring, I starting thrashing and making laser beam sounds. I threw dirt at their shoes. These blind son of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ looked like they flooded their pants in fear. I pulled myself up and leaded on the wall, clapping loudly and saying "TOKYO TOKYO GODZILLA ZILLA" They screamed and ran out of their faster than a kid running out of a carrot shop. The rest of the zipperheads flew out the door, missing me. One of them tripped and I fired out his baby skull.

The guy's head blew open like a baseball bat being smashed by a pinata. "Soup's up" I said as I grabbed a chunk of his brain and squeezed the blood into my mouth. It tasted like soy and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ farmer's hats. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dome-wearing idiots probably take their hats off to collect the rice and put their hats back on upside down. I bet they stole that trick from the Africans, lazy jerks. Anyways I washed down my meal with some dead grass and fell asleep. I slept well, dreaming about how good my day was. Until I woke up to the sound of the boys slamming through the wall. They screamed when they saw me and my head hurt so much that ♥♥♥♥ flew out of my ass like a falcon diving for fish.


I changed my pants with the dead fellow and shivered. First I drink their blood for information now I wearing their pants? You must think I'm a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hypocrite. But no, that's war. And at the end of the day, I was just doing what I needed to do, what no one else would do, to complete my mission. I'm no solider of honor, I don't care about medals or ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ glow in the dark stickers. I'm here to fight, to win.

Conflict has a different meaning to everyone. If I am in a fist fight with no rules, then I am picking up the nearest rock and going to town with it. Rules delay conflict, just like peels delay me from eating bananas. You got to peel it, take a bit, and peel it. Sort of like life. You can't squeeze it into a ball and ram it down your mouth. You have to take your time with it, get half an education, marry a trade and learn a wife. Or else the world will put you on your knees and take away the last slice of corn syrup. It will happen and it will destroy you. Why? You're asking me? Well I can't answer that but after living for 24 years and being in the army for 30 of those years, all I can say is this is most fun I had since ruining my family.