"Hello, man. 'Tis me, Chirag. Make sure u read my very sad story in Indian accent, okey? Because that what I sound like in real life. Okey? Let's get started, Mahatma. It was a wild and sunny day on the Indian shore. A woman had just given birth to a gorgeous boy -- that boy was me, Chirag. My father used his teeth to cut my mother's cord. 'Twas a terrible site. They brought me home to the junkyard where I was raised. When I was 6 I was old enough to go to curry school. I rode our mopad there each day, learning how to be a master of the dish of curry. But when I was 11, tragedy struck... there was a curry shortage all across the country. How was I supposed to make money now!? Mommy and papa were worrieed so they sold me to human traffickers. Very kind. I think my mommy and popee didn't pay close attention to those people when they sold me, because they treated me very bad. I'm not sure exactly what they did, but I'm guessing they were performers. We traveled across all kinds of countries all over the world. I guess I had a very special performance job backstage. They come into my cell and whip me with a waterhose while pulling my nosehairs. Perhaps I would have told them about my discomfort had not been for the rag stuffed in my mouth. One day I was sitting in the child camp and I smelled the irresistable smell of cheeseburger! I used my curry strength to pull apart the bars and I escaped, hungry for burger. My nose led to me a grill with cheeseburger sit on it. I go to pick it up, but when im about to touch it a fat man comes running out of the house in shorts. He tells me that if i touch that piece of cheese, I will get the cheesetouch! We learned about americans during curry school, they were heavy and sucked at tech support scamming. So upon seeing that fat man i instantly realized what country I was in. The fat man continued to run at me, his round and hungry belly eager to eat my curry skin. I ran out of there faster than I ran out of the Tajmart when I stole that lenovo thinkpad. I ran until i came upon a boat with a weird box on it. I went on the boat to investigate, but to my horror I started to drift off! "Wait! How do I swim? They do not teach these things at curry school!" I cried in my mind. But then that box had a green led light up and another box light up too! Am I saved? No, to this day I am still on this wooden boat. But at least now I can use steam."