Garry's Mod

Garry's Mod

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Finding Jesus
Autorstwa: Just keep smiling!
   
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Finding Jesus
In this guide shut the ♥♥♥♥ up







How to find Jesus
There is many ways to find Jesus.You can use his book of lies,his bible and google maps
Where Jesus lives
Jesus lives in his house you ♥♥♥♥♥♥.If you still dont know where that is then go to church.because thats his house.
Jesus Found!
Once you get to the church you should see Jesus awating your arrival with a nice and big thumbs up!Walk up to Jesus and introduce yourself!
BUT WAIT
Its not really Jesus its Satan in disguise!You can tell by that unfriendly finger he is giving you
Killing Satan for Jesus
In order to defeat Satan you must play the best song in the world!
Learning the best song in the world
[]
[]
[]
Mr. Shepard, the President needs
you right now!
I didn't think I was gonna make
it.
We'll get you there.
I'm Agent Devoreaux, office of
the President.
FIN: There's a storm coming. I
can feel it.
Package is en route.
[radio] The National Weather
Service
has issued a significant weather
advisory
for the mid-Atlantic region of
the east coast.
April, my car died.
I'm with the Secret Service now.
It's not looking good.
I'm almost there, Fin.
Please be safe. Do you hear me?
I know. I love you.
Can you radio ahead? Right.
Copy.
We'll pick up our escort up
ahead.
Hang on, Mr. Shepard!
[]
[] All units, alert.
Heavy traffic congestion
reported in the vicinity of the
Key Bridge.
Proceed to alternate route.
[]
This is Agent Devoreaux
inbound with the package.
I need First Street Southeast
cleared now!
What do you think you're doing?
Semper Paratus.
You must repent!
The end is near! Repent!
Repent! No!
I was inside the belly of the
beast!
Whoa!
Oh, I gotta get in there!
You need to go! Back away!
Whoa, whoa! Whoa! No, no!
I'm just taking my license.
I'm Fin Shepard!
Fin Shepard!
Tim! Reese! Let him in.
Sorry, sir.
Mr. Shepard, I'm Gary Martin
Hayes, Chief of Staff.
I am so sorry about that.
Thank God you made it.
Colonel Shepard make it in yet?
I'm sorry. There's been no word
on the Colonel.
How soon can you get in touch
with National Weather Service?
Soon, but the President's
started.
I gotta get you in there right
now.
Here. Time to clean up.
Come on, Mom. Let's go.
Careful. Slow down.
You got a little one in there.
I've done this many times
before. Heh.
Well, you had two hands then.
Really? Are you gonna go there?
I'm just saying it's okay to ask
for a little help.
Besides, your husband should be
here.
And where is he?
Oh, he's probably trying to get
eaten by another shark.
[] The National Weather
Service
is now reporting that a massive
tropical storm
is headed directly for
Washington, D.C.
The NASA Weather Satellite
Center
is tracking the tropical
depression
and recommends residents
make arrangements to evacuate if
necessary.
[]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of the United
States.
Ladies and gentlemen, for his
heroic actions
in both New York and Los
Angeles,
for saving countless lives
and alerting the world to a new,
terrifying threat,
it is my great honor
to present the country's highest
civilian commendation,
the Presidential Medal of
Freedom,
to Finlay Allen Shepard.
[]
What's your opinion of these
shark storms, Madam Vice
President?
I feel for the sharks, but
they're wrecking
our schools, our hospitals, our
roads...
It's heavier than I thought it
would be.
[] Oh, Ms. Alves from
the "Times."
One question, okay? Yeah. Hey,
so now that you've been awarded
the biggest award
in all of the country, Mr.
Shepard,
where do you go from here?
Home.
Okay. Thank you so much.
Uh, Mr. Benchley from the
"Post."
Mr. Benchley. Fin!
Oh, Martin. How you doing?
Ellen and the kids?
She's good. She's good. She says
hi,
and she wanted to be here, but
it's kind of hard for her
to get on a plane now. You know
what I'm saying?
Madam Vice President,
this is my brother-in-law
Martin.
I'm the good-looking one.
Yeah. Now you know how I feel.
I like her.
Mr. Shepard, follow me, please?
Say, "Sharknado"!
Sharknado. Cool.
You don't mind if I post this,
do you?
No. Cool.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
Fin, I got a surprise for you,
buddy...
[] the Mayor of New
York City.
It's good to see you again, Fin.
Hello, sir.
By way of a thank-you
from the people of the city of
New York,
we want to present you with
this!
You are the very first member
of the Order of the Golden
Chainsaw!
Go ahead. Try it.
[]
You know, there's just so many
questions
I wanna ask you, and there's...
FIN: Martin. Sidekick to the
rescue.
Go ahead. Get out of here.
Excuse me.
Ladies and gentlemen, I was in
New York, too.
I'm Fin's brother-in-law...
The documents you asked for.
N.W.S.? Yes.
Thank you.
Oh, Fin, hi. I'm Jackie Collins.
And, um, I know your wife wrote
a book,
and, uh, it was very good,
but you, you have a great story
to tell,
and I want to be the one to tell
it,
and here is my card, and call
me, okay?
Thanks. I'll give it some
thought.
Okay. What a lovely man.
[] The National Weather
Service now reports
the storm is only a few miles
from the D.C. area
and to stand by for evacuation
orders.
Not again.
They used to call me a shark,
but now I'm looked upon as a
beacon of hope,
a symbol of change.
It comes with a lot of
responsibility, Fin,
but you'll get used to it, the
spotlight.
The spotlight, I can handle.
That's not what I'm worried
about.
D.C. isn't safe. What?
I know how this is gonna sound,
but I can sense these storms
now,
the drop in temperature, the
humidity,
these crazy cloud formations.
These sharks, they have a scent,
and it's not a pretty one.
I lost a friend in New York last
year.
Sorry.
Every time a northeaster comes
off the Atlantic,
I worry. Is this gonna be the
big one?
Is this gonna be one we can't
contain?
I need to speak to the N.W.S.
I can make that happen.
Where's the First Lady?
She's in Oklahoma with the
family.
They're okay.
We better get you inside,
Mr. President, now.
[]
The storm is getting close.
Get the President down in the
bunker.
Oh, my God.
[]
[ overlapping chatter,
screaming]
Come on, Mr. President.
Let's go!
It's my job to protect her!
Don't make me angry.
Come on, let's go!
Aah! []
We gotta go. Don't look. Come
on. We gotta go.
I've gotta get you out of here,
Madam Vice President.
Hey, where you going?! Wait for
me!
Let's go! Out! Sir, they're
everywhere!
Mr. President, Sir, Agent Webb
is down. We're moving you to the
bunker.
Fin, come with us. This man is
not cleared!
I just cleared him! Let's go!
Maverick is on the move to
P.E.O.C.
Hey, I am the Chief of Staff!
[]
We gotta get out of here!
You can't do that!
There's no time, Madam Vice
President.
Let's go! Come on!
On three. Ready?
1, 2, 3!
Move! Let's move!
FIN: Give me a gun! Can't do
that!
Where's this bunker? Here in the
basement!
The base--Whoa! Let's go!
Water flows down! This is a bad
idea!
Move! Move! Move!
Come on, come on! Give me a gun!
I can help!
Only the Secret Service
can have a gun
this close to the President.
What? This doesn't buy me any
trust?
Mr. Shepard, this literally is
one of the most secure areas
on the face of the Earth.
[]
PRESIDENT: What do we do now?
We fight, but I'm gonna need
some more firepower than that!
The armory! Let's go!
[]
Thought your policy was to save
the sharks.
Nobody attacks my house.
This time, it's personal.
[]
Hail to the Chief.
This is for America, baby!
Aah!
Go, Mr. President! We have to
get out of here!
Let's get the hell out of here.
Let's do this! Right behind you,
buddy!
MARTIN: Come on, hurry!
Martin, you all right? We're
fine!
Mr. President, you all right?
Can it do that?
Looks like the rules have
changed.
[]
Come on! Get it! Get it!
Come on! []
God bless America.
Shark!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Run away from the sharknado
It's your greatest foe, foe,
foe
Don't wanna get eaten by a
sharknado
Sharknado
Sharknado
Sharknado
Sharknado
Sharknado
Sharknado
Shark!

It's fine. He called last night,
didn't he?
Yeah, I know, but I just wanted
him to be here to enjoy your
birthday.
It's okay. I'm used to it.
Don't say it. I said nothing.
Except, "Happy birthday."
Thank you, Grandma May.
Love the new hair, by the way.
Oh, thank you. I love it, too.
Okay, birthday girl. Have some
fun.
Get in a little trouble.
All right, I will.
Are you sure your friend's
inside?
Yeah, Jess is there.
Well, I want to see you home by
9:00.
I'm 18.
10:00. Mom!
11:00.
Okay, bye. Love you.
Bye, little growing thing. Have
fun.
Okay, let's take the bus
Now that you know the song
Now that you know the song you want to confront Satan in a Rock Off.Doing this means if you win you can see Jesus,but if you loose you will be Satan's B**ch forever!
GoodJob
You beat Satan and you get to see Jesus finally!
Chilling With Jesus
Congratulations you saved Jesus!Now that you've finished your quest you get a nice blunt to smoke with Jesus!
Dear Atheists
Jesus is real
Komentarzy: 236
Albanna 3 września 2018 o 3:14 
My pants felt wierd after reading this
Helios_096 24 sierpnia 2018 o 12:05 
Learning the best song in the world
[]
[]
[]
Mr. Shepard, the President needs
you right now!
I didn't think I was gonna make
it.
We'll get you there.
I'm Agent Devoreaux, office of
the President.
FIN: There's a storm coming. I
can feel it.
Package is en route.
SpoiledChamp 1 marca 2018 o 11:39 
Jesus is my daddy
BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK 2 grudnia 2017 o 20:39 
instructions unclear, became the virgin mary and consmed all of europe
cralo 16 listopada 2017 o 10:35 
its just a tribute
Kairo 23 września 2017 o 18:33 
Atheists are god. like everyone says these days. GOD IS A LIE. The only miracle that is happening is your going to live for 84.5 years then get buried. Thats one half of the world population.
2short2abort 29 lipca 2017 o 22:39 
Dante, God spoke to Moses through weed.
Scrap 10 lipca 2017 o 16:49 
wow what a fucking christian loser and god is a fake poser m80
λxool 2 lipca 2017 o 15:56 
How to find jesus :
kys

Done !
Hulk Swolgan 30 czerwca 2017 o 20:32 
song link pls xd