Crawl
257 ratings
How to Worship Secret Deities
By Dr. Haywood Jablome
I will teach you how to worship secret deities. Heresy at its finest.
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So ya want the cool gods, eh kid? Well you've come to the right place...
Within Crawl there are certain names for your character that change the thumbnail for every deity into something a little more exciting. Something with a little more spice. And spice, my friends, is what I'm all about. I love spice. Paprika, rosemary, thyme, sumac, garlic, oregano, I love 'em all! I love eating spices, I love cooking with spices, I love looking at spices, and I love snorting spices!
Wait...
Into the guide!
How to Tur'dlog
First off, my favorite kind of spice. Sh*t.
If you name your character "Poo" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Tur'dlog". He of course is a turd log. Have fun, kids.
How to Moonman
If you name your character "MMM" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Moonman." This one is a reference to a game called Moon Quest by the developers' friend. It is definitely NOT a reference to the infamous singing Moonman, which is what I definitely did NOT previously have written in this guide. The game actually was named Moonman originally, until the developer caught wind of the atrocities committed by the fellow of the same name. Thanks, shock humor. You've quelled another.

How to Gaben
If you name your character "HL3" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Gaben". Gabe Newell, the super-Steam-meme of your dreams. Now you can worship him virtually. I don't see why you would complain.
How to Bryan
If you name your character "GOD" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Bryan". This one seems to be a reference to Bryan Henderson, a man promised godhood. Or is it godship? Godliness? Agh! Screw it. Look this bad boy up in the Go Ogle's. Or the Bings. I don't judge.
How to Tone'
If you name your character "TNE" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Tone'". This dudebro is a pixelated Tony Abbott. He said "Canadia" once, so now he's in the game! Oh yeah!
Thanks to TED-209 for pointing out who this was.
How to SPNKr
If you name your character "SPN" every deity is replaced with a picture of "SPNKr".
SPNKr was a streamer for Destructoid. And now he's a god. Bit of a leap, but whatever.
How to Jed
If you name your character "JED" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Jed".
This seems to be a reference to Jed Whitaker, a writer at Destructoid. I'm not really sure why this is, but I'm onto you, devs.
How to GO'Gon
If you name your character "GOG" every deity is replaced with a picture of "GO'Gon".
I'm absolutely clueless with this thing. But it's cool. (Mayyyybe just mayyyybe a reference to gog.com?)
Thanks to NigalKarp for pointing this one out.
How to Rufus
If you name your character "RUF" every deity is replaced with a picture of "Rufus".
Rufus kind of looks like a cheaper version of Wilson from Castaway. That being said, I would take Rufus over Wilson anyday. Not that it matters.
Thanks again NigalKarp for pointin' me in the right direction.
You made it!
Good job, buddy! You read my guide AND survived! If you enjoyed it and generally didn't suffer too much, leave a rating to feed my ego! If you hated it, then die! Haha! Anyways, love you, bye!
32 Comments
nadie 29 Nov, 2024 @ 2:44pm 
Moonman is a reference to Ben Porter's MoonQuest, it has nothing to do with... whatever that is
Pope_Party 17 May, 2024 @ 8:51pm 
This is the kind of Sigma OH shit I want:steammocking:
ZeroTime 11 Sep, 2021 @ 8:04am 
Moonman is a reference
MockingJay 14 Jul, 2021 @ 12:14am 
Moonman is a reference to the actual moon. See his pale, dusty skin, covered in craters, glowing in the dark.
Dr. Haywood Jablome  [author] 19 Apr, 2021 @ 8:53pm 
Moonman is a reference to
HORSE 19 Apr, 2021 @ 6:09pm 
Moonman is a reference to Ben Porter's MoonQuest, it has nothing to do with... whatever that is
Lord Pheles 6 Aug, 2020 @ 10:53pm 
Rufus is a babe
Passport 15 May, 2020 @ 4:19pm 
Thats what it says.
yotamshitrit 14 May, 2020 @ 11:06pm 
Moonman is a reference to Ben Porter's MoonQuest, it has nothing to do with... whatever that is
cheesy_cactus 5 Apr, 2020 @ 11:17am 
lovin every kind of energy this is giving off.