And Bill looked upon the AI Director, and it was a glorious batch of abstract code. And the Director said unto Bill, "I giveth thee these commandments, that thou might survive to the endtimes, when the chopper ascends to the heavens and the righteous shall see their good works rewarded. Taketh these and spread their wisdom to all corners of the Apocalypse."

And Bill did thus as he was commanded, and it was good.







L4D Commandment #1: Thou Shalt Not Stray from Thy Team, Lest Thy Liver Become Hunter Chow.

L4D Commandment #2: Thou Shalt Not Commit Friendly Fire, For Thy Team Will Not Bring Thee Out From the Closet of Slavery.

L4D Commandment #3: Thou Shalt Remember the Shove and Keep it at the Ready.

L4D Commandment #4: Thou Shalt Communicate With Thy Team, For It Is Written, "What is Known By One Shall Be Known By All."

L4D Commandment #5: Thou Shalt Keep Thy Back to a Wall, When in Lieu of a Corner, so as to Prevent Being Known from All Sides.

L4D Commandment #6: Thou Shalt Honor Thy Teammates' Lines of Fire, and Bow Down to Them When in Front.

L4D Commandment #7: Thou Shalt Maintain Situational Awareness: Always Must the Right Hand Know what the Left Hand is Doing.

L4D Commandment #8: Thou Shalt Checketh for Items, But be Quick About It, Lest Thee Breaketh the First Commandment.

L4D Commandment #9: Thou Shalt Share Thine Goodies With the Less Fortunate, For they are Thy Salvation When Smokered.

L4D Commandment #10: Thou Shalt Fire on Tanks Only from a Distance, Lest Thee be Smote into the Ground by His Wrath.


*Any similarity to ancient religious texts is purely coincidental.

And lo, when the hunter did leap upon Bill, Bill did breaketh the tablets upon the hunter, and the hunter fell down dead. And the Director looked upon this, and said unto Bill, "It's cool, I've been meaning to make another ten anyway." And thus Bill received new tablets, with a new set of commandments, and the words inscribed upon them were thus:





L4D Commandment #11: Thou Shalt Not Move Through Other Survivors; He Who Passeth Through His Teammates Shall Surely Be Put to Death, and His Blood Be Upon Him.

L4D Commandment #12: Only the Wicked Amongst You Start Events Before Thy Team has Undergone Preparations; May They Face the Judgement of The Director's Mighty Wrath.

L4D Commandment #13: Thou Shalt Care for the Weakest Among You Before Tending to Thyself; Only When it Would Be Cast Aside Shall Thou Consume Healing Items Whilst in the Green.

L4D Commandment #14: Thou Shalt Not Bile the Tank, For He Who is Betwixt a Tank and a Horde is Truly Damned.

L4D Commandment #15: Thou Shalt Listen for the Musical and Sound Cues, for They Shall Surely Warn a Survivor in Times of Tribulation.

L4D Commandment #16: Thou Shalt Complement Thy Team's Loadout; Envy Not Thy Teammate's Weapon, But Taketh Instead That Which He Cannot Match.

L4D Commandment #17: Thou Shalt Not Touch the Door of the Saferoom Unless Thou Art Last to Enter Thereupon.

L4D Commandment #18: Thou Shalt Revive the Weakest Among You Before the Strong, But Whosoever Among You Still Stands Must First Clear the Commons and Keepeth Watch upon the Specials.

L4D Commandment #19: Thou Shalt Not Localhost, for it is Abomination.

L4D Commandment #20: Those who Idle do Sin, But Surely Those Who Leave Thy Keyboard Without Taking a Break are the Vilest Within the Eyes of the AI Director.


And the Author looked upon the comments below, and smiled upon them, and saw that they were good also.


*Any similarity to the previous list is entirely intentional.

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How to Improve Your Tactical Decisionmaking coming... someday. Probably not soon.