Garry's Mod

Garry's Mod

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How to Steal Candy From A Baby
By Balthamous
As the title implies.
   
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Time to Steal
Before you read this guide you must understand the risks you are taking, there may be blood, tears and bitten fingers.

So you want to steal their sweetrolls do you? Tired of Billy getting the lolipops at the doctors office? Or perhaps just plain hungry?
Have no fear for Dr. Sweets is here to help you, first you must decide your level of dedication and set aside a few hours of your time in order to survey your target, a white van is always preferable as they will never expect you to take their candy.
If any children appear asking for candy tell them to go to the cuddly bear mascot down the street.
You must follow the targets every move, one cannot simply smash and grab when babies are involved, they might after all be teething.

Your most effective method of removing the babies candy is to wait until its security force has left for the day, it is well known that all babies travel with at least one fearsome companion.

Now for the hard part, the baby will be very protective of its candy, so first you must distract it, possible options include yelling "Peek a boo" and "Surprise Motha Ducka" while throwing a small cuddly animal toward the target.
This animal should be highly trained in baby defense.

Next you must take advantage of the babies confusion and go for the candy, be wary though as the baby may be armed with a variety of brightly colored weapons.

Success? If not you may have to recruit a fellow candy lover, the two person method is perhaps the easiest, it consists of three very simple steps.
1) Have your associate pick up the baby.
2) Laugh.
3) Steal the Candy.
196 Comments
huske 31 Mar, 2018 @ 2:20am 
This Helped me THANKS!
Goose 17 Feb, 2018 @ 8:14am 
how do we steal candy from a ♥♥♥♥♥ baby that grew up in the hood? i tried but it pulled a gun on me and stole my candy..
GewdWell 9 Jun, 2015 @ 4:18pm 
Sorry for mis-spellings... plz dont h8 just r8 8/8 and mastrb8 :hatty:
GewdWell 9 Jun, 2015 @ 4:17pm 
I responded with a headshake as he pulled a bottle of urine out of his jacket and tried to make me drink it, although I was fortunate enough to get the bottle and shove it in his mouth, he choked on it. I freaked out at first, but i pissed on him shortly before I took the empty bottle out of his mouth I hit him in the nuts with my foot, punched him in the face, stripped him, left the cage and locked it, and left him there to rot. I knew the police would try to get me, so i got a plane ticket back to my closest airport. When the plane landed i found a girlfriend, got home with her, got married, had 13 kids, got rich from the lottery, and died next to my wife in bed at 107 from a heart attack from making love in space. How do i come back to life and kill the old man?
GewdWell 9 Jun, 2015 @ 4:17pm 
I tried the tatic again on a different baby months after my first try, and the baby dropped the candy transformed into an old man and started chasing after me and screaming, "im gonna lick you in da spot if ya don't stop!" as i fell into a pit where I was put into a cage by a bald mexican man. I woke up the next day in a back ally somewhere in China next to a pregnancy tester, while i was still in the cage. Later on I took the tester to see if he did unmentionable things to me and the tester said, "+". I thought to my self, "how is this possible?!? I am a boy!" as I soon realized he just poured a pregnant female's urine all over me... So i waited 4 days drinking rain water from a barrel and eating rats that came close to me. Soon enough the mexican came back asking me, duh yah wunt more drink?"
Why_Not? 14 May, 2015 @ 9:45pm 
The author must have been pretty board when this was written.
Tirebaran 19 Mar, 2015 @ 10:10am 
чееееее
Zekalga 13 Mar, 2015 @ 8:48pm 
Thank you. This guide has helped me make a monopoly off of stolen baby candy. :tongue:
Spinostafrikanotosuchuonymimus 22 Feb, 2015 @ 1:32pm 
Is like
Pumpkin 22 Feb, 2015 @ 11:39am 
lol