Introduction

When I first started to play this game I was frightened and shy at the tremendous amount of content that was suffocating me. That was when I decide that there would probably be some nerd out there who needs to learn how to play a point and click game. So I am hard at work now to bring you the guide to mastery of this "DLC should have been included without additional purchases video game."

Payday 2 is a video game where you join up with one or even the outstanding three other members of your species to terrorize and inconvience the lives of many virtual members of your species. There is a multitude of levels that you can play that doesn't even let you decide for yourself, it just randomly selects a few of them for you to decide on. It helps make the more indecisive people like me feel less anguish that we attempt to escape from our daily lives by playing a parodied version of it.

The Community

The human race is such an interesting group of animals that without the fear of punishment from the others is able to resist punishing their neighboring coexisters. I figured out early on that everyone you meet was probably cool or even decent at one point of their existance. But today you will be enlightened to the fact they are all vile beasts that are circumventing their ability to express their sexual and aggressive desires by commiting virtual crime in a more socially and legally accepted manner.

There will be some nice people who will be willing to help you out, but thats probably part of their fetish of luring you in and then. Surprise! They have taken advantage of your vulnerable state and have now claimed your pure and innocent first experience of your interactive visual entertainment. Your first experience will be besmirched and you will always carry that tarnished experience forever. Everyone is out to get a piece of your uncorrupted spirit and you must not let them have it.

I started out the game playing overkill and deathwish difficulties and realized the game is not actually that hard, your teammates just are terrible for not carrying your lack of experience. I found my self at the butt of many uncivilized negative remarks that do not help bolster my ability to play nor convince me to obey their dictations. There were also the massive amounts of kicks that were the result of them discriminating against my low player level and or low knowledge about the game.

The solution to this is to find those nice people in the group you socialize with also known as your friends and family. I found that my good friend Shepurd is always an entertaining lad who is eager to assist in my quest to obtain some sort of enjoyment from this highly acclaimed game. Two is such an intimate occasion where you can bond, but don't just stop halfway. Never pull out halfway because if you are going to do it, you have to commit and go all the way. Four is the maximum you can have because these barbarians or game designers want to limit the amount of time you can spend with your buddies in an attempt to distract you for as long as possible, but its alright I guess because I don't have that many friends anyways.

Get to know your associates

Oh boy, you get to play as 7 characters that you can't pick if someone else did.

1. Dallas
Welcome to the City of Dallas, Texas of the United States of America. The chain smoking iconic figure of American Criminal Mastermindship.

2. Houston
Pretty sneaky ghost that replaces Hoxton because Hoxton's voice actor had to gtg, but he actually came back to the rest of the team's surprise. But beware you'll need parental guidance because of how spooky he is.





3. Chains
Violent thug like contributor to the wrongdoing by enforcement. Remember not just white people, but black people also commit illicit activity.














4. Wolf
Every threatening group of hooligans need their psychopath and here he comes in as the technical support for the team. He has the best quotes.









5. John Wick
Who the ♥♥♥♥ is this guy?








6. Clover
Token female heister who security guards believe is a security guard even though there are no open employment options for high pitched females in guard duty. Maybe if she was short enough to pull off a little boy impression under some rice wine.















7. Hoxton
The one who rarely goes down supposably, but when he goes down its funny because he gets back up when hes in jail. His replacement is much better in everyway.

Civilians
While I do not condone the lethal treatment of innocent bystanders as well as society and the ingame rules do discourage you from terminating said passerbys, I find myself occasionally being the victim to my weak willed subconscious and give into executing all the civilians that leads to me being put on center stage by my peers for increasing the difficulty of the situation as well as the inevitable loss in the future. Or maybe you will want to end their suffering sooner and just kill all the civilians as slowly and painfully as possible so that there will be none to worry about in your campaign against American legal standings. But you will also need these kind folks to be used as bartering goods in exchange for your pathetic teammates that happened to respect the law enough to surrender to prison time. If you can't do the time then don't do the crime. Remember people, how would you feel if a masked and armed burglar interrupted your peaceful existance by quickly severing your connection to your present friends and family and or neither. AKA don't treat them like people treat you.

Enemies

Other than those feeble bullet monkeys, you will discover yourself being the generous volunteered target practice for your good neighborhood law enforcement.

1. Security Guards
Good Ol' Security Guards who bravely protect their employeers private property even with the constant crippling fear of clowns. Probably victims of poor education and opportunities to better careers they fill in the parts of society that no one else wants to do like custodians and cafeteria workers at prisoners. Though they will be the first to die in the line of duty, they eagerly detect and report criminal behavior to the SWAT teams and FBI such as a broken window or a duffel bag. Snitches by nature will make them the key victims of your miscreant activities as Bain welcomes their demise.

2. Police Officers
Who doesn't love the neighborhood beat? Definitely not the dark skinned population these days, but that doesn't stop them from discriminating against non racially targeted villians. Returning run away pets attempting to flee from their abusive owners and scolding the local litterbugs these are our friends in blue that we learn to respect or vouch vengeance against at a young age. Very good at exploiting their authority against the public, it has been noted that they engage in very controversial recreations such as setting up speed traps to fulfill their ticket quotas and harshly punishing the low threat medicine users to protect our streets. Shoot firs, ask questions later and Guilty before proven innocent are their specialty. I wouldn't blame them as they go through strict standard training regimes to prepare them for the harsh environments they will be placed in only to have to spend their remaining time away from their friends and family against you.

3. SWAT Team
The reliable Special Weapons and Tactics team are here to assist the piles of low level police officer corpses that were forced to be the first responders of your reign of terror. So called masters of playing the counter terrorists team on counter strike or counter strike source, they are specialized in defeating urban religious fanatics and insane sociopathic teenager shooters. If you are in this category I recommend packing some explosive seppuku to get the job done and putting your allies in the front lines to do it for you.

4. FBI Agents
Those kids who said they wanted to be a detective or forensics scientist when they grew up after watching crime drama television at a young age such as CSI, that were able to stay in law school long enough to succeed. You could say that they might be the polar opposite of your selection of villiany by taking up the role of researching and defeating evil all together. Lets teach these teacher pets and successful A students a lesson by putting all their achievements into a grave. Here Lies Hopes and Ambitions Results, cut short by a lunatic with a firearm. Oh and there are girls.

5. Other SWATs
Put them all in a room and mix them up, you'll see yourself judging them by color. They are basically the SWAT team, but the game developers needed someone for you to deplete your ammunition reserves on before we get to the worth mentioning opponents. Supposably they are superior to your average meatshield as they might still take one shot to the generic mask and helmet combo they take it with the pride of doing it so that their next teammate will only have to take one shot to the head as well.

Now that all of the cartridge and shell sponges are out of the way, here comes the ones who attempt to turn the tables and make you the cleansing utensil.

1. Shields
So dangerous yet so mysterious, their voice actor is able to incorporate all these values in his/her best work since the dawn of sound recording and playback. Shields attempt to inspire fear in your violent mental manifesto by their banging of their shields above the quickly decomposing comrades in arms. Not even your sentry can handle the threat induced by it and pitifully empties its reserves on its almost impenetrable defenses.




2. Cloaker
http://www.5z8.info/inject_now_v6z5hs_launchexe










3. Taser
Because bullets aren't lethal enough to take you down, the government believed that non lethal electric shocks are the solution to ending your lawbreaking. Shocking isn't it? Their response is just electric and get you amped up. Wire we are continuing they are a very hertzing threat that make you go like watt.They really give you a negative charge.









4. Bulldozer
After the American police force was unable to turn enough families into widows and fatherless children until they added female FBI agents and turn landfills into police burial sites, they introduced the freely economicly efficient Bulldozer. They come in from green to black and even the digital skullfaced because when someone says police brutality, might as well go all out. Able to single handedly gun down you and your fellow felons, it slowly walks over mounds of bullet riddled companions only to fall to a few well placed shots to the face.



5. Sniper
Not many people know this, but these hacking filths aren't actually aimbotting guys. They are professional MLG 420 blazing veterans who were ex-cons that the police gave up on catching. If you can't beat them, you appease them with great financial compensation to end their offensive behavior. Masters at quickscoping cheeky scrublords without any nessecary skill as their shot will land due to their euphoric state of mind. Now sponsered by both Doritos and Mountain Dew soon to be Overkill, please if you are reading this Overkill plzbanthem.

Welcome to the actual game

Once you have finished waiting through the intense content that is the download dimensions and then the update size you can finally start to heist.

Making people respect you

Remember new player, you are the best player that will exist before you and everyone forgot. You must make them know that by consistently and thoroughly insulting them, I prefer to use sexual innuendos to attack their female parent. Don't stop there, name calling associated with targeting their sexuality especially homosexuals and then racial bloodline like African Americans. This is your stomping ground, if they want to play with you they need to know who the top dogs are. It will never be your fault if your team was not able to cooperate in carrying you resulting in the termination of your criminal career and contract that your teammate was generous enough to purchase due to the horrible efficiency of crime net. Always switch it up on your subjects by switching between both MLG L337 Speak and even adding in a little google translate to Yiddish. Don't forget to activate your thundering kingly voice by pressing Caps Lock.

How 2 Purchase Leet Skills

A real professional purlioner does not need to add additional funds to something called a skill tree. You are already at maximum skill capacity and do not need to resort to such low leveled module that the developers inplemented to add the potential handicapped players.

Metagaim

1. When you see everyone with high concealability or even directly told that the game is to be stealthed, remember that no fake man or real woman would be so heathenistic to sneak up to another to pilfer their belongings. Go straight through the front door of their establishment and kindly ask everyone to alert the authorities because there are armed robbers attempting to void their well earned possessions, especially on Shadow Raid. If they are already going loud, then let those primitive brutes get their hands dirty as the police will be their providence for acting such.

2.Grenades are your only reliable ally. Teach your other so called allies a lesson in friendship by sending them some grenades.

3. If someone is down or needs health even if its your fault, remember to quarantine from it as your vitality is much more prioritized. Also if we were so charitable as we are, then we are just enabling their poor habits of taking damage. It is much more kind to deny them first aid to teach them next time to not be injured. What kills you makes you stronger.

4. Never mark any special police unit. They are attempting to contain your beastly associates for their burglarish behavior and you must help them keep their cover from being blown. This means to never help your no ammo affiliate thats being tased or your colleague up when he was foolish enough to be assaulted by a cloaker.

5. Since we are talking about heist difficulties lets talk about heists. Always blow up the Meth lab on Rats, winners don't do drugs. Always gun down the guards during stealth like Shadow Raid while being polite enough not to check their private informations on their pagers. Always Always Always play Deathwish mode. If you aren't going to go in all the way then you're just probably suffering from some sort of complex.

After you're done robbing some poor start-up bank or trafficking drugs that may or may not be worth more then your life, you'll no doubt become quite exasperated by your lack of individuality. While there's no cure for your real life, thankfully in this game you can in fact have a shread of distinction amongst the other barbaric crime perpetrators.

Yes my friends, toss away your childish and quite dreadful hat collection, filled with gibuses and the like, because it's time to jump on the new mask system. Gone are your old wild fantasies of simply owning every possible item, as you now must earn each and every single mask through the course of gambling, most likely underage. The customization for masks is close to endless, with a wide variety of colors and patterns to choose from. Never fear, however, as yet again the game will thankfully take away the terrible burden that comes with making a simple choice, alleviating you of the stress and uncertainty that choices often bring. Instead you will earn your personal trophy of mass murder and armed robbery through the course of a 3 card selection. Similar to the old ball and cup game, you must choose the card you think is the most worthy of your blood-soaked hands after each heist. Your luck is rather random at best, and you will most definitely not end up with a mask on your first go around the ol' card game. Perhaps you will end up with a grip for your pistol, or a delightful flashlight that serves no purpose but to distract and perhaps annoy your brothers-in-arms.

But never fear, as once you do find yourself pulling something other then those ergo grips and short barrels, you'll find yourself with one of three different items that allow you to transform yourself into a not only brutish thug who steals from innocents, but a stylish brutish thug who steals from innocents.

Masks
The most iconic utility of a savage and law-breaking criminal could have, masks are the foundation of your adventure in to the wonders of customization. Here dreams are born, and you will be excited to know that there is quite frankly an abundance of masks to choose from, and rather then have you sit on your rear, waiting for that perfect pattern and color combination to finally drop, instead some of the masks are generous enough to already come with designs plastered on.

Patterns
However, some masks do require a little bit of artistic integrity from it's wearers, and that's where the glorious patterns come in to play. Here dreams are slowly realized to not quite be possible here, as your limited to a small selection of patterns, from tribal tattoos to outright advertisement for this game and it's developers. These designs will be shown brightly on your mask, and will be the last thing the honorable police officers ever see before they become another stepping stone for the next wave of cops that arrive to try and save whatever is left of the building you happen to be camped out in.

Colors/Colours
Yet patterns are not complete without the accompanying color choice. Once again, you'll find yourself in yet another predicament as colors are quite limited. It would seem a color wheel for your pattern's primary and secondary colors is too much choosing for this game, and instead your locked to whatever colors the game deems worthy of being choosable by you.

Once you've created a deliberate and costly attempt at anonymity for your heister, you'll no doubt be accost by the slanderous pieces of plastic that this game has the absolute disgrace to even refer to as "weapons." Although you will once again have to play the ever illustrious card game, your insatiable desire to spray paint your weapons strange camoflague colors and attach ACOG sights has not gone unnoticed by the developers of PAYDAY 2, and they have provided you a wide array of foolish nonsense you may attach to your weapon to increase it's ability to function as a firearm.


Barrel Ext.
They key to any firearm is where the bullet comes out, and adding one of these dongles to the end of your weapon will make not only you feel special, but make everyone else feel like you're compensating for something.

Foregrip
Your sweaty and greasy fingers will no longer have to worry about having your gun drop, as you can thankfully slide on one of these and enjoy the relaxing comfort that a firearm's grip can potentially offer.

Gadgets
Remember that fantastic flashlight? Here's where you can choose to equip that piece of equipment. Oh, and there's lasers here too or something.

Magazine
The constant firing of a weapon is already alone a tedious task, yet having to also reload that same weapon in between can become a very demanding task for such a youthful heister, and you'll no doubt wish to relieve your fingers from having to press that 'r' key for a short while. Picking one of these attachments will make your life that much easier.

Stocks
Having actually fired a real firearm, I can confirm the damage to a shoulder a rifle can potentially bring. As such, having a proper stock to the butt end of your gun will help make your time shooting innocent policemen much more comforting.

Sights
A true marksman has no need for sights, as any professional CoD player could explain to you. Nevertheless, every skrub must start somewhere, and here you can choose from a wide variety of sights to help you and your inability to shoot in a straight line. 360 No Scope 24/7

Congradulations

Thank you for being an excuse for me to waste both your worthless time and life span as I attempt to out compete your inferior genetic dispostion in natural selection.

This was supposed to be a for the lulz guide to share with me and my friends. What started out like that ended in a much hell bound directory, but with the additional contribution by my acquaintance Shepurd. If you are not one of these cheeky scrub lords then please kindly rate me a 6/5 for our commitment.

In Dedication to my Subconscious Desires

Shepurd-San

Guyver-Chan

Yama-Sama

Maybe Paul. Dunno hes kinda okay.