i'm really surprised that no one has made a couch review guide yet. this guide is a COMPREHENSIVE review of the unique couches that I remembered to screenshot during my playthrough. my rating system is a simple one, a numerical score out of ten. I'm not reviewing the fidelity because they're all beautiful and took skilled hands at Bloober Team to create, I'm just rating them based on how they make me feel. therefore nobody can argue with me at all. let me know if I missed any couches and maybe I'll add them when I get a chance!

there is no photo mode in Silent Hill 2 so the images are just cropped gameplay screenshots, sorry about that. i didn't want to download whatever suspicious software you gotta get to unlock freecam in UE5 games. but this guide is NOT about the photography, it's about the couches. it's NOT about chairs or benches or loveseats either. ONLY full couches in this guide.

by the way, if you click on the images and see an invalid url error, copy the link address and put it in your browser manually. i dont know why this happens to people but it happens to me

oh, and this is NOT a fetish thing. well, if it is for you that's fine, but this is a FULLY PLATONIC couch review for me. please do NOT accuse me of being physically attracted to any of these couches.

i might turn this into a video at some point because i think more people need to know about this. anyway let's look at them (the couches):

starting off strong with this couch. lots of grime, but it's grounded. like a couch you'd expect to find outside, it could feasibly be in a normal town and not a messed up silent hill 2 town.
Rating: 8/10

this couch is pretty good. it's got a mix of cigarette ash and what might be damage to the cloth by an animal. i like this couch
Rating: 7/10

just a normal couch. a little bit of wear and tear. the arm rests don't look like they would be comfortable to use as a pillow if you were to lie down, which unfortunately hurts its rating.
Rating: 3/10

this looks like a really uncomfortable couch to sit on. i'm sorry, but who would use a couch like this? this is a pathetic couch.
Rating: 2/10

what's going on here? you can't even see this couch. it's all covered up. i can't f*cking rate this.
Rating: literally impossible

pretty good couch. classy. it would be comfortable to lay down on, too, which is i'm pretty sure where all the gunk on the far armrest comes from.
Rating: 7/10

this couch shows promise, but it could be more grimed up if you ask me my opinion.
Rating: 5/10

oh baby, now we're talking. this is the kind of couch we love to see. it's got tons of character, it's clearly had a full and eventful life. very well done couch, props to bloober team for the couch
Rating: 9/10

is this even a couch? i don't know if i should include this one because i don't know if it really counts as a couch. it's not very comfortable-looking, but it does have storage space.
Rating: 2/10

sometimes it's hard to give a substantive review to a couch when it doesn't say anything to me. what is this couch all about? it looks kinda comfy, but at the same time there is something intimidating about it.
Rating: 4/10




by the way, one thing you notice when you pay attention to couches in this game is that there are a lot of rooms that would normally contain a couch, but simply don't. how weird is that? haha. anyway

starting off the second quarter with a couch that mirrors a lot of experiences i've had in my life living with cats. they're absolutely wild, and will tear up even the nicest patterned couch, and you just have to live with it because cats are really good.
Rating: 6/10

you might be asking me, mr. clumping, why is this one called grandma's couch? well, you can see below that this is in the same apartment as a grandma's toilet helper. she clearly has cats, too. nothing wrong with being old, folks
Rating: 6/10





this couch looks like a previous couch, but it's especially cool because it then turns into a moldy version of itself. you think it's going to be a boring double of a couch you already saw, but then you get a fair amount of grime added to it.
Rating: 7/10







this is a vintage couch with your stock-standard floral print, like you'd see in anybody's house at the time this game is set. the throw pillow makes lying down a bit more comfortable, but who would choose this couch over a bed?
Rating: 3/10

you didn't have this couch at home, but your friend did. you still remember how it smelled like everybody who lived there. you'll never see this couch again.
Rating: 5/10

this couch is kind of flirty - you get a peek, but what else could be going on underneath there? it could be all dirty and grody for all we know. that would be really cool.
Rating: 6/10

it almost doesn't matter what this couch looks like underneath there, because it's got a perfect companion in this grime-infested tarp and the haphazard tape holding it all together. you know this couch is going to stay pristine because nobody's gonna wanna touch this bad boy.
Rating: 8/10

wow! you never see that anymore. you really never see anything like that anymore. do you think they're making popcorn still? sign me up!
Rating: 6/10

this is not even a couch. get rid of this. nobody wants to see this one. nobody wants to even look at this one.












thank you
Rating: 0/10 - not a couch

this is an improved version of the universally poorly-rated couch from a few couches ago. now that it's covered in dust, you could slap it if you want and a lot of fun dust particles would go up in the air and you'd get to sneeze three, maybe four times! you have to make some time for fun when you're stuck in the famous town of "silent hill 2."
Rating: 5/10

you might be thinking that this is a love seat, but if you saw this in game you'd know it's wide enough to fit three people, making it a couch. if you argue with me about this in the comments i will NOT respond.
Rating: 6/10

i feel like everybody worth anything has had this couch at some point. for the true working class just trying to make ends meet, i pour one out to you.
Rating: 7/10

ahhh you hate to see the black mold. you really gotta move out of there soon if you can, trust me. this isn't going to get any better. i know you're struggling, but you gotta budget the time to keep stuff clean so this doesn't happen.
Rating: 8/10

does a restaurant booth count as a couch? i don't know. i don't think anybody could know. at least this one has a respectable amount of space between the seat and the table. bob evans, take notes
Rating: 2/10

are church pews couches? in this specific case, is it really a couch if you're forced to sit there, rather than somewhere you decided to sit on your own? you be the judge.
Rating: 3/10

this couch has clearly had some serious sit time. you can see the silhouette of some truly-relaxed cake in the cushions there, and the glow of the television off to the right has helped this couch give its users a few blissful moments away from the reality that they are stuck in the town of silent hill 2.
Rating: 8/10

this is the kind of couch you see inside of a hotel. you might think you see some grime between the left throw pillow and the back cushion, but that's just the imperfection of my flashlight. this couch is flawless.
Rating: 2/10

this couch has been in regular use since 1959, and contains stains that are visible, smellable, and/or psychological.
Rating: 5/10

you can clearly see that this couch has been lovingly draped with a red cloth or bath robe. this was done to heighten the feelings of sensuality already present when you look at this couch. the shoes are not included in the rating of the couch.
Rating: 4/10

this couch is NOT covered in blood, only red paint. there is no actual grime on this couch.
Rating: 2/10

i kinda wish i knew anything about actual couches so i could say something more substantive than "the pattern looks kinda cool and desert-y." it actually does, though
Rating: 3/10

aWOOga haha. hubba hubba! this is the kind of couch you could spend some time with. it's like when i accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and immediately want to die
Rating: 9/10

here we see a couch featured much earlier in the game in its most gorgeous possible form. this is an extremely pleasing couch.
Rating: 9/10

look i know what i said about this couch's most gorgeous possible form, but wowzers. i mean, golly jeez. look at the sheer detail, the stuffing coming out, the fact that the cushion frame is somehow now rotted wood boards, you can almost taste it. this might be the best couch in the game.
Rating: 10/10

is this couch near a fire, or is it just me!!!!
Rating: 7/10

i know this is the same couch as the last couch, but there's enough different stuff on it that it deserves its own entry. it looks like some debris from the ceiling collapsed onto this couch, and rolled back towards the backrest. i like that.
Rating: 7/10

i know that this couch is the same couch as the last two couches, but that's okay. this one could be the couch of a handyman, a DIY-er, a mannequin maker, or a firefighter! all kinds of people can experience couches.
Rating: 7/10

this is easily the comfiest-looking of what i'm calling the Leather Couch Series. imagine you need a break from the silent hill 2 monsters, and you come across this couch in a safe area. you'd definitely wonk out for a quick snooze. anybody would, it's okay. it's okay to admit it
Rating: 6/10

uh ohhh haha! somebody tipped this couch right over. nobody can even use it like that! isn't that crazy? this couch is all messed up!
Rating: 5/10

this is the last couch i encountered on my playthrough, which is appropriate to how dang DEEP this game can get haha. it really is like you're sinking IN WATER lol. props to the right throw pillow for hanging in there above the water like that, i feel that way too a lot of the time
Rating: 7/10

turns out i missed a couch, and it was the first couch you encounter in the game! it was right after the first time you are attacked by the wet man, so i was disoriented from the intense action. i had to turn up the brightness on this image for you to even see it, but it's there: another unique couch. this shy little number has a lot going for it, i think. it's got stuff on it, the pillows look like they live in the toilet, and i just love looking at it.
Rating: 8/10




i'm out of couches! i might expand on this list if anybody points out that i missed any. i know everybody is on the lookout for couches in silent hill 2 like me.

well? did i miss any couches? i encourage you all to do your own playthrough of SIlent Hill 2 (2024) specifically to contemplate these incredible bloober team couches rendered directly on your personal computer or video game console. trust me, still images do not compare to how wonderful it is to experience these couches in real-time. you can almost smell all of the grime in the couches

what was your favorite couch in the game called silent hill 2: the remake? please let me know