Oh, here we go—here comes this wannabe esports warlord, this digital Napoleon, stomping into another online match like it’s the Battle of Stalingrad, except instead of bullets, he’s firing Cheeto dust and half-formed insults through a fifteen-dollar microphone he got from a garage sale that also sold a used fleshlight and expired pancake mix.

Hey nerd, just wanted to let you know im still in the community and will never, ever go away. Love you boo, please give me more unhinged posts, ty ty