Step 1: Confuse and Annoy with Battle Passes

Remember when one battle pass per season was enough? EA sure doesn’t. Enter Season 22, where the geniuses decided, “Why not double the battle passes and make sure players can’t use their hard-earned Apex Coins to buy them?” That’s right, real money only. Naturally, the backlash was deafening, and EA had to awkwardly backpedal, allowing Apex Coins again. Classic EA: test the waters, realize it’s boiling, and then toss in a life preserver.

Step 2: Ignore the Bugs, Embrace the Chaos

Let’s not forget the technical “charms” of Apex. From lag spikes and frame drops to the infamous errors like “shoe,” “net,” and “leaf” (who names these things?), every session feels like a lottery of frustration. If you’ve ever been booted from a match during a final circle, congratulations, you’ve experienced peak Apex Legends.

Step 3: Ruin Matchmaking for Everyone

Ah, matchmaking—where dreams of fair play go to die. Whether you’re a seasoned pro or a fresh recruit, expect to be tossed into lobbies that make no sense. Level 5 players facing Predator-ranked veterans? Perfectly balanced, as all things should be (except not).

Step 4: Prioritize Profits Over Players

Andrew Wilson, EA’s CEO, recently hinted at “systematic changes” to fuel growth. Translation: brace yourself for more monetization schemes disguised as improvements. It’s like watching a magician pull coins from your pocket—except less magical and more infuriating.

Step 5: "Never Let Them Know Your Next Move"

One of EA’s favorite strategies seems to be keeping players perpetually confused about what’s coming next. Seasonal goals swing wildly between focus on lore, competitive grind, or strange, one-off mechanics that disrupt the game’s core experience. The result? Players can’t settle into any routine or long-term strategy, leading to more frustration than excitement. It’s like spinning a roulette wheel where every outcome screams “surprise!” but rarely in a good way.

Bonus Lesson from Epic Games

Here’s the kicker: Epic Games, the same company that killed Unreal Tournament (rest in peace, my old friend), somehow figured out how to make Fortnite a content powerhouse. Frequent updates, endless creativity, and player-friendly systems have kept their player base massive and loyal. EA, take notes—this is how you maintain a game’s relevance without alienating your audience.

Step 6: Drive Players Away (Mission Accomplished?)

If EA continues on this path, Apex Legends might follow the same fate as other games that lost their player base due to neglect and greed. Fortnite thrives because Epic Games understands the importance of keeping their community engaged and satisfied, even as they make money. Apex Legends needs to learn this lesson fast before it becomes a nostalgic memory rather than a thriving title in the battle royale genre.

Until then, Apex Legends might just become the apex of games we used to love.