Hello, I am Hoswald (Maybe James Sunderland irl ((real))) and welcome to my guide on how to get femboy eldritch horrors to like you.

The first step will be "removing" your current wife, because remember kids, cheating is wrong, and we're very moral here over at the Silent Hill Femboy corporation as you can tell.

So the first step is going to be making sure your wife is sick and or dying, this will give you the best possible chance to win the fight because lets be honest, she got hands, and I'm scared of women so any advantage is an advantage we are going to use.

My weapon of choice for this was a nice embroiled pillow we got for our 8th wedding anniversary, which says live, laugh and love, unfortunately for her none of these three things were present during this event, funeral food was great tho

After a short while, your phone should begin receiving calls from outside your service range, namely hell, where I am almost certain my now ex wife went to because that BANSHEE SOLD MY SKYLANDERS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE GOLDEN TRIGGER HAPPY IS YOU HARLOT!?!

Anyway, Once you manage to receive these messages from Hell, you know that your guilt (or unbridled Skylanders fuelled rage) has opened the possibility for manifestations within Silent Hill, it is VERY important we get a move on and get over to Silent Hill ASAP, because I don't mean to alarm you but you have just committed a murder and that is a little bit not okay in the eyes of Mr Police Man, and your arms are still tired from the smothering so I don't think the squads gonna be a fair fight, and even if it was we clearly do not take those.

Ideally you should delete the phone messages too, because the last thing you want is someone hearing where you're headed, it may cause trouble later, you all remember Cybil right? Yeah. Dont let the cops follow you into Silent Hill.

It's important while on the road to Silent Hill to begin to plan out your time there, there are many sights to see such as the corpses, the corpses, the corpses, the corpses, the corpses and the clock tower! (maybe the gardens if you're a dumb flower nerd, gottem), You'll want to make sure you can take your new date to all these wonderful sights in order to increase that hidden romance meter as MUCHHHH as possible, because otherwise you're not going to be receiving or giving the kind of sword you hoped for (unless you really do feel guilty for removing your wife, then you might accept it idk)

Try putting together a playlist while you're on your way there, DURING YOUR BREAKS!!! DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE THAT'S NOT COOL BRO! WE'RE A MORAL CAUSE HERE!

Hits I recommend:
- The Fog
- The Fog
- The Fog
- The Fog
- Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles
- The Fog
- The Fog

Now Silent Hill manifests things SPECIFICALLY around you and your conscious and unconscious mind, what does that mean? Well it means you're meeting someone made just for you! What's more perfect than that! (And they really ARE made for you, unless you do a Konami and make the iconic monster part of other things too for money YOU DOUCHE BAGS KONAMIII)

You wont even need to pretend to be a cool charming individual! You can be your sad psychotic sliiightly blood soaked self! This handsome triangle jawed individual will love you no matter what! and never leave you! (Provided you remain within the confines of Silent Hill)

Now there may be a fewww things to get past when you first meet them, Number 1 being that they have the same hobby as you, murdering your love interests, try running at a speed that will keep you without any new piercings, it's called playing "Hard to Get!" if you DON'T play hard to get you will instead be playing "Hard to Keep My Organs In Oh God Help Me Please", from here things will differ for you during these early dating sections, as remember, they're tailored to you! so you'll know whats best!

So you've done it, through your charming acts of murder, screaming while you run, pleading for your life and amazing musical playlist (my paypal is on your haunted answering machine), you'll now find yourself quite attached to your new partner, and it's not my place to intrude on your moments of privacy, so I will be leaving you here now, Congratulations on achieving what so few dared even dream of you magnificent creature.

Now just try to survive the rest of the monsters that still occupy this town. I don't really have a solution for that one, I'm currently having my leg gnawed off by some weird baggy person thing, let me tell you it ♥♥♥♥♥♥ SUCKS, so maybe bring a pipe or something to protect yourself.

I must now bid you farewell, I believe my juicy jugular is their next target, and just remember kids, when it comes to smashing Pyramid Head, just remember "There was a Hole here, It's Filled Now."

You may be wondering why I chose to use censored words for some sections, well you see dear reader, this is the second edition of this guide, someone was VERY upset with our previous edition and went to steam support to try and have it removed, unfortunately for them I romanced an eldritch horror so you know whats happening with that. They tried to stop me spreading my message of love and how to romance your new beloved Pyramid Partner, and they have failed.

I hope you two are very happy together

P.S. This was the first ghost message, I've been dead for a while.

Get over here

Now.