""I don’t know why I’m still here anymore
I often like to think I died long ago & this existence is actually hell itself
Some kind of justification for why everything is so f'd up
I don’t know what I’m doing or if it even matters if I do it
Sitting in my bath of blood & vomit again, not knowing what to do,
knowing time is still an endless cycle to nowhere
I’ve been trying to keep myself from drowning in my f'd up head again
I’ve spoken to multiple doctors & psychiatrists begging for some kind of help, all I got were referrals to some other f'wit who is horribly incompetent at his/her job as a mental health specialist.
being tossed around like a f'ing ball.
Eventually, it dropped & everyone f off.
Here is all I know.
I’m diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, & borderline personality disorder.
I have attempted to kill others & myself multiple times in the past, present, & certainly in the future.
I can hear everyone screaming in my head & I can’t crush your f'ing face
I see them & I cripple
I still have not received any actual help for my disorders.
I get paid to suffer.
However, I am still the same self-destructive person, I burned my bridges & I cannot be f'd to re-build it
I just do not know what to do
Humanity is dust in a vacuum
Nothing will ever change
You are the same helpless child you have always been
I need some drugs, a smoke and d in my ass, & maybe I won’t try again""