Fig.1: 2 Witches.

These 2 people you see before your very eyes are Witches. They are women that like crying for whatever reason in their personal zones. They also have huge claws that can kill anyone relatively quickly. They don't like company very much and may accidentally kill intruders out of anger.

Despite looking threatening, Witches are actually respected and adored by some. Why? You'll see.

Witches have done many great things for survivors and the like. The following images show a few good examples:

Donating to Charities
Fig.2: Witch donating to Louis's charity to convince the AI Director to increase pain pills spawning chance in every map.

Helping Gordon Freeman save the world
Fig.3: Witch giving a medkit to Gordon in order to help him save the world.

Saving people from death
Fig.4: Witch saving the TF2 Engineer from falling to his death

As you can see, Witches have done honorable actions for humanity. They deserve better than what they get, wouldn't you agree?

You must be thinking: "Damn I feel bad for these witches man, maybe I should give them something to show my gratitude for their help. But what?"

Well that's easy to answer. All they want is a lifetime supply of sugar and candy (which you need to show to them in order for them to not get mad at your presence), but you can also:

• Protect them from internet artists
  
• Play L4D2 with them (don't attack any witches in game or they will go postal!)
  
• Remind them that fiction isn't reality

Fig.5: TF2 Scout protecting a Witch.

Fig.6: Zoey, an evil and despicable survivor.

Zoey is the name of a teenage girl who is very arrogant and who many douchebags thirst for. Being a Zoey means being an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

Zoey does mean things to everyone, because she knows that a good part of the L4D community loves her for looking attractive, and so she thinks she can be a douche without being punished.

Stealing from others
Fig.7: Zoey about to eat a sandvich that she stole from the TF2 Heavy weapons guy.

Being mean to Witches
Fig.8: Zoey bullying a Witch

Trying to defeat Gordon Freeman
Fig.9: Gordon surrendering to Zoey (do not fret, a Witch saved him later!)

Ruining puzzles
Fig.10: Zoey about to snipe Chell while she is thinking with portals.

This should be more than enough to convince you that Zoey is a huge piece of crap that is only liked by thirsty simps.

• It's not their fault that they get in your way sometimes
  
• They are still trying to wipe Zoey off the face of the earth to this day
  
• They are an endangered special infected
  
• They are still helping Gordon Freeman save the world
  
• They know where you live (although that's not important, i think)

Now go ahead and show gratitude to the many Witches that roam the maps.

Special thanks to my buddy soot for being the Beta-Reader.
Fig.11: Ellis and a Witch posing for the camera after she helps him rebuild his 99% zombie-proof armored truck.