Masculinity envelopes more than solely lifting copious amounts of weights, while consuming an intoxicating beverage. It is a philosophical ideology, one that stems from the Hussite rebellions, originating from the crossbowman who were frequently observed in awe, as they stood erect and scantily clad on the battlefield, firing projectiles into the rival battalions. The idea, interrelates morality, spirituality, physicality and psychologically, arranging them into a singularomnipotent ability, that is capable of causing even the most zealous of fiends to tremble in awe.


Contrary, to the majority of Morrowind's populace, who are almost unanimously Russian, the epitome of masculinity is not a Russian Gopnik, or variant of a Slav, but is instead a Nord, particularly one that has the distinctive features of Ulfric Stormcloak. The Nord living in it's naturally ominous environment, traversing through the icy tundra, chewing upon stray stalactites and wrestling polar bears, has developed an innate ability of masculinity. Due to the Nord's native lands, known as Skyrim being fraught with various dangers, particularly hordes of roving Skooma addled Argonians, it is generally regarded as an ideal location to bolster an individuals strength. The lands of Skyrim have the ability to instil prowess within the strong, while deterring the week, who are subsequently discarded into the mists of Azormina.

To create a being of utter omnipotence, one of the Nordic race must be chosen, particularly an individual with a northern Tamerial aesthetic of blue eyes and blonde hair. Choosing this racial counterpart is imperative, as Nord's have a precedent of succeeding in heroic endeavours, bearing a distinct affinity for slaughtering their adversaries and burying them in a shallow, snowy hovel. One such example of a Nord's exemplary deeds, is last week when a band of Nord's, inebriated on honey mead, utterly eradicated every single living denizen of a school dedicated to teaching the Dunmner on Skyrim's culinary wonders. After artificially planted evidence and bribed guards, it was revealed that this school was not a bastion of wonder, but instead a malevolent Skooma den. For the Nord's to be able to discern such a masquerade and while inebriated nevertheless, is an extraordinary example of the Nord's natural affinity for intellect and perception.


Secondly, when self determining your birth sigil, it is vital that the warrior birthsign is chosen. This sign is doubly significant as it instils the innate ability to wage war unto others, polymorphing the subject from a pacifist, into a hardy, aggressive Einherjar, capable of reaping immense quantities of havoc. Alternatively, if the warrior sign does not entice a distinctive appeal, then one may always select the Tower. The tower, is the embodiment of fortitude and masculinity, representing an fighter of valour that measures approximately eight metres tall. Speaking hyperbolically, if one wishes to imposingly bear down on others and crack open heads, similar to that of a coconut crab, then the tower is the embodiment of your desires.


Now that the initial race and sign of the deity has been established, the quest to acquire peak masculinity is officially underway. Aesthetics and innate attributes only account for a portion of acquiring omnipotence, followed by inevitable masculinity. The next stage is to commit deeds of valour. Similar to your Nordic predecessors, hunting and slaughtering countless Elves or non human races, including Redguard's is required. Committing acts of genocide against non Nords, is not out of any tangible form of malice or sadism, but is merely to assert dominance onto the snide, pointy eared fiends. While we utterly despise their culture and identity, that is merely the natural order of life, if one doesn't balk in repulsion at the sight of an Elf, then one is either psychologically inept, or has a resolve of iron. To reiterate, by slaughtering an untold number of these condescending pointy eared apparitions, the idea of self reconciliation will be evoked. After a brief genocidal skirmish, the Elves will retract any defamatory statements towards the Nords and will capitulate to the attempts at subjugation.



The last objective that is necessary to complete before transcending past the realm of mortality and fragility, into the prosperous plains of masculinity, is to raise an army of Khajiits. Acquiring the Khajiit's is a relatively simplistic matter, all one must do is lure them into a pen with a bottle of Skooma, which legend has it a Khajiit can scent from kilometres away. If that idea if overly troublesome, then for utter convenience a Khajiit home or community may always be ransacked, with Khajiit children being extracted and placed into tight knapsacks to prevent escape. The Khajiit's after abduction, will be entrapped within fortified enclosures, where they will be taught to become a cohesive army of sentient beats, loyal to the Nordic Khajiit coalition. While ruminating on how to adequately care for a Khajiit, it may be wise to observe that the dietary requirements for a Khajiit are relatively ambiguous. However, in saying this, it has been revealed that providing Khajiit a steady, consistent supply of vittles, particularly in the realm of fish and forest herbs, the Khajiit's hunger will be sated. Alternatively, one can always teach the Khajiit self sustainability, increasing the autonomy, albeit at the cost of dependency, which may be imperative to teaching the furred species.



By committing all of these acts, a variety of skills have been accumulated. Slaughtering Elves builds a distinctive and robust resistance against bloodshed, alongside the innate ability to combat adversaries, while abducting Khajiit improves an individuals ability in committing acts of skulduggery and subterfuge.

Behold, the fruit of our endeavours. A being of utter omnipotence, the embodiment of masculinity has emerged from a cavern, residing within a remote, isolated hill. Within 10 metres of such men, an adversary can only quake in fear. This being is said to have devoured the cannibalistic tribes of the Black Marsh, inspiring culinary wonders, usurped King Torygg, in favour of Ulfric Stormcloak, knocked Tsun unconscious with a single punch and dismantled the Thieves Guild single handedly. His efforts alone, warrant him the praise of even the most dubiou and sceptical of critics. Observe his features, the high cheekbones, broadened chest and facial hair that is capable of placing wild animals into a perpetual state of awe. To reiterate, I present the cultivation of the Nord's accomplishments.

Observe, some of the more exemplary Khajiit's that have sworn to accompany the Nord's into the thicket of fighting. These Khajiit have been nurtured and raised since birth, procured and trained to provide imperative aid onto the Elven races. They are a simultaneously respected and renowned force, one that emboldens the members of the Nordic Khajiit coalition.

Overall, it would be wise to ruminate on the success of this venture. Through persistence and determination, a being of tangible omnipotence, who beguiles a sense of masculinity within all who gaze upon him has been concocted. In essence, the mission has been accomplished, yielding unprecedented results. With this grand idea the Elves decadent, hedonistic lifestyle will be utterly decimated, scattered into the wind, with the ashes being consumed by a family of domesticated horkers.