You remember the time travel from the previous games? Well this time it is not DLC exclusive. Enter Iudex Gundyr who really wanted his own personal firekeeper waifu, but was too slow and let the flame die out. Probably the worst day of his whole life, but that was not enough:
Later on we traveled back in time to kick his ass, just to make sure that he holds the coiled sword for our past arrival just to beat the ♥♥♥♥ out of him again.
He is literally the Hudor of Dark Souls and gets way less sympathy from the fandom than anyone else. Despite clearly needing some form of attention and care. Get this man a therapist so that he can recount his future experiences.

Vordt is just a knight that got transformed by the ring his pontiff gave him and was told to conquer Lothric with the help of someone we will meet later on. That is everything. He stands in our way as our affiliation is with Lothric as of now, so let’s burn the dog “Kono-Dio” style.

You remember these shield descriptions about good spirit trees? Before Dark Souls 3 we had no real indication about their existence and just took them for granted. This time From went like: Yeah, they are real btw.
This tree spirit was a great guy that wanted to protect humans from harm and curses. So he became the Jesus of tree spirits minus the dying part and living on with the curses of mankind.
Short annotation: Curses in Dark Souls can not be lifted, they can only be transferred from one living being to another. Purging Stones are alive per definition and you just transfer your curse over them to bear.
The curses became too many in numbers and finally took over. Good guy tree became bad guy tree and nature decided to take revenge on humans:
This tree ain’t pulling no punches and does not need a Lorax to communicate.
To express my gratitude for From Software for bringing up environmentalist messages, I shall commemorate Curse-Rotted Greatwood with honor and want to sincerely thank every tree on this world for suffering through us humans. Thank you, and now burn in hell.

Remember the biggest secret in Dark Souls 1:
Why do they call him Big Hat Logan?
We can not answer that question, but at least we can answer the question for his existence:
Dark Souls fan service.
And him being a scholar who studied Logan’s mysteries and in iteration Seath too. The good news is that he not went mad, but just parted with his twin sister (the other Crystal Sage in the Grand Archives) to discuss some serious business with the Abysswatchers. Working for them he created faster spells than normal. You really want to take the head of the Abysswatchers though and he is kinda working with them. And not to forget: He is blocking the path to the Deacons of the Deep. You shall parish Crystal Sage. Big hats are out of fashion since like before the beginning of the cycles.


Okay, to unpack some things. There was this cleric called Aldrich that really wanted to eat many things to grow big and strong. Additionally he had visions of the future, of an age belonging to the Deep (maybe Ash Lake which got corrupted by the Dark?). Aldrich later on was forced to relink the fire, but he kept the cult which was pretty happy upon his revival. He had three faithfuls, one of them being archduke Royce that remained in the chapel. One of them decided to join Rosaria and the last one got eaten by some actual dogs of the pontiff as he decided to feed Aldrich the Devourer of Gods with something pretty special, but did not want to have this cult around to annoy him.
The deacons kept a doll to visit their god maybe, but you need it to reach Irythill to slay their god/pope. I am slowly getting the feeling that FromSoftware does not like religion in any form or capacity.

Transcript of a meeting with Miyazaki to discuss the promotional campaign:

ソフトウェアから：
宮崎さん、深刻な問題を抱えています。プレイヤーのニーズを満たすには、過度にエッジの効いたファンサービスを搭載した敵が必要です。手伝ってくれる？
宮崎：
とがった帽子とアルトリアスとの関係。それはすべてを修正します。
ソフトウェアから：
サー、あなたは天才です。
Transcript translated
From Software:
Miyazaki-san, we are having a serious problem. We need an overly edgy and fanservice loaded enemy to satisfy the needs of the players. Can you help us?
Miyazaki:
Pointy hats and relations to Artorias. That fixes everything.
From Software:
Sir, you are a genius.

These guys are edgelords with pointy hats that really wanted to be like Artorias and as such decided to fight the abyss anywhere. Ending many kingdoms in the process and becoming Itachi Uchiha but in Dark Souls. And now they got corrupted by the abyss themselves, but they need to fight the abyss. Which means they have to fight themselves in never-ending battles. But you need their head for rekindling that fire and if you are at it: take the hat too.

Time for a little story. Once there was the kingdom of Carthus and many strong high lords. Then came Wolnir and he beat them all into submission, took their land, their wives and their crowns, called them weaklings and made his own superior crown like a boss.
Then he dealt with the abyss and got superior power, but remained safe from consumption by having three golden bracelets on his arms.
Then he “died”, but you summon him by touching his stuff, because he is damn angry for you touching his stuff. Eight rule of the fight club: At your first night you will have to fight.

Without the power of the Chaos Flame the demons became way weaker over the years. They once had a champion, but it got slain by a certain someone later on the list. He is the last demon that has been born before the death of the Bed of Chaos. So he is so old at this point that I am not sure, if you are just trying to beat a retired wrestler. I mean: He once was pretty powerful, but as of now: Damn, we really got no honor, but we want that sweet soul. So begone demon, you can rest in peace. At least you died in a glorious battle.

Born in the Painted World of Ariandel he did not care about it and left.
So we got to this point: the guy that is responsible for like 99% of anything that we encountered before. He overthrew the local government with the power of Aldrich (aka another discount Jesus) to get rid of Gwyndolin. He sended Vordt to conquer Lothric Castle. He rose to power by abusing religion and became a hardliner only in name. He has a sword powered by the Profaned Flame and to understand the intentions of the Profaned Flame I am not getting paid enough (this was an excuse, the author is just too dumb).
This is a mastermind and would have been a fitting final boss. Something that Miyazaki believed too, but in the last moment From Software changed their mind and he just became another “important” person.
Let’s sum it up: the guy is like really annoying, endangers a dragon waifu and stands in our way. Time to slay that son of an unknown mother.

Yhorm is probably one of the most tragic figures. Giants had a hard time in Dark Souls history (for this lore consult Dark Souls 2) and humans were true ******** so Yhorm decided to link the fire to stop the profaned flame and protect the humans that despised him. The plan did not work and after linking the fire he is done with that. Too much pain, no respect and absolutely no relevant effect, At least he had one human friend that he gave one of the Stormruler: Onion Knight 2.0. The other one he left to the humans to dare them to try to strike him down. They did not.
This is awkward, but sorry bro. You may have carried an age just to be a nice guy, but this time we need to force you. Free will is an illusion.

To repeat myself: grow big and strong for daddy Deep and slay everything that is above Deep. His lore is really uncomplicated. Started as religious fanatic, later one became a sign of sin and a lord of cinder. After he was revived, Sulyvahn gave him a call for a dinner and Aldrich started eating a weakened Gwyndolin that suffered from Covid.
That’s it. You know the drill: Take his head to the throne!

This one is a little more interesting. So amazing chest ahead left Lordran a while ago, but that does not mean she had not more family on her own. Her daughter not so amazing chest was a maiden of her mother (nice fetish Sulyvahn) that Sulyvahn made his personal dancer. When he got bored, Sulyvan made her an Outrider Knight to take over Lothric Castle. And after Emma dying there is nothing stopping the Dancer to put on some good music and slaying you over and over again.
So put this music on and enjoy your time:

I don’t know. Okay, they talk about something called the pilgrim butterfly. Cool. It seems it wanted to reach the top of Lothric and the armor once belonged to a great knight that was a fanboy of Ornsteinn and Smough. So they combined their forces to … beat you to a pulp?
Like this enemy has no reason to hate you or anything. This is the most random boss I have seen in a while and I just accept that he exists and offers a cool experience.

Remember Seath? He was an ancient dragon!
Remember Seath? He once created sorcery!
Oceiros once was a king of Lothric (did we travel back in time again?) and really wanted to live forever. The only conclusion is to study up and he became a student of Seath’s scrolls. That transformed him into a dragon and his child Ocelotte was born invisible. Oceiros becoming more feral over the course of the fight decided to smash that child and kill you.
Why do you want to kill him? Loot and a gesture.

So we are back in the past and he is ready to kick your ass (literally). This time for real. As he is not tired, old, possessed by the abyss, sheath to a sword, out of training, limiting himself and actually remembers his martial arts training (that kick would make Bruce Lee proud).
This battle is absolutely insane and just a fight between two really powerful guys to prove who is better. What an absolute man and unit. This is the reason I am here for.

Lothric is the younger son and Lorian is the older son of Oceiros and both of them got rekt by destiny. Lorian is able to link the fire, so Lothric was the last hope of the Lothric line.
So Lorian and Lothric fused their soul to become strong enough as Lord of Cinders, but then decided to not do the one job that they had. That is the reason for the revival of the other Lords of Cinders.
This time though you are dragging them there. And you won’t leave without a soul.

It is a dragon that wants to kill people. And you are people.

So Gwyn had a son and as this game needed more fan service:
Gwyn’s son, here we go. A difficult battle only for the honor of fighting each other as he only respects power. And seemingly you do too. There is actually not much incentive to fight him, but at least there “is” a reason.

The accumulation of every person that linked the fire. Combining every strength you had in previous games to create the ultimate super soldier that never optimized his build for PVP which is the reason that you can absolutely destroy him in any form and with any weapon. Git gud casual.
So you finish the fight….
Unless.
PLIN PLIN PLON
And you get a Gwyn, Lord of Cinder rematch in a faster environment to absolutely kick him back to the original game when poise still was the way to go.

PVP always has been a part of the Dark Souls series and at one point the AI became sentient and decided to make tournaments. The champion that had this glorious idea died one day though and this guy and wolf are caring for his grave till death sets them apart which will not happen in multiple timelines. Ariandel is the place for trash to accumulate that is unwanted by everyone around them and this is peak trash. No reason not for them to be there.

This painting is a rotting mess that should be burning down for the sake of everyone. But Friede being an Unkindled one decided to stop the cycle just like a certain someone else and asked Father Ariandel to stop the flame from burning down the painting by using his own blood to suffocate the flame.
They can not let go from the past, so you will burn down their past and destroy it with every weapon in your honed arsenal. Everything that belongs in the trash will burn:
The painting, the area, the DLC, and not to forget Final Fantasy XIV 1.0

So in their own quirky way demons have their own champions too that are able to rekindle the chaos flame. The Demon Prince was the strongest demon to have ever lived and challenged Lorian when that guy was at his peak and their fight was so epic that the cutscene budget would have been eaten up. In short: they fought and it was insane.
These two demons (the one in pain and the one from below) are the last remaining demons. Demons are quite interesting in their biology and share their memories and power which got revealed in the holy book of “Retcon”. So when you kill the last remaining demon, the power of the Demon Prince is not diverted anymore and the last one ascends to his final form.

Darkeater Midir was an ancient dragon that is supposed to serve the gods. And he did, but got consumed over time by the abyss and as such became a feral being only wanting to defend his territory. So put that poor dragon out of his misery, he earned his peace after millenia of serving the gods. I wish that little guy had a better owner.


Gael is a being from the Painted World that is like an uncle to the painter and enjoyed his time there. But when Friede decided to stop the cycle and prevented the painting from burning down, he tried to find an Ashen One to free the painter. The painter already told you that she needs the Dark Soul to paint a new world. Gael knew that too and tried to find it himself, but could only absorb it from the dead and dried pigmy. So he did and it was just too much for him to handle which is the reason you need to strike him down.
There is no real joke to be made:
He did what he believed in, accepted the end of his age, but needed to sacrifice himself for it.
Thank you for your service.

So this is the end. I hope you had a good read and could enjoy this. I also make reviews for games on Steam.

Originally posted by author:

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