Tanks. They're amazing, aren't they? I love the guys, crazy as that may sound, and I love it when they appear on any given map, insane as that may sound. They're just a barrel of fun for me, and I'm here to hopefully get you to agree with me.

Now. *Rubs hands together.* Let's get started.
So, anybody who's played Left 4 Dead 1 or 2 for an uncertain length of time should have met one of these guys at least once. Or, y'all saw one or two on a trailer, video, gif, picture, or night terror somewhere. I dunno. I ain't you. But, yeah. It's a big, muscle-y, hulk of a thing that looks like Frankenstein's Monster's third cousin twice removed. And he's awesome.

He's big. He's mean. And he's ENRAGED.

Some basics about this walking wall of Anger Management Issues:

• It's health is different for every difficulty and game mode, ranging between 3000 to 8000.
  
• Although heavy looking, it's fast and can catch up to survivors with even full health.
  
• The higher the difficulty, the harder it will hit, and the more health you'll lose.
  
• Like a troll of myth, it hates fire, but it can put itself out on certain maps.
  
• Any weapon can, and will, eventually kill a Tank, some are just faster at it.
  
• This dude knows Car-fu and WILL use it.
  
• It's constantly growling and roaring and just generally making noise, so it's hardly a ninja. Although, they can sneak up on you, if you aren't careful.
  
• You CAN beat this guy without loss of health to you or your teammates, even if they are bots.
  
• Like hiccups, this guy can't swim.

Now, I know that y'all can find this information anywhere. It's even gone into detail on the wiki made specifically for Left 4 Dead 1 and 2. But, eh... I'll go into it, too. This is an 'informative' guide, after all.

So, to get started off:

Fire: Hoh, man. Fire~ Burn baby, burn~ To save ammunition, time, and lives, set this wicked beast on fire as quickly as you can. Molotovs, Gas Cans, Explosive Barrels, Fireworks, fire that's already on-map, or the Gates of Hell themselves. It doesn't matter how you do it, it just matters that you do. The flames will practically eat the Tank's health, and it slows it down slightly. Bonus. Now, that's not to say that it still won't catch up to you, so keep moving. (Note: If you playing the first Left 4 Dead, Tanks outside of Versus are actually sped up when engulfed in flames. Use molotovs with extreme caution in this case.) As long as you aren't playing against other players, you can ALWAYS count on the bot Tank to run right through your fire. So, place your ignition source of choice right in its path, and the lummox will plow in towards you and through the fire without so much as a blink. (Some Versus players will do this as well. I'm guilty as charged.) As for human players, they can walk backwards to avoid your fire traps, strafe, or find other ways around the little lakes of fire to still get at you. So, the best time to molly them is when they're practicing their Overhead Pass with a chunk of concrete, climbing objects or walls (if they're low enough), or when they're right on top of you. Kamikaze fire. Just remember, on maps where the water is deep enough, the Tank will put the fire out, like on the second-half of Hard Rain, Swamp Fever, Cold Stream, et cetera. So, rule of thumb is, if the water's halfway up the shin or higher, the Tank will be able to put out your fire.

Incendiary and Explosive Rounds: If you know what these are, you know what they do. If you don't, well here's the run down: Incendiary Bullets set zombies on fire, and Explosive Bullets blow Common zombies up and stagger Special Infected (except the Tank). Fire Ammo only keeps a Tank lit for five seconds at a time, but if you conserve your ammo and just keep it lit, it'll die quickly. Also, using a grenade launcher with this temporary ammo upgrade on the Tank will keep it on fire until it dies, so keep that in mind. Explosive Rounds, even though the Tank isn't slowed by these no matter the gun, do a lot more damage than regular bullets. Depending on the gun you have, a full clip of this ammo will kill one fairly quickly on the easier difficulties. Unfortunately for the survivors, Explosive Ammunition is not in Versus, so don't bother looking for it.

Oxygen Tanks, Pipe Bombs, and Propane Tanks:
These guys, while usually difficult to place, because of their specific and relatively short blast radii, can help you if you have the skill or luck to use them against the Tank. The explosion from any will cause, not only a fair amount of damage to the dude (depending on how close it is when they explode, the damage count will vary), but they will also stagger the large infected for a few precious seconds, giving the survivors some much needed breathing room. If you time it right while a Tank is on fire, the staggering and added damage will kill it. And, if you place one or more in the right spot(s) and lure a Tank near to it(them), the explosion can stagger it into an instant death by making it back itself off of ledges and/or into deep water. Sounds like a sweet deal to me. The only reason why I know about the pipe bomb thing is because I was lucky a few times in the past. So, unless you're a brilliant strategist, these are going to just be luck-based modes of damage, but try for them all the same.

Bile Bombs: These can be a Godsend on higher difficulties. Just let the Commons rip the guy to shreds while you run away. Perfect! And, as long as you're not playing a mode that turns off glows, you and your teammates will know wherever the Tank is, until either the effect wears off or it dies. Thank the Nine... Bile Bombs will cause a horde event, but it's honestly best to save these for finales or never-ending hordes if you want the Tank dead and the Commons off of you. But, eh, it's just a suggestion. For bot Tanks, if you can, try to 'sneak up' on a waiting Tank and bile it, then run away before it can get you. This can be a great tactic, and it's generally just funny to anger the big guy in this manner. Also, against human players, this will blind them for a short amount of time as it would when you get Boomer'd as a survivor. Some can see past the bile, others can't. Just use it anyway if you need to. Well, it's a human player, so I guess any help you can get is warranted.

Since the stats picture from the wiki (if you take the time to look it up) goes by gun and melee-type, and I want to do this my own way, I figured that it would be most helpful to list these weapons from the fastest to the slowest at killing Tanks from the hardest to the easiest game difficulties. Seems reasonable, but what do I know? After all, this is my guide, so I'm biased.

Starting off with guns: (shots that hit/seconds to take down)

Since I was unable to find any definite round and time count for these two weapons, the following are best guesses, imperfect math, and generalizations. I tried to do the math myself, and I'm not sure if I did it correctly, so take it with a grain of salt. The numbers don't account for bullet spread from distance or following a moving target, just accurate hits per second.


Now, the table for melee weapons will be set up differently, as the only official information given is how many hits and how long it takes to kill an Expert Tank, excepting the chainsaw.


The chainsaw, as mentioned before, is given more information. As the shredding weapon does 1,000 damage per second, you just need to keep the difficulty's Tank's health in mind if you want to take it down with this weapon. It's useful in a pinch, but it's very slow on its revving up speed. So, you need to either have this melee out and ready, or take it out quickly if you realize that you're being cornered, and pray that it's revved up in time for you to protect yourself.

Okay, previous given information aside, none of this is helpful to you unless you know what to do when a Tank is holding your number in its meaty fingers of doom.

I'MMA COMIN' FER YOU~ AVAST YER HIDE~

Well, I'm here to FINALLY tell you how to use all of this information to keep you alive long enough to get to the next safe room and board the rescue vehicle. I know, I know. I'm really wordy. But, I need to be to go in-depth with all of this. Es muy importante.

To start off, you need to know the Tank's health per difficulty.


Trust me, reader, this isn't actually a lot. It just seems to take forever, because the fast-paced action is tricking you. Depending on how you go at this guy, it'll topple over in no time.

Okay, so you have a veritable angered Quarterback running at you, ready to beat your head in. Maybe its team lost the game. Maybe it stubbed its toe. Maybe someone made fun of its stamp collection. Who knows? All you know is that Death is barreling towards you with all eighteen wheels. So, what do you do?

Use guns: Now, all of that confusing math from earlier aside, it doesn't matter which gun has the fastest firing or reloading speeds or does the most damage. You have your favorite(s) and so do I. I'm not gonna let MATH get in the way of my fun. Besides, they all will kill it eventually, so what does it matter? Use what you like, how you like. But, you should still totally shoot this dude. If you want to live longer, or not lose health from this guy at all, keep your distance and pump its guts full of lead.

Use melee: Unless you're going for the achievement, TANK BURGER, I'd recommend that you use this as a last resort. Again, use whatever melee weapon you like, and just Road House this zombie into submission. Sometimes, you'll just have no choice when it comes to this. Whether you're low or out of ammo, were surprise attacked by the Tank while you had your melee weapon out, got the crazy itch in you, accidentally pulled out your melee weapon, are cornered, or whatever else may have put you in this situation, you now have to tenderize a wall of meat with a glorified sharp stick. It's probably going to test your bones' and tendons' resistance to force, unless it doesn't, for whatever reason. If you do get punched or rocked, depending on where you are, this could be to your advantage. In an open spot, you will be knocked back, and if you get back in control of your chosen character in time, you can get away to switch to your gun and shoot the dude. On Expert, you'll be immediately incapacitated, which automatically brings out your pistol, and you can aid your teammates from the ground by shooting it. (The mode you're in will effect this. As in, if you are in a Mutation that has you by yourself, it would actually suck if you went down.) But, if you're cornered, if you haven't already, pull out your melee weapon and start smacking the Tank whenever you can. Depending on your and its health, you might be able to kill it before you go down.

Use Items: THESE. FRICKIN', THESE. You should use any given items that you can find on-map against a Tank. Now, not everyone ducks into every last room to hunt for items, and I get that. Sometimes, it's imperative that you don't. Still, try to get your hands on anything that you can throw at or use against the Tank.

Here's what you have available, and what you can use them for: I'm aware that I mentioned some of these before, but I didn't list every last, little thing, so bear with me. I'm working up to the precise details.

• Bile Jar - Causes the Commons to attack the Tank/ Versus - Can blind the player for a few seconds.
  
• Explosive Ammo - Explosive damage; adds extra damage to bullets.
  
• Explosive Barrel - (Sacrifice Exclusive) Does fire and explosion damage; shrapnel does small damage as well.
  
• Fireworks - Fire damage; has a wider area and lasts longer than a molotov or gas can.
  
• Gas Can - Fire damage; creates a lake of fire as a trap or barrier.
  
• Incendiary Ammo - Fire damage; adds extra damage to bullets; aim-a-flame, essentially.
  
• Laser Sight - Increases accuracy for the character. (Since you'll be using your gun a lot, especially while running around, this is useful.)
  
• Molotov - Fire damage; creates a lake of fire instantaneously.
  
• Oxygen Tank - Explosion damage; delayed explosion (except if set off with a shotgun).
  
• Pipe Bomb - Explosion damage; longer delayed explosion.
  
• Propane Tank - Explosion damage.

Keep Your Health and Ammunition Counts Up: These are a given, but they should be brought up anyway. What's the point of your gun, if you have no bullets to shoot? What's the point of shooting, if you're too low on health to run? What's the point of health items, if you don't heal? What's the point of Lil' Peanut, when Moustachio is a lot cooler? What's the point of trying to survive, if you aren't actually trying? You get my drift? These are your gifts from god in-game:

• Adrenaline - Increases player speed (melee fatigue regeneration, action time, water-running, and Common hits) and gives +25 health for 15 seconds.
  
• Ammo Pile - Few and far between on-map, except for safe rooms and finales.
  
• Defibrillator - Brings one dead teammate back to life per unit; 50 health on revive.
  
• First Aid Kit - Permanent restore of 80% of survivor health; restarts 'the countdown' to death, by removing player from 'Black and White' and resetting the damage needed to get back to that state.
  
• First Aid Station - Randomly supplies survivors with either First Aid Kits, pain pills, or both.
  
• Pain Pills - +50 health that diminishes over time.
  
• Laughter - Will slow or stop the urge for murderous rampages and/or rage quits.

Use Your Legs and Think on Your Feet: KEEP MOVING. You wanna live? Then RUN AND DON'T STOP. The Tank isn't going on a Tea Break, and won't wait for you to finish up yours, either. You can run circles around a Tank just to avoid getting hit, if need be. It's all down to:

• Am I alone?
  
• Is it okay if I go down?
  
• What game mode/ part of the map is it?
  
• Will I respawn?/ Is there a defibrillator on the map or my teammates?
  
• What will stop me from getting away?
  
• How much room is between me and the Tank?
  
• Are there things around me/ on my person that I can use to slow or injure the Tank?

There are many other questions that you'll subconsciously ask yourself as well, but you should be able to guess them on your own from the context of the rest of the information I'll give you.

And, lastly, Use the Environment: It doesn't matter how many Tanks are after you, if you are aware of them, you can avoid them all if you use the world around you to hide from their attacks. Hell, you can even hide behind things that they can knock at you to save your skin. Fences, cars, trucks, vans, walls, pillars, escalators, doors, stairs, anything. IF YOU CAN HIDE BEHIND IT, YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF FROM PUNCHES AND ROCK THROWS, NO MATTER THE DISTANCE. At worst, if you're close to whatever you're hiding behind, and a rock hits near you, you'll be staggered. Or, you might wait too long behind a car or forklift or what have you, and end up incapacitated, as the Tank bowled it over you. At best, you get more breathing room, lose few to no health points, and have more chances to lure the Tank into a trap.

Now, just to mix things up, some people have created Tanks with differing kinds of perks, quirks, and abilities to make game play a little more interesting and/or challenging for those who play on them. Either on purpose or on accident.

Hey, I like it. I'd like more, too. Because, iz funnie tooo meh.

Cobalt Tank
You'll recognize this guy right-quick. It looks like it was stricken with a negative Wind Attack effect, or like it's trying to quantum leap, and it'll be running around the map like The Flash, just blue. It's FAST. It has no range attack, but I guess that doesn't really matter, since IT'S CHASING AFTER YOU LIKE A DEMON HOUND, READY TO PUMMEL YOU INTO DUST BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN SEE ITS HAND COMING TOWARDS YOUR FACE.

Fire Tank
This guy is red and on fire, like Aries' bangin' hair in God of War. Its throwing rocks are also on fire~ Dude's pretty much a dragon at this point. I ain't knockin' that. A point of warning, though: DO NOT attack this guy with melee if you can help it. This Tank usually spontaneously combusts when you do that. It's like a Shambles, man... Gonna take you with it.

Ghost Tank
I don't particularly like this Tank. Just saying. Visibility is an issue. Like Harry Potter, you have to have a keen eye to see this dude. It's almost completely invisible. So, hopefully you have your game volume up and aren't listening to music or what have you when this guy pops up. Gotta Samurai Jack to pinpoint it and pray that you hit some part of it. Commons around this Tank can turn invisible, too, so be aware of that. And, to add insult to injury, attacking with melee can get you to drop your weapon. I dunno how that works, but that's what my sources say. When it's dead:

Gravity Tank
As a little heart to heart, I will admit that this Tank frightens me. This one looks like the void of space. Awesome. This guy's motif? It has a field around it that sucks in any nearby survivors that is difficult to fight your way out of as it bears down on you. Frightening. You will KNOW when this guy is close, as you find yourself being dragged in its direction. Being unaware that this Tank is on the map makes it even MORE horrifying as you're slowly getting pulled backwards even though you're moving forwards, and WHAT IS HAPPENING, EVEN?! On a funnier note, when it slaps you, it'll send you FLYING across the map. It has a high chance to incapacitate you, but depending on the jump modding on the server, this may or may not be an issue. You'll know who it's pulling in if it has a white, see-through 'tether' sticking out of it that latches onto a player or bot. It also looks like a shining star the further away you are. Purdy~

Heal Tank
This guy heals itself when it's around other zombies, and even faster when it's near other Tanks (It flashes a neon green around its outline as it heals). So, it's basically a regenerator that makes itself annoying to kill during horde events. Oh, joy. Just keep hammering this guy and try to kill it as quickly as possible, or else you'll never get rid of it. And, I'm not sure if this is, like, part of its programming or a 'ghost in the machine' kind of deal (or just me being a paranoid dork), but this Tank seems to like darting towards other zombies after being under fire. I dunno for sure. Just my personal experiences with it. Still... Keep your eyes open for this kind of behavior. This'll make killing it more difficult, if I'm right.

Ice Tank
This guy is more of an icy, see-through blue, rather than Cobalt's dark electric coloration. Attacks from this dude cause effected survivors a momentary freeze in position, making it easier for this guy to catch and pummel a player or bot to death, or at least to an incapacitation. Like a gigantic Frost Spider, but less nightmare fuel. Or more. Again, I'm not you.

Jockey Tank
Oh, jeez... This one... *Sighs.* This Tank is fine an' all, I just hate Jockeys. Those little... Well, anyway, this guy moves faster than a regular Tank and hurls Jockeys at you that it spawns from ZERO SPACE~ :D Seriously, just watch it do a rock throw. They turn into Jockeys a second or two after it's thrown. It's jarring at first, but then it becomes funny with repeat performances.

Jumper Tank
This Tank is almost constantly jumping, and very high up at that. This one will be hard to hit with throwables and bullet sprays, as it's really fond of leaping away once you start firing on it. Unless you're a tactician or have split second reasoning to this guy's probable future location, I suggest hitting it while it's in the air. Its jump arcs cause it to slow down a bit while airborne, making this your best chance at killing it. Or, ya know, you can pray that it jumps off the map. That happens sometimes. Hilarious to watch.

Meteor Tank
Oh, jeezus, this guy can be terrifying the first time you meet him if you don't know what it can do. This one looks similar to the Fire Tank, with the whole being dark red-thing, but it also looks like it fell into a rock grinder. It's studded with varying sizes of rock and looks soot covered and all around bangin'. Just... Try not to hit it with melee. If you do, METEORS will fall from the sky to pummel you and your teammates into oblivion. It's LOUD and made me jump out of my skin a few times, but is pretty cool to watch, just try to avoid them when they rain down. So, if you want a light show, go ahead and thwack it upside the head with your melee weapon of choice.

Shield Tank
This Tank apparently lives up to its namesake and plays out more like a boss. It spawns with a see-through shield and throws propane tanks that you need to get rid of its protection. MICHAELBAYSPLOSIONS! Pretty rad, in my book. The trick with this one is to avoid its rock throws, which magically become the said propane tanks mid-air, nab the tank, throw it at the dude, and shoot it while the shield is down for a little bit. Oh, and all while you're avoiding being hit by the Tank itself. I hope you have your jogging shoes on, 'cause this one's gonna take more than a bit of effort.

Don't ya hate it when you're long winded, but typing boxes don't give you unlimited characters to write with? Well, on with the show.

Shock Tank
Now, THIS GUY takes the concept of the negative effect of Wind Attacks from Neopets and uses it to full effect. All of his attacks slow a survivor down for a short period of time when hit. So, unless you want your character to be Common food, dodging is a must. Also, when you or another survivor have been hit, the slow-down effect manifests as lightning around the character. This shows up on your first-person view, and while it doesn't really block your vision, it can be distracting at times. Try not to get pulled away from the action by those purdy, flashy lights~ Alright, Hoss?

Smasher Tank
Ah, a slow-mo slow-bro. This Tank isn't as big as a concern as the other Tanks on this list, due to how very slowly it lumbers after the survivors. If it does catch and hit you, it causes a red mist to form around the survivor you're playing as, in similar style to that of Boomer Bile. Regardless of its speed, this is still a heavy hitting, one-hit kill sort of Tank, so avoid it, if you value your life, and hit it from afar with throwables and bullet hails.



Spawn Tank
By the Nine, this dude is like that infuriating Damned Rook from Devil May Cry 3. This guy, as you probably guessed, spawns Common Infected around it, who all want a piece of you and block your clear shot at the Tank. To make matters worse, the Tank's attacks can have a Boomer Bile effect, making all of those zombies bee-line for you. Talk about a Zerg Rush. GO FORTH, MY MINIONS! Also, visibility can be an issue with this one, because, as you shoot it, thick smoke surrounds it with every bullet impact. Yeah, that can tell you that it's still there, but the smoke lingers for a good while, even after the damn thing is dead. So, keep some distance from this beast to handle both it and the Commons it poops out, that way you don't get ambushed in its cover.

Spitter Tank
This Tank, like any Spitter, can come with a multitude of problems depending on how you deal with it. Rock throws cause Spitter goo pools to appear, as does meleeing it. These 'stack' by the way, giving it a veritable acidic moat around its feet until it decides to move again. So, your best bet is to shoot, snipe, or chuck throwables at it from afar, if you can. Serpentine. Serpentine~

Warp Tank
Oh, man. This Tank is like Nightcrawler from X2 when he was being mind controlled and was all evil. This guy is a teleportin' fool, randomly picking any of the survivors to harass, and DEALS DOUBLE DAMAGE. Since you're obviously here for my advice, if this guy spawns on your map, stick close to your teammates. I don't care how much of a lone wolf you are, stay by the other survivors. They'll protect you as best as they can if you go down, and (for the more self-centered view) they will probably take the hits instead of you if you can get them between you and the Tank. For the interests of self-preservation, keep this in mind.

Witch Tank
And finally, we get to and end off with this guy. Even if you don't get a good look at this one right away, you'll know exactly which modded Special Infected this is once you start to hear crying. That's right, Commons around this dude transform into Witches! *Throws confetti.* This, understandably, can cause problems for the fighting survivors, but there is a bit of a bright side. These Witches are weaker than normal ones, they're not wandering, and their health bars are slightly lower, too. Plus, as soon as the Tank is dead, they turn back into Common Infected. So, kill this guy quickly, avoid the Witches, and hope that you don't corner yourself between the two spectrums of Specials, and you're golden.

For your convenience, these will be in list form. Remember to always take advantage of a Tank in the middle of an animation, be it grabbing, lifting, throwing, celebrating, idling, or climbing.

Single Player/ Campaign

• Let the bots handle all of the zombies, especially the Commons, and just focus on the Tank./ Work with other players to keep possible zombies down to a minimum, communicate frequently, and focus most to all of your man-power on the Tank.
  
• Depending on how fast you want to get out of there or you don't feel like killing the Tank, just keep running towards the safe room/ rescue vehicle.
  
• Stay near the bots/ other players to get the Tank to latch its focus on one of them, and get it off of your back. This is useful if your health or ammunition is low, or another player is down.
  
• If you are the last living survivor, run circles around the Tank or keep moving towards the end of the chapter, firing on it whenever you can.
  
• If the Tank is in front of you, back up and shoot it, try to work your way around it, and avoid getting cornered.
  
• If the Tank is coming at you in a hallway or small space, and it corners you, hit it with melee and keep moving to work your way around it. The difficulty will determine whether or not you can slip away without going down.
  
• Listen for Tank growls. Even if it's off the beaten path, engage the Tank as quickly as possible. It will keep respawning until you do, and it might end up in a less advantageous spot than it was in before.
  
• Surprise unaware Tanks with fire, explosions, bile, or all three whenever possible. This will start you off against a Tank with a potentially large chunk of its health gone, and two have longer lasting effects.
  
• Use molotovs on Tanks as quickly as possible to deplete their health, as using it on a dying Tank wastes the throwable. And, throw it on the ground. Molotovs don't ignite until they smash on the floor of the map, so they'll just bounce off of it if you throw it at it.
  
• Get distance between you and a lit Tank, as it isn't magically immobilized by the fire, and it can still squash you if you stand around like a bloody idiot.
  
• With each play, you learn maps better, so try to remember and keep escape routes in mind for getting around, past, and avoiding these behemoths.
  
• Also try to remember which maps have abundant amounts of water and moderate your use of molotovs on them during a Tank attack. (i.e. Use one or more when the Tank(s) is(are) on the Burger Tank roof in the Hard Rain finale.)
  
• Set up traps on finales, as it's easier to do, and make sure to save one or two or even set up a few specifically for Tanks.

Realism

• Glows on items, teammates, and bile covered zombies (Tanks or otherwise) are all disabled. If you're frantic about finding ANYTHING to help you kill the Tank, you'll have to be within a few feet of the items or people you're looking for, so this will be a challenge.
  
• Speech bubbles over teammates and Versus Infected are disabled, making quick communication and action difficult, especially if someone is alone with a Tank.
  
• Bot survivors actually excel at being useful in this mode (who knew that they could ever be good for anything?), and will be a great help against the Tank, as they are more likely to hit it and surrounding infected, even if you can't see the Tank, yourself.

Survival

• Keep in mind that the map you're on is smaller than usual, and that you're racing against time.
  
• One Tank appears on the map at every minute mark, so focus on killing it before the next minute mark comes along, or else there will be more than one to deal with.
  
• Set up traps before you start or find a place to hole up with a stock pile of items to use against the Tanks.
  
• If you know where they are and how to get to them, go to the 'camping spots' on the map, so you can deal with all of the infected a lot easier, and not have a pile of zombies on you while you're trying to kill a Tank.
  
• If you don't already know the map, explore before you start the match, so you can find all of the scattered stockpiles of goods, plan out possible escape routes, and set up potential spots to hold last stands from.

Scavenge/ Versus

• You're officially against Human players now, so be prepared for major trolling and getting pitted against people who are difficult to fool.
  
• Traps will be on a more hit-and-miss basis, and will have to be done in the eleventh hour while the Tank is spawning or trying to get to your position.
  
• Avoid going into rooms as much as possible, as you'll usually trap yourself.
  
• Bile Bomb the Tank if you or a teammate has one, especially during horde segments.
  
• If you must, use the supplied gas cans that you need to win/ escape to set the Tank on fire.
  
• If the Tank is chasing after you and you have a molotov on you, or are carrying a fire damage item, throw it down in front of you, rather than behind you. The Tank usually won't have the time to dodge (especially if it is a few seconds behind you), and the fire damage you get will either be small or none, depending on how fast you are. Throw molotovs at your feet and toss items a ways in front of you, so you have time to pull out your weapon, and shoot it when you are very close to it.
  
• If you go down while on a 4x4 match up, encourage your teammates to leave you until the Tank is dead, as the smarter ones will wait for your team to try and revive you, so they can incapacitate more survivors.
  
• Stay aware of where your teammates are and where the Tank is via communication and Tank sounds. Sometimes the Tank will just serve as a distraction, forcing your team apart so the other specials can nab them.
  
• Try to keep your team together, as a Tank is easier to kill with four guns on it at once, than one gunman in a mano a mano match.

Last Man On Earth/ Lone Gunman

• You're completely alone here, so you need to be VERY aware of the Tank's location.
  
• It's best for you to just duck down and RUN, FORREST! RUN!
  
• Use any and all previously stated tactics to get around the Tanks that spawn, and get out of the area as quickly as possible. You can still take down the dudes if you want or need to, but it's advisable to just avoid them at all costs on the higher difficulties.

If there's more than one Tank on any given map, just calm down. Take a moment. Breathe. It's gonna be okay. Just focus on whittling down one Tank's health at a time. That's right, one at a time. Try to get breathing room, use items to get at least one Tank covered in bile or flames or explosionery goodness, and watch your ammunition. If you have teammates, humans or otherwise, rely on them to get you through this. If you don't, rely on yourself and your quick thinking. You can do it. If you go down, that's okay. You'll get them next time. Nobody's perfect, and it helps you to practice your own groove. Find something that feels right, and roll with it. You'll have them spinning in circles and falling to the ground in no time. Just you wait and see.

ALRIGHTY, THEN~ *Chuckles.* I spent a great amount of time telling you how to avoid, deal with, and kill Tanks. Now, I'm gonna tell you how to BE ONE~

Wait... We're rolling?

So, you're playing against the survivors, just minding your own business, when that BEAUTIFUL message comes up on your screen that the A.I. Director has chosen YOU to be the Tank. Thing is, you're unsure how to go about even being one of those big guys, and you just know that the survivors are gonna kill you before you can even punch one of them. Welly, welly, well~ You're gonna learn how to successfully dominate the playing field, once you're done here.

But, before you even become the Tank, you have to be aware of what you're up against. You might be playing against friends, are in a public game, or picked out a random server on a whim. Wherever you are, make sure to scope out the opposite team. Keep a mental checklist on the enemy:

• How many human survivors are you up against? Are there any bots on their team?
  
• Do they seem familiar with each other? Are they friends?
  
• What guns and melee do they have?
  
• Are they carrying throwables? Which ones? Who has what?
  
• What health items do they have? How many? Who has them?
  
• What is the health of each of the survivors?
  
• Who's apt to run ahead or lag behind? Who's currently in those positions?
  
• Who usually runs off alone and will they turn back for a downed teammate?
  
• How quickly do they try to get to a downed teammate? Or, do they just leave them?

... That's a lot to keep tabs on...

Actually, it's not. You'll do it subconsciously, and most of the time, it doesn't really matter.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA KILL THEM ALL ANYWAY~ EHEHEHEHEHEHE~

The Enemy
Alright, so everyone knows that other people are jerks, and the survivors are LITERALLY trying to kill you, making them no exceptions. Especially the bots, as they can still see you in game modes without glows. So, it's important to know who you're going up against. Now, I don't expect you to know the ins and outs of the people in the survivor slots. Hell, I don't even expect you to know where their uncle works at, and what happened that one time while he was on break during work. All you need to do is watch them like that creepy guy in the green van with no windows, who has a penchant for offering candy to passing children. Be aware of what they do, where they go, and what they pick up. Humans are creatures of habit, so it's not overly difficult to figure them out. Even if you can't hear them talk, you can usually tell that they are communicating depending on their actions. And, knowing what each person likes to keep on them and how they like to use it can tell you a lot, if you're mindful of it.

Their Weapons
So, if you were paying attention earlier, you know how fast you can die from shots fired by the other team. Thing is, you don't have to memorize that information to be good at not dying while squashing the leetle ants. Nobody's going to expect you to be the Flash and dodge every bullet or thwack or slice or what have you, but it would help to try and avoid the hits as much as you can. Smack anybody who gets close to you, melee or no, and keep moving around. Also, be aware that anybody who's a loyal team player, or a bot, will come running to whoever you're beating within an inch of their life. You might get ganged up on by all the other survivors, so it all comes down to a choice for you, dependent on your victim's health: Should I stay and try to kill this survivor before I die, or try to get away? Since Versus is all about points for survival length, killing that one survivor you have pinned down can make a difference.

Their Throwables
Okay, so this is where the 'can tell you a lot' spiel comes into play. Everyone's different with their favorites and whatnot, so they'll carry any one of the three for different reasons. Watch how they use them, especially if someone else becomes the Tank before you in a match. Pipe Bombs and Bile Bombs are a given, pretty much. Gets rid of the horde. But, when do they use them? During the random horde events? During the never ending horde events? Or when a Tank's coming their way? Same for the Molotov. Do they save them for Commons, Uncommons, Special Infected, or for the Tank itself? Watch the people who hang on to their throwables and make note of when they use them. For example, I grab a Molotov and save it specifically for any Tanks that spawn on the map. And, I know that one of my friends holds onto Bile Jars for the same reason. So, just try to be aware of this, that way you know what to expect and what to try and avoid during one of your rampages.

Their Health
This regards both how much health they have, and what health items they are carrying. Depending on where everyone is at on the map and where you spawn, they could have anything between a bottle of pills, medkits, or a full arsenal of items. If it's the former, don't worry too much about going after who has the secondary booster. Just go after whoever's nearest to you and horribly murder them with extreme prejudice. Loyalists will give their health items to whoever's dragging the worst, and the selfish will take it themselves and try to get the hell out of there. (I'm also aware of the save yourself, live on for me thingymajigger, but it's more fun to believe that they're being a jerk. It just makes it all the more satisfying when you hunt them down and paint the walls with their blood~) Now, dealing with people who have medkits, if they all have them, just go after whoever's nearest and try to kill them before anyone can kill you and get their teammate up. But, if everyone but one has a medkit, go after the one who doesn't have it. Because, if you kill a guy who has one, they can get it and heal themselves. However, this also takes moderation. Sometimes, the guy with the lowest health has a or the only medkit, so kill them first, if you can. You can potentially use the dropped medkit as a trap to lure in the other survivors. Finally, guys with adrenaline shots. Keep your eye on them. For there are two kinds of people when it comes to them. Fight or Flight. Usually, most will use the boost to run and get as close to the safe room or rescue vehicle as possible. But, there are others who will use the adrenaline to take you on and down. I've never personally met one of these people, but I know that they are out there, which makes watching these guys, however briefly, important.

Their Team
Now for the survivor dynamics. Depending on your match up, you may or may not know the people who you are up against. But, this doesn't really matter. People act a certain way, and they'll do it right off the bat, especially Lone Wolves. However, don't take anything at face value. Sometimes the people who run off are actually the most loyal of them all. Survivors who seem to know each other, or that you know are friends, may or may not be an issue. Just because they're friendly to each other, doesn't mean that they won't screw each other over for their own benefit. But, it could also mean that they could potentially be a hard hitting match up, and something that you need to be concerned about. Still, you need to watch how they function together. How they act and react to situations around them can tell you whether or not they are communicating. Such as (if you can't hear them, whether by choice, or because they're speaking via the Survivor Chatbox) one or more of them pause, then move closer to another player, pick up something, or change direction. This also applies to downed teammates. Whether you're the one who's doing the killing or not, watching how they deal with downed or dead comrades is important. Those established as Lone Wolves may just come charging back to get a fellow survivor back from Death, and bots will always do this, for better or for worse. This can be of use to you, if you go about it the right way. If only one player is running for the person you downed, you can trap them by pummeling them, too. Dying or dead survivors are perfect for this, especially against bots. Since the survivor A.I. can be dumber than a bag of hammers in a glass warehouse, they'll keep going for the downed teammate, even if you are currently making them a red smear on the pavement. With human players, leave the downed survivor, then abruptly go back for anybody who's trying to get them up. Depending on how quick they are at dropping the incapacitated person, you can knock them down, too. As for bots, just keep killing whoever's under your fists, and then turn on them when they get close enough. But, before you even get to this point, you have to know how many humans you're up against. Bots, although stupid, can be a major thorn in your side, even when you're a Tank. Three of them can be the worst thing to happen to you, as they'll almost religiously follow the only human player. But, if there's two or less bots on the opposite team, this can be advantageous to you. Sometimes the bots will split themselves between the others, or will just get stuck on one person. In either case, choose a target and take down the human, then focus on the bots, as other players are usually smart enough to stay back and hit you from afar. Plus, humans are really the people you should be gunning for anyway. Take them out, and even if there are bots on their team, their round will be over, potentially getting your team closer to a win. As for picking which of the survivors to attack, it's all down to location. You're racing against time when you first spawn, as you need to hit at least one of them to keep your control over the Tank. So, either go for whoever's closest, slowest, loneliest, or had angered you earlier. It's all up to you, and your game play will be colored by your preferences. Just remember, they're watching you, too. So, try to mix up your strategy once in a while, if you can.

Your Team
You didn't forget about your bros, did you? This isn't a one man show, ya know. You'll either have other people or the computer on your side, and each comes with their own strengths and weaknesses. If you've played alongside these people before, you should have a general idea of how they function in most, if not all, of the special infected slots, and how this can be of use to you. But, if you met some or all of the others working with you just that day, then you need to at least be partially aware of how they function with you and with others over the course of the match. Over time, they can be helpful to you, as they can either distract, pin down, or kill the other survivors while you're busy smashing your fists into any survivor that you've set your beady-eyed sights on. They can also help you kill your victim, but you have to be careful. One hit from you in Tank-form can kill any of the other infected, and you'll probably just make your teammates not like you for a while. This also applies to survivors that your comrades have caught. It is possible to help them kill the player or bot they're busy murdering, but you'll usually kill them along with dealing damage to their victim. So, unless it's the last surviving human on the map, and you want the match to end quicker, I recommend that you just leave your bro to his or her own thing. Hell, protect them from other survivors while they're stuck in their respective animations. But, otherwise, just leave them be. Okay, so they can help you and you can kind of help them... But can you help them in other ways? Hell, yes. You're a big, mean, survivor-killing machine, and the other team knows that. They'll try to avoid you like the plague because of it. Makin' this Huntin' Season in the South~ Like a hunting dog, just charge on towards them and get them to split up. You can even potentially chase a survivor towards a waiting special infected. Sometimes the perfect punchline to a joke comes before you even tell it, ya know? They'll expect you to murdulate them, but it's actually your peeps who're going to make them meet their maker. It's poetic, really... Now, this doesn't exactly take planning, as your teammates will leap at the opportunity to tear into living flesh, but it wouldn't hurt. So, again, it's all in degrees of moderation. Do whatever works for you and your team. Also, if one or more of them are on the map, try to guide the survivors towards or knock them into the Witch. She can make for a great trap. Or, ya know, you can just kill her. It's actually kind of fun and very cathartic. That's what you get for making SOB STORY a living hell to get, you hellion.

The Map
Odds are, you're not going into the Versus match blind, and you generally know the layout of whatever map is your playing field. So, you know where the survivors are going, the ways they can get there, and what spots can be used for ambushes, choke points, and run arounds. Or, maybe you don't. Either way, you need to think on your feet to destroy the other team. The environment is far more open to you and your comrades, giving you the chance to use the rooftops for quick movement and surprise attacks from above. Really, just use the map to your advantage. The other team will be aware of whenever a Tank spawns, so they're going to do whatever they need to in preparation of your arrival. Also, you should know by now that the ground shakes the closer a Tank gets to a target, and this makes ninja attacks difficult, but they can be done. But, most importantly, remember that the other team will try to lure you onto more open ground, so they can run around to avoid you, and get all of their guns on you at once.

For your convenience, these will be in list form. Remember that the other team will try to take advantage of a Tank being in the middle of an animation, be it grabbing, lifting, throwing, celebrating, idling, or climbing.

Versus

• Be prepared for the other team to be mindful of your arrival, making ninja attacks hit-and-miss, and adding some difficulty to your attack strategy.
  
• Look for any possible traps set up around your spawn area and try to avoid them.
  
• Keep survivors pinned down inside of buildings, as it is harder for them to get around you, and for their teammates to get to them.
  
• Avoid being hit by throwables or other items with potential damage as much as possible.
  
• If you are chasing after a player with a fire damage item on them, be aware of potential kamikaze fire.
  
• If you are covered in fire, and there's no way to put yourself out, move quickly to try and incapacitate or kill one or more survivors. You only have 30 seconds before the flames kill you.
  
• Use teammates that you have downed or killed as traps for bots or other players, and act quickly before the incapacitated or dead survivor is revived.
  
• Also be aware that the other team can and will use teammates as traps for you as well. Attacking a single survivor in a tight spot will make you stationary, and potentially put you in danger of being hit with fire or bile.
  
• Either with or without prior planning, use yourself as a distraction to separate the other team, and lead or punch them towards your waiting comrades.
  
• Try to force a survivor into taking you on by him or herself, as it will be easier to incapacitate or kill them that way.
  
• Be aware of the map. Remember where you can ambush players from and where to find heavy objects that you can knock at them to either incapacitate, kill, or barricade them. I know Car-fu~
  
• Use Commons to your advantage. Leave the horde to pin down other players while you focus on your chosen target. Try to avoid killing them.
  
• Get between the safe room/ rescue vehicle and the survivors, if you can. The closer they get to it, the more points they get, after all.
  
• Switch your focus between targets if another is closer to you. You or a bro will get the other one later.
  
• Maneuver yourself as best as you can to get closer to a survivor that is running circles around you, or use a rock throw to get them or farther enemies.
  
• Avoid going through tight spaces that you need to crouch to get through, such as vents or windows, as you'll move very slowly and could potentially trap yourself while the survivors hammer you with a volley of bullets.
  
• The name of this game is to incapacitate all of the survivors as quickly as possible, so try for that instead of the kill, if you can.
  
• In the event that two survivors are alive and close to one another, but one is incapacitated and the other is pinned, stand between the two to protect your teammate from the downed player's fire, and set yourself on killing the leetle bug. This should be taken in moderation, as this is usually best left for when they are the last living survivors.
  
• Also use yourself as a meat shield to protect your teammate (especially if they are a Hunter or Charger) while they are whittling down a survivor's health in a small space, such as a hallway or alleyway. This'll get that one player or bot closer to death, and you can distract the other team or potentially flush them out into an ambush attack by the rest of your team.
  
• Avoid any and all mounted guns that are being used by the opposite team, as they'll demolish your health. Try to finds ways to get around them and engage the gunner(s), or have one of your team go after them so you can get out of the area that you're pinned in.
  
• Beware of the mighty Chainsaw. *Spooky music plays on cue.* You'll die in seconds, if they manage to hit you with it. Smack any player with one out as soon as they get in range. They'll have to re-rev it, and your bros can get at them in the process. That is, if you ask nicely.
  
• Use rock throws as a way to keep your control over the Tank, snipe the survivors from afar, and buy your teammates the time to spawn. The best place to use as a camp spot to avoid fire traps is to stand on fences, but, like any good sniper, make sure to move position every now and again to avoid any of their bullets.

Scavenge/ Survival

• Your team, just like the survivors, are racing against time to win the match.
  
• The map is A LOT smaller than the usual fanfare, making it easier to trap the survivors in small spaces for easy pummeling.
  
• Surprise the survivors while they are picking up gas cans or while they are returning to the generator, as they will need to drop the can to engage you./ Trap or flush out camping players, keeping in mind any possible traps they set up to deter, slow, or kill you.
  
• Hammer those who are carrying gas cans or filling up the generator, as the more they get in, the more points they'll have compared to your team./ Especially go for incapacitations in this mode, as the longer they survive, the longer your team will have to survive on your turn in the survivor slots.
  
• Encourage and protect 'buddy teams' that are hammering some of the other team's members, as the other players will most likely be desperate to get their bros back. Use this as a chance to get even more survivors separated or down.
  
• Choose between whether you want to murdulate a player who's by themselves, or a group of survivors that are tightly bunched together. Since this is about beating the clock, this could determine whether the match ends in a quick win or becomes a drawn out battle royale.

Okey dokey lokey~ I have imparted upon you all of the knowledge I have about these rampaging meat factories. Now it's your time to shine~

GO GET 'EM!

*Bows.* It was fun to put this together fer y'all. If any of you come up with something that I forgot, feel free to drop me a line. And thanks for sticking around. I know it's a lot to read. *Chuckles.*

Have an awesome time murdering the competition in-game~