FIRST THING IS FIRST

WE NEED TO FIND OURSELVES A GAME. THAT IS A FAIRLY HARD TASK SO I HAVE PREPARED THE FOLLOWING PICTURES TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE UNGODLY PROCEDURE YOU MUST GO THROUGH FOR EVEN ONE HOUR OF PLAY TIME ON THIS GAME.








WOW LOOK AT THAT WE'RE ALREADY IN A GAME GOOD LUCK HAVE FUN

THATS RIGHT BOYS WE'RE GOING TO BE PICKING THE BEST HERO IN THE ENTIRE GAME. DOOM (ALSO KNOWN AS DOOMBRINGER) IS A FUN LITTLE BARREL OF JOY THAT DISHES OUT PAIN IN THE FORM OF RED CIRCLES. WE'LL GET TO THAT PART LATER, FIRST THING IS FIRST IS YOU MUST PICK YOUR FLAVOUR OF DOOM.



ALRIGHT NOW THAT WE'VE FOUND A GAME WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS START PICKING OUR ITEMS AND ABILITIES.

START BY ADDING A POINT INTO DOOM'S FIRST ABILITY UNDER Q. IT HAS A PRETTY NICE MUG SHOT SO IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD TO MISS


AFTER THIS PICK UP A TANGO, CLARITY, A RING AND SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE BLUE JUICE.

ALRIGHT KIDS NOW IT IS THE TIME FOR US TO GET A LITTLE BIT SERIOUS, SO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS BECAUSE I'M GETTING MY INNER DRILL SERGEANT READY.


NOT LIKE THAT YOU SICK ♥♥♥♥.


TIME TO HEAD UP TO YOUR LANE, GENERALLY THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO WAIT FOR AN OPEN SPOT WITH SOMEONE OR LISTEN TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO TELL YOU TO GO UP OR DOWN.


NOW YOU NEED TO PUMP YOURSELF UP AS WE WILL BE IN CONSTANT HAND TO HAND COMBAT WITH THE ENEMY LANE. YOU MUST REMEMBER THEY ARE SCUM, YOU MUST REMEMBER THEY PROBABLY WATCH OPERAS MADE BY EA GAMES AND PLAY GHOST RECON ONLINE AS A SNIPER WITH A SMG


THEY PROBABLY EVEN PUNT PUPPIES INTO STORM DRAINS SO THAT THEY CAN BE DECOMPOSED BY THE ACID RAIN FROM ALL THEIR CO2 GAS

FEEL THE RAGE? GOOD SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE SOLDIER


ALRIGHT YOUR LANE MUST'VE CAUGHT UP TO YOU WHILE WE WERE SCREAMING OUT WAR CRIES TO THE NEIGHBORS AS ALL MUST FEAR THE DOOM WHILE PLAYING DOTA 2. YOU ARE AN ATHLETE, SOLDIER AND YOU MUST REMEMBER TO ALWAYS BE AGRESSIVE EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU'RE NOT.

AND THE BEST FORM OF BEING AGRESSIVE IS BEING PASSIVE SO DON'T ACTUALLY HIT ANYONE UNTIL THEY'RE ON THEIR LAST LEGS.

BUT THAT IS IF YOU'RE NOT THIS VOLUMINOUS HUNK OF A DEMON, INSTEAD WE HAVE A SKILL ALL ABOUT DESTROYING THE LITTLE MINIONS OF THE ENEMY TEAM, IT IS CALLED DEVOUR. PULL OUT YOUR DICTIONARYS KIDS AS THIS SKILL IS DESCRIBED EXACTLY HOW IT SOUNDS. I WANT YOU TO USE THIS ABILITY AND DEVOUR AN ENEMY CREEP.

OR IN OTHER WORDS I WANT YOU TO EAT THEM ALIVE.

HERES A PICTURE ON WHAT TO EAT AND WHAT NOT TO EAT


QUIT YOUR CRYING BOY THIS IS WAR NOT PUBLIC SCHOOL INJUSTICE, WE ARE PLAYING AS SATAN SO YOU'RE IN IT FOR THE LONG RUN KIDDO.


ALRIGHT NOW THAT YOU'VE LEVELED UP AGAIN I WANT YOU TO GET YOUR NEXT ABILITY UNDER W.

SCORCHED EARTH IS BASICALLY TRYING TO PLAY HELL ON EARTH IN KILLING FLOOR WHERE EVERYONE IS A LEVEL 6 FIREBUG AND SPEWS MORE NAPALM INTO THE AREA THAN SAINT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CLYDE IN VEITNAM.


I HAVE CREATED A DIAGRAM OF WHAT THE ABILITY WILL DO IN YOUR TIME OF USING IT.



NOW PUSH THE TOWER OVER WITHOUT DYING AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT OUR NEXT ABILITY TO GET.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASK ME WHO MY FAVOURITE DOTA 2 HERO IS

I GIVE THEM A SIMPLE ANSWER












By now you should have leveled up a few more times and it is recommended that you put all your points into your first two abilities until they are fully ranked or you hit level 6. LEVEL SIX IS THE PART WHERE DOOM STARTS TAKING NAMES AND RIPPING GRAINS INTO BREAD. HE'S A BAKER ON THE WEEKENDS, WHAT A NICE GUY.


ONCE YOU'VE HIT LEVEL SIX I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR ABILITY INTO R



AND NOW YOU WIN THE GAME.


CONTINUE PUSHING THE LANE AND MOVING TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE IF THEY REQUEST IT

BUT THE MAIN THING YOU MUST KNOW IS


PRESS R TO WIN

CONTINUE TO PUSH AND PLAY THE GAME



NOW THIS IS THE PART WHERE I END THE GUIDE, HAVE FUN AND REMEMBER: