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21 Medieval 2: Total War factions described in 1 sentence

Total War: MEDIEVAL II - Definitive Edition

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Here's a silly description of all 21 Medieval 2: Total War factions. I took a lot of inspiration from Sir Swag's content.

Link to Sir Swag's channel -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy232tY_LUd1NuBgsSNUEA

Scotland speedrun performed by LegendofTotalWar - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZav-j2PX68

Featured Music: 
1. "Amen" - Medieval 2 OST by Jeff van Dyck
2. "War of Kings" Medieval 2 OST by Jeff van Dyck

Video Transcript:
The Mongols: introducing, the first doomstacks of the Medieval era, who will possibly: lead the world’s slowest parade, through Russia, or Anatolia

England: With enough English longbows in your army, you can make every battle, feel like Agincourt

France: If those English pig dogs attack me one more time, I will sail over to their little island, and re invent their language a second time

Scotland: Unfortunately for Scotland, You tubers compete to set records for how fast one can lose their campaign

Spain: Be careful, who you call ugly: in high school

Portugal: You either die a knock-off of Spain, or live long enough, to establish a colony in the British Isles

The Aztecs: At the start of your campaign, consider yourself lucky, that the Aztec empire and its ginormous military, are an ocean away

Moors: The resources near Timbuktu, will single handedly fund, our enormous military budget

Sicily: No matter where you run, or where you hide, the Sicilian computer will find you, and it will declare war-on-you

Egypt: Introducing the faction, who’s capital, will be targeted for more crusades and Jihads, than Jerusalem

Timurids: I wonder how many people who purchased this game, have played a campaign long enough, to know the Timurids exist

The Turks: You will ironically, evolve from being the greatest existential threat to Europe, to becoming it’s savior from armageddon

the Byzantine Empire: In the next episode of everyone hates the Byzantines, watch how this former glory, attempts to fight a war, on every imaginable front

Russia: You might crush peasants in Feudal Bretonnia, but in Soviet Novgorod peasants crush you

Hungary: It’s amazing, how we can remain invisible to the enemy, when we sport the most conspicuous colors, on our armor

Poland: Our infantry and archers may age like milk, but our cavalry, will age like wine

Denmark: It seems that Denmark, has enough armor piercing capabilities, to be able to repel, a SkyNet invasion

The Holy Roman Empire: The award, for the most disappointing units in the total war series, belongs to these guys

Milan: Introducing the faction, that has made players more salty, than the Dead Sea

Venice: Kids these days, will never appreciate the value, of frequent balance changes, and patches

The Papal States: Excommunicating is my business, and business is good!

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21 Comments

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Tech 4 Aug, 2024 @ 9:11pm

Ug, TTS. Nope.

Bacon Blitz 9 Jun, 2024 @ 12:20pm

"Excommunicating is my business, and business is good." That one had me rolling laughing lmao.

Thin-Ogryn 1 Sep, 2023 @ 2:27pm

English archers from longbowmen to yeoman can places stakes+ Welsh archer mercs, Polish_Lithuanian archers & Turkish Jannissary archers. Elepanths dont care and siege gear removes it by roling over it.