As a side note: There are multiple individuals you can make out with during the game. Gremist (at the beginning of the game in the bar), Angelica The Succubus, Cindy The Succubus, Cumchita, Oily-Dew, Dr. Salama, Gremist (a second time), Miss Hurley, Not-Hitler, and Elmira Peppercorn (last level). The question marks on the map mark the location of where to find these individuals, also the individuals for the quests.

Maximizing orgasm for the people give a more exhausted/seductive picture of the person, except for Not-Hitler. which is the same You’ll know they’re close to climax when you hear the voice repeat over and over again, then they’ll ♥♥♥ when the bar filled up. It's time related so you'll need to keep from filling the climax bar from filling up right away. Depending on how well sexually you perform will impact the picture given on the flip card. Here are some of ttheir alternative pictures.

If you play this without the adult-only patch, you will be at a shooting range firing a weapon. I've included the artwork for the weapon used with each character as an alternative image.

Gremist / Revolver
Angelica The Succubus / Combat Shotgun
Cindy The Succubus / Russian Rifle
Cumchita / Bazooka
Oily-Dew / Tank 1
Dr. Salama / Gatling Gun
Gremist / Revolver
Miss Hurley / Sub Machine Gun
Not-Hitler / Tank 2
Elmira Peppercorn / Double Barrel Shotgun

As a side note: Killable NPCS: There is other verbatim that can be chosen. Below will most often give you a chance to make sweet love to them before you fight them with the exception of one or two. It's not really important, more for roleplay. But figured I would include it for easy sake.

When talking to Angelica, “I just happen to know a way or two.” “Babe, I sot of killed them. It’s no one’s fault.” “Figure this ♥♥♥♥ out yourself, lady.” Kill Angelica and return to Brad. Say, “Hey, nerd. Your girlfriend’s kind of a free spirit, ain’t she?” “You just don’t get it do you. We banged it out when she thought it was part of the movie! She really knows how to get ahead!” Kill Brad.

Respond to Mort and Cumchita, “Hi bonehead. Say, what’s the name of the beautiful lady next to you?” “It’s not only the arms, babe, not only the arms…” “You’re both outta your mind! I think I’m gonna pass.” Kill Cumchita.

Converse with Oily-Dew, “Wouldn’t be the weirdest deal I made today. Deal!” “Whatever… Anyways, I kept my end of the bargain, how about you give me that gun.” “LMAO, you really fell for that, did ya? Like, for real? I think I’m gonna die from laughter now! LOL They fight.”

Answer all of Miss Hurley’s questions wrong then you’ll be able to kill her. These are what I went with. “What’s the deal with your…classroom.” “Big Drunk Satanic Massacre” “2 inches” “Your mom.” “Cacodemon” “I won’t lie to you. My aunt used to spank me sometimes…” “Please punish your slave, my Mistress!” “I didn’t want to spring it on you, but I’m gonna have to kill you after all we’ve been though.”

Gremist, Cindy, Dr. Salama, Gremist (2nd time), and Elmira Peppercorn are non-killable npcs.

These are self explanatory, kill using the named weapon or method.

Fart of destiny
Defeat 30 enemies with dash




Sheriff
Defeat 50 enemies with a revolver




Redneck
Defeat 50 enemies with a shotgun




For mother Russia
Defeat 100 enemies with AK 47




Burst out laughing
Blow up 5 enemies with one grenade (AK 47 alt attack)




Gunner
Defeat 100 enemies with a bazooka shot




Dracarys
Defeat 100 enemies with Soulgun




Destructor
Defeat 100 enemies with BFG




Psychopath
Use rage 20 times




Big Bada Boom
Blow up 50 barrels




Demoman
Defeat 10 enemies by blasting a barrel




Vandal
Blow up 20 vending machines. Use the AK47's secondary fire to blow them up.




Reaper
Defeat 15 enemies in 3 seconds. Best done while in Rage.




Summoner
Summon 20 imps with magic




Lazy commander
Defeat 30 enemies with minions




Bad guide
Defeat 30 tourists. They resemble Peter Griffin (The Family Guy) and Eric Cartman (South Park)


Healthy food
Defeat 100 burgers


Butcher
Defeat 500 enemies. Notice how these guys look like The Doom Guy.


Fan
Spend 3 hours fighting

These are self explanatory, use the specified items or methods.



Greedy-pants
Collect 100.000 coins




Swanky
Spend 100 grand




Shopaholic
Buy 5 abilities in store




Armed to the teeth
Max out the ammo bar




Healthy as a Demon
Max out your HP bar


Bartender
Max out the bottle bar


Teetotaler
Don't use bottles during one level




Off the hinges
Open 20 doors. Kick'em in.




Phoenix
Rise from the dead. There is a chance, especially with the Phoenix Perk to Resurrect from the dead.

Other achievements related to quests and endings.



Hero
Complete "Save our bones" quest. Free The 5 Imps. Start by talking to Jimbo, then a second unnamed imp, Big Boi, Mooky, and Harry Applebaum in the first level.



Love is Blind
Complete "Love is Blind" quest. Talk to Imp Brad to start quest to free Angelica. Kill the kidnappers. Then talk to Angelica and choose your options.




Hell's cook
Complete "Steak from Hell" quest. Talk to Ricky in the Kitchen on level 2 and collect the three ingredients in the kitchen: steaks, pepper vodka, and mustard.



*Next Quest Is For Cindy The Succubus see below Satan's little helper


Alpha male
Complete the quest with Mort's girlfriend. This is in the first chapter of the Mexican Day of the Dead style map. Mort is the flaming skull and his wife Cumchita. All you have to do is bang her.


Metal Gear Pony
Complete Metal Gear Pony quest. Talk to Oily-Dew (My Little Pony) a Nazi Pony. Head south east across the bridge and talk to Hoarder. Kill him to retrieve her stuff then return it to her.


Magic ♥♥♥♥
Complete Soldier of Fate the Infector quest. Help Dr. Salama and Gremist by curing them. Then find soldier of fate in the south east room at the cross intersection and talk to him then kill him.


Apprentice
Complete Back to School quest. Talk to Miss Hurley and answer her 5 questions. The answers are BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, and Sadomasochism. The average size of a male human's package is 5 Inches. Genghis Khan has had sex with the most people. A pig has the longest orgasm. Santa Clause has a big sack because he only comes once a year.

*Although not an achievement, it would be remiss to not mention Not Hitler here, don't worry, he's Not Hitler.


15 minutes of fame
Complete the Interview quest. Talk to Elmira Peppercorn, who resembles April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and answer her questions. There’s no right/wrong answer.



Satan's little helper
Complete all quests. This includes the one with Cindy the Succubus found at the end of chapter 1 after riding the elevator up to it's top. Talk to Cindy and push all five of the three boobed buttons on the map. They will not appear until you talk to her. Then call the boss to the beginning area where the elevator is by hitting the three breasted statue, then fight the boss and return to Cindy. There is no specific achievement related to this individual side quest. Use your map to find where all the boob buttons are located at after talking with Cindy the Succubus. It's the easiest way to find them.

I'm not your food!
Defeat Behemoth





Bad Music
Defeat El Roico




Rest in peace
Defeat Nerdomancer. When he is defeated you will free Misty temporarily.




50 Shades of Black
Defeat Black Overlord




Daddy's back in town
Defeat Big Wac




Well done!
Solve the game, any ending
At beginning of game talk to Gremist. Select “Later. Listen, Maty just told me I have to look for a job or something. Got anything for me?” and “Hm, actually that sounds pretty decent. To hell with all these tasks and quests. Where’s that brothel at?” It's the easiest way to get the achievement.




Game over
The ending: LOU marries Angelica
On the level with Brad and Angelica, talk to the imp Brad. Then save her from her captors and select the following dialogue, "I just happen to know a way or two." "Babe, I sort of killed them. It's no one's fault." "Look babe, why don't we just forget the whole thing? You know a Prince of Darkness like me has a lot to offer a girl like you..." "It's time to see that little twerp, Brad" Then when talking to Brad for a second time say, "Brad my man, Angelica says hi' and kill him. Return to Angelica and say, "Yes!"




Deal with the devil
The ending: LOU agrees to Big Wac's proposal. Talk to Big Wac and answer, "Hm, nice beads you've got there. With Sequins, I hope? The end."




Endings: Difficulty change does not effect ending.

Bad Beginning Ending: At beginning of game talk to Gremist. Select “Later. Listen, Maty just told me I have to look for a job or something. Got anything for me?” and “Hm, actually that sounds pretty decent. To hell with all these tasks and quests. Where’s that brothel at?”



Angelica Ending: Marry Angelica: On the level with Brad and Angelica, talk to the imp Brad. Then save her from her captors and select the following dialogue, "I just happen to know a way or two." "Babe, I sort of killed them. It's no one's fault." "Look babe, why don't we just forget the whole thing? You know a Prince of Darkness like me has a lot to offer a girl like you..." "It's time to see that little twerp, Brad" Then when talking to Brad for a second time say, "Brad my man, Angelica says hi' and kill him. Return to Angelica and say, "Yes!"




Gay BDSM ending: Answer 4 of Miss Hurley’s questions wrong then you’ll be able to seduce her and get in with the Black Overlord. These are what I went with. “What’s the deal with your…classroom.” “Big Drunk Satanic Massacre” “2 inches” “Your mom.” “Cacodemon” “I won’t lie to you. My aunt used to spank me sometimes…” “Please punish your slave, my Mistress!” “I look forward to it, Ma’am!”



Bad Ending Ending: Talk to Big Wac at the end of the game and answer, "Hm, nice beads you've got there. With Sequins, I hope? The end."


Misty Ending: Beat the game without doing any side quests.




Threesome Ending: Complete all side quests. When interviewing with Elmira Peppercorn give the following responses, “On some dank ♥♥♥♥ for sure. This game is awesome!” “I like the way you grabbed my mic stand.” “Whatever makes you happy, my Queen.” “I have one… that there aren’t any drugs in the game. I could do with some dope, you know…” She’ll mention a threesome with Misty and Lou.




Secret Level and Ending: Select the name Gabe Newell, the second name on the list at the end of the game after the boss fight with Big Wac to fight the Lord of Vapor. Any other name selection will take you to your normal earned ending.



All endings together video, censored.
All endings together video, unrated.

*Thank you for using my guide. I hope it was helpful to you. <3

Alternative Introduction Cutscene: When you have downloaded the adult patch, go to the settings/options and under the game menu change the censorship option from BDSM to Pixels or Guns. It will result in a different scene during the game introduction that under the adult patch would be a bondage cutscene.

Uncensored Cutscene:

Censored Cutscene:


Alternative Black Overlord Conversation: When you have downloaded the adult patch, go to the settings/options and under the game menu change the censorship option from BDSM to Pixels or Guns. It will result in a conversation between Lou and the Black Overlord which is absent in the adult version of the game.

Removed Chat Box Snippets: