"How can I better myself without the need to think other people need to make me a better player?"
Honestly this is an easy one that I've seen over and over and over. No one else controls your fingers. Mind powers would be cool but when something happens that YOU do. That's not some other persons fault. Learn to take some responsibility! Accept it!

"What could I of done in any situation where I died to make the outcome different?"
That's really for you to decide but make sure you think about the major factor that haunts people all the time. I did not have to be in the situation in the first place. Learn to think how the other players think and understand that opportunists are everywhere. If it looks like you're going to get ganked, You probably will be.

"Is diving a masochistic and selfish thing to do turning a possible 5v4 into a 4v4 if I would of waited for people?"
Yes it is very much so a masochistic and selfish thing to do. If you dive to kill 1 person knowing you are going to die yourself. No matter WHO it is unless they have triple the prime of anyone else in the game you are basically telling your team you don't care in a competitive game and that you're going to make them suffer because of your own actions. Always look for a good outcome not an even one.

"If im doing well in my lane and someone in another lane is doing poorly should I help them or help a different lane? Why?"
This is a little bit tricky. If other people are doing VERY VERY VERY terrible let's say 0-11 and they are bottom. Top is 1-1 and a very strong carry/bruiser or whatever. Help top! It's nothing against the people at bottom who are doing poorly but realistically if you went to feed them judging by their actions and how they are playing in that current game it's not going to be doing much for your team. The major thing you MUST do however is don't hog all of your power in whatever lane you're in! Share it and help out your team if you can!

"If people are being toxic how would I handle that?"
Honestly the best way I've found to handle this is if they are having a big problem agree with them and tell them that you all need to play better as a team to overcome whatever is happening and still maybe get a win. Turnarounds do happen more often then you would think because of a mentality shift of one or two players.

"What kind of realistic standards can I hope for pubs so I can be level headed and make wise choices?"
It's just that, try to remain level headed and actually think about what's going on in the game and how you can benefit your team in any which way possible without causing too much detriment for yourself in the process. The more you ACTUALLY think about in an intelligent manner within a game the better it will be for you and your team. If no one is doing the gem game for instance and says that it's pointless. Get a solo lane that healing scroll they are begging for. They need it! Help them out!

Most of these things in todays moba communities are the determining factor of how much fun you're actually having while you play. You could call them rage mechanics. People don't ever want to think of them while they play or after because it's easier to brush it off as someone else being a noob. Or for some reason people think others control their own fingers to make them bad players. You need to take responsibility for your own actions and try very very hard to not tell other people how they need to be handling their own situations. If someone is playing bad they know it! You don't need to be there making brain tumors spill from their nose and bashing them while they are already down. This is the difference between the better players in todays moba games and the bad players generally. Mentality.

Thanks for reading! ^_^
-Rory