Hello everyone,

This guide aims to assist those who have struggled to obtain the most difficult achievement in the game; A Small Loan From My Father.

There has been speculation in the community that there may be GPU physics irregularities that make this achievement impossible for some people. I completed this achievement with the settings shown here. Maximum sensitivity really helps to one-shot the ribs, but more on that later.

 
This achievement is completely dependent on luck / RNG.

Please refer to the table below for minimum requirement in ten increments. write this down on a piece of paper to sit in front of you.

$0.00 - 5600ml
$100k - 5040ml
$200k - 4480ml
$300k - 3920ml
$400k - 3360ml
$500k - 2800ml
$600k - 2240ml
$700k - 1680ml
$800k - 1120ml
$900k - 560ml
$1M - >0ml
 

 
Load up the level, remove the sheet, and grab the axe, so it's rigid (not from the bottom of the handle, you don't want it to sway at all)
 
 
If you have a DPI switch on your mouse, set it for maximum speed, and swing towards the ribs. If you're lucky you will glitch the ribs and it will come off in one big piece. Set the axe aside for later use. (if you can't get the ribs in one piece, or with enough room to operate; restart)
 
 
Check that he's not bleeding, wait a few seconds and confirm he's not haemorrhaging slightly (<1ml doesn't show on the counter) if he is, grab the vodka and make him drink a bit.
 
Pull out his lungs and set them aside, you will need them for a later step. Ensure the lungs are loose, if they are still 'attached' they will cause bleeding when hit.
 
Use the gold scalpel to cut the heart arteries in these places, be careful not to make him bleed via oesophagus or wall lining. If you do, use vodka.
 
(I prefer to do this now to avoid risks later, and avoid wasting my time if I'm not on par with the chart)
 
 
I like to keep the heart inside (but cut) for the time being, it helps to keep the lungs stationary.
 
Put the lungs back inside, but on a slight angle so one of them sits above the cavity. (You could put the lungs on the table, but I think they move around far too much. If you set the lungs up well in the chest you might need to reposition once or twice)
 
 
Pick up the axe again and start hitting one of the lungs (I prefer the right side) until your money counter is even at one of the hundred thousand increments.
 
Now, refer to the chart in the introduction, if you have LESS than the minimal blood level, just restart. In all my experience farming for this achievement, I've never ended up with more buffer blood than the previous $100k.
 
You can see in the picture above, I have $600k, and my blood ml is 2265ml (25ml of buffer blood according to the chart)
 
Continue whacking the lung with the axe, check every $100k. Most times you will be unlucky, don't let that deter you. You can get so fast doing it this way, the previous screenshot was taken at 4:43!
 
Eventually you will hit $1,000,000! MAKE SURE HE'S NOT BLEEDING!
 
It's super important at this stage to take a screenshot of you flipping off Drumpf so you can share it on the Steam community to enduce rage in others who haven't got it.
 
 
Remove the lungs and heart you cut earlier, choose either heart, I chose stone, because there's no way this dullard deserves a gold one after all the trouble he's caused me.
 

 
Congratulations! (maybe) I wish you the best of luck.
 
 
Ps. Bossa, fix this achievement, I almost punched a hole through my monitor attempting this, this is not challenging, it's tedious.