In this guide, I shall show you how to become the best weeb russian CSGO player you have ever seen.

Take each step to heart like they are from your holy book of preference.

Here here, my child. It is very very simple to create a good profile by going onto the internet, googling "cute anime girls" and picking the one you would smash like a pumpkin on halloween the most.


Now, steam doesn't allow nudity, but eh. Just crop the tooters or kitty out and you'll be spiffier than a jumpin junebug on the 4'th of july.

Congrats! Your opinion is no longer ever valid, but who cares!

Now now, slightly more informed child. This is the funnest part and usually is the defining factor in become the true Russian Weeb god you desire to be.

First, take your name and piss or trash it.

Next, we simply find a newer more fresher name like "Fireblazer" or "Sheike"

We need to now add the most unnessessary convuluted stupid symbols as flavour text.

Make it look something like "/|_F!R3BIZ3R_|\"

Join a clan and add that to your allready bloated name. Ex. "[ANTIFA]"

Don't forget the unnessary net adresses that you are too lazy to get rid of. "blahscamsiteblah.ru"

You might want to make it in japanese or russian for the true weeb effect.

Congratuations! You're winner!

Now now, morbid child. Developing a russian accent is a absolute MUST to becoming a true god at CSGO.

Follow these youtube videos to develop one because i'm too lazy to explain it.



If you followed these videos correctly, you should now speak like your toungue is wearing a sock.

Now now, informative more hairy bear-wrestling child. You now need to make your profile an absulute mess of anime pictures and russian phrases.

Your location needs to be set somewhere extremely irrelevant in the middle of russia where nobody has internet, so no cute gurls will find the beautiful big hairy man that you are becoming.

Then the description must now be in enlarged russian text usually pertaining to how "Pro" or "l33t" you are at AWP'in "Newbs" during warmup.

Don't forget to add the mass amount of emoticons to it for more flavour text.

Every 10 levels you get a showcase, make the first one artwork. Then have the image anime-related and or a picture of putin somewhere to dignify your evergrowing allegiance.

Next one should be an inventory display of your amazing blue skins and that sweet sweet battle scarred Urban Hazard.

Any more than that and I don't care what you do, just make it look as presentable as possible.

Now now, slightly more concerning and mildly hairy child. You have mastered the presentation, now you must put that work into action.

Talk like you have never heard of the shift key and make everything lower-case.

"yo cheeki breeki ya ya vodku"

Next, add a healty mix of japan puke to it.

"yo ckeeki breeki ya ya :3 vodkuu :333"

That is where you need to be. Practice and practice till you become entranced and rip off the shift key.

Make sure everyone knows you are such an annoying person to talk to that they hesitate to reply and leave you on read.

But you may say, the Shift key is extremely important for CS to slow-walk?

Nah fam, rebind it across keyboard to numbpad or something. Pfft who cares when you are becoming a god?

Now now, demigod-like child. You have talked the talk and now, you must walk the walk.


Train everyday at the game, learn how to tap with an AK47 and score every hit with an AWP as a headshot.


To become gud, you must be at the top of the leaderboard, forget the objective. Immediatley go for kills even if it means certain death.

Take no care for teammates, they are nothing compaired to your powers now.

You have bomb and need to plant? Pssh, thow that stupid thing in a corner and immediatley go out into mid and look for puny meat to pick on.

You on CT and it's a 1v1 and the T is on the other side of the map and is saving? Track him down, forget the timer.

Being harrassed by teammates? Yell at them in spurts about how trash they are and how they should just uninstall.

Become the toxic, let the toxic seep into your veins.

Spend all day everyday on the game. School? Drop out. Have a job and a wife maybe kids? Desert them, lock yourself into a room with fast food and microwaveable meals, quit the job and divorce.

You followed the stuff above you handsome man? Good.

You are allmost done comrade.

Now now, terrifying hairy burly child. You have made it.

Drink lot's of voda and get more wasted than a sailor on new years eve on the high seas!

Smoke like you have never smoked before and compete for lung cancer with your friends!

Congratuations! You're Again Weinner!

You are now a PROFESSIONAL RUSSIAN WEEB GOD

Now, go and show the world what you're made of!

(you)




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