When I was stationed in Hanoi, I would often frequent a 6’4” lady-boy named Ming-ho who would pour hot candle wax over my nipples, which were already sore from lugging around my pack all day whilst I trekked through the hell on Earth that was those jungles. I left high school in Topeka, Kansas to bullseye ♥♥♥♥♥ from a huey in the middle of some God-forsaken green inferno. I thought I had it hard before Nam, but I learned real sadness when I had to leave Ming-ho behind. We fell in love. You think I felt good about firebombing his ♥♥♥♥♥ village and watching our ♥♥♥♥-hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there! You wanna know the most memorable gift I ever received? Perspective. Now go get me a beer, sport. Frasier’s on in five.