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报告翻译问题
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At the moment you suspect a Russian trying to anally assault you, there are a few things you can do to counter them.
1 - Stay calm. Russian rapists become more energetic if you squirm about.
2 - Grab the nearest object you have. If you have none, you better remember that time you fisted a guy at school.
3 - Prepare for total domination.
4 - When his hard Russian sch-long nears you, take out that object, stab or hit him in the ballsacks. Remember, make sure you hit the painful part.
5 - At this point, the Russian that is attempting to anally assault you will be laying on the floor and roaring in pain. Now is the time to act. Cut off his ballocks, and he will unable to rape you. Or just kick it long enough, that'll probably work.
6 - You have countered a Russian anal assault.