"are you having fun?" let me tell you a story...

once upon a time, there lived a guy, just...just some guy y'know? he's minding his own business, he has a family, living it up on farm, poor af but you look past those tiny things...anyways, the guy was just minding his own business, alright? milking some cows, milking some...other things but one day BOOM! all of a sudden, THIS HUGE ASS PURPLE NURPLE CRAB COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND DECIDES TO EAT YOUR ENTIRE FARM, ENTIRE FAMILY, AND YOUR ENTIRE MIND! leaving you with, guess what...Nothing...HAHAHAHAH! NOTHING! YOU HAVE NOTHING! YOU ARE NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ VEGETABLE NOW HAHAHAHAAAAA!

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but honestly...watching all this happen, watching all your hard work, your entire life disappear right in front of your eyes in a span of seconds...is a less painful experience than grinding the achievements on this game...i'm being serious, you could use...the ABSOLUTE BS I HAD TO GO THROUGH GETTING "Mercenary: Ethereal" AS A TORTURE METHOD! EVERY DAY! Every Day! every day...every day every FRICKIN DAY! I would wake up, boot up the PC, login to Steam, launch risk of rain 2, then start a Prismatic Trial. No breakfast, no restroom, no coffee. i simply CAN NOOOOT...! CANNOT! EXPRESS! MY HATRED! FOR! THIS GAAAAAME! and you know what the worst part of this achievement is...your...reward...is probably one of THEE WORST ABILITIES IN THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GAME! you'd assume 100 hours of getting railed by a stone golem would result in an equally beneficial BJ right? BUT NoOooooOOO~ Slicing Winds...using Slicing Winds is like,,,looking outside your window...and seeing some random child on a scooter fall over and scrap their knee...they start crying, they're screaming, and you see their parent walk up to them and say "SHUT UP! I CAN'T HEAR MY MUSIC YOU INCONSIDERATE CHILD!" the parent then slaps an egg on top of their head to add insult to injury. that's what using Slicing Winds feels like, that's what GAINING THE ABILITY TO USE THIS ABILITY FEELS LIKE!

i would honestly rather go through cbt...im not kidding, it's like...the AMOUNT of rng needed to get this achievement is actually insane. "but dude, it's a SKILL-based achievement, you're just trash." listen here...listen here listen here listen heeeeere...LISTEN TO ME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! okay, let me tell you a story, last story, promise...

First day, first day of going at it for "Ethereal" right? I'm thinking oh this is going to be easy, just don't fall below 100% hp as mercenary, simple stuffs, i can do that in my sleep no problem, you're looking at a guy with all the masteries, EZ clap right? WELLLLLL guess whaaaaaaaat? There's this little quirky thing called artifacts, and GUESS WHAAAAAAT! "sKilL-BAseD" "SKILL-BASED" ARE YOU HIGH!? Metemorphosis, Spite, Chaos, DISSONANCE, SOUL, VENGEANCE...HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY ABOVE 100% HP WITH THOSE ARTIFACTS ON!? I wait and wait and wait and wait AND WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT! EVERY DAY..! I WOULD STARE AT THE SCREEN, WAITING FOR A NEW SEED TO GENERATE! ALL I ASK FOR IS...Glass and Command...that's all i, that's all i ever asked for...and the day happened, after 3, weeks. 3 weeks for the perfect combination...and guess...what? HAHAHAHA! I WILL NEVER FORGET! for as long as i live, you see, what HAPPENS is that i'm there...i'm there right!? i have my mercenary, i'm loading in, and OH MAN! guess what, guess what decides to spawn in immediately...FIVE STONE GOLEMS! FIVE! 5 STONE GOLEMS! I HATE GOLEMS, I HATE PEOPLE NAMED GOLEM! im just gonna say it...im just gonna say...you know what happened? you REALLY wanna know what happened? i'll tell you what happened. i TRY to get away, BUT GUESS WHAT! 5 LASERS honed in on MY POSITION! INSTANTLY DEAD! AND I SAID "it's fine" i go again, THEY'RE THERE AGAIN, AND I DIE! AND I SAID IT'S FINE! I'LL GO AGAIN! SOMETIMES YOU WIN! AND I LOST AGAIN! HAHAHAHAA! AND I LOST! AND I LOST AND I LOST AND I LOOOOOOOST! and that night, I went from having a good day with high expectations, TO LOSING IT! BECAUSE SOME IDIOT IN MY CHAT SAID IT'S SKILL-BASED! HOW DO YOU SKILL-BASE SPAWNS!?!?!?!? that's the funny thing...YOU CAAAAAN'T!

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but other than that it's a pretty good game, would recommend 10/10

somebody once asked me, "would u rather play league of legends? or pickup a girl at the FurryHub World?"
well my momma always told me: i put the beast in beastia~
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wut?