I never said most of the things I said.

Nobody will probably read this but i'll say it anyway. I really want to become a slug. Everyday i wake up attach two sticks to my head. I then get naked and cover my self in lube. I then go outside and slither around the neighborhood on my stomach. I hope someday I can get a shell and become a snail. So please like this so my dream will come true

sometimes when im alone i cover my self with lube and roll around my kitchen naked pretending im a slug

men have different folders for each girl. while women just overwrite the folder each time.

Can you remember the number of times you've stepped some mania?
you cut nails with one hand and play stepmania with the other
Remember eat? your school, stay in drugs and do vegetables... wait wut?




Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Sorry, I’m allergic to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!
Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.
So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, But a wise man tells her she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed!
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.
I’m Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.
Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

"Don't make me put my face in your fist!" friend

COME BACK B4 I GET PUNCHED BY A WHALE THROWING A BAG OF COCAIN WITH A LION ATTACHED TO IT WANTING TO SNIFF IT ALL UP THINKING IT'S CAT NIP BECAUSE If it was any less obvious, it would be a giant flying shark with lasers on its head and a jetpack, and on top of this
shark would be a similarly equipped tyrannosaurus rex, and then on top of the t-rex's head would be a similarly
equipped zombie rocking out on a guitar. And this would be circling around the empire state building in Manhattan.

Rin: What are you doing?
Shadow: -_- Waiting for a fancy car with a hot chick to run be over.
Rin: But it's 11:35 at night.
Shadow: Don't question by hopes!

What else would I be here for? To illegally enter the premises, of course.

So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity?

Now I understand the relieved, I feel very situation...

If you die, I'll kill you!
what're you.. I've neve... pffft.. what! I would neve.. you're saying that I... that would never.. I couldn't... you can't be seriou...
seriously, wha... ok I read .__.