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Rotuma, Fiji


Date: Today
Prescriber: Dr. JugEmJohnny
Diagnosis:
BUTTHURTUS MAXIMUS, acute rage-onset subtype, rank: comp fragging → 0
Rx:
Calm & Clapback Coping Kit
Use a pocket nicotine inhaler for a focused, ritualized 4-count inhale and long exhale
Take 5 slow controlled breaths: inhale 4, hold 2, exhale 6 as if plotting the comeback of the century
60-second brisk walk away from the PC, no exceptions
One theatrical sigh followed by micromanaging someone else's gameplay in your head only
Squeeze a stress ball or use a discreet hand fidget until rage drops below 3 out of 10